epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
epiphany_maria
epiphany_maria

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Elementary 2x07 + Wolf Lake (2001 - 2002) 1x07 Reviewed

The Marchioness
The over-entitled Holmes spouts his usual guff at an NA meeting to justify his copious drug usage and then Mycroft shows up. Holmes shouts and is extremely difficult. Mycroft’s ex-fiancée Nigella Mason needs assistance regarding her stallion Silver Blaze and a murder. Holmes trivialises his sins re: Nigella. Mycroft is opening a Diogenes restaurant in NY and Holmes finds out Mycroft had leukaemia.

Holmes is mordant, disrespectful and prone to aggression and will not apologise. Gregson’s hair seems to be going back to normal. There is muttering about cartels, shadow ownership, Nutmeg the foal and a disposable vagrant. Holmes obsesses over Watson and Mycroft having sex and slut shames her and Nigella. Why is Watson resigned to her lot with the awful Holmes? This was okay but Holmes was difficult and Watson wears a skirt that is way too short.

Best Lines:
“You have any idea what passed for dental care in the Hellenic era?”

“We haven’t got any mutual friends.”

“Social climbing trollops.”

“You’ve become a horse pimp.”

“An awful toxic creature.”

“I’m in the peerage.”

“You had sex with my brother. Willingly.”

“Was he any good? My brother?”

~
Leader Of The Pack
With Willard Cates dead, a succession crisis erupts. The mysterious Native American Mr Blackstone tells the tale of how the succession crisis was resolved via an idiotic framing story. Mr Blackstone also does a lot of Take Thats at the show’s creative problems and John Kanin.

The werewolves are hormonal. Two thieves show up. A lot of raw meat is consumed. Luke and Sophia have issues. Mr Blackstone is an unreliable narrator. Vivian wants Matt to become the new leader to protect Luke. Tyler Creed bores. This episode was utterly dumb and boring with endless sex ‘jokes’. I challenge any ‘Wolf Lake’ fan to name one thing Kanin has done to be the show’s lead character. One thing. One sodding thing.

Who killed Willard? Nobody cares. The brothers are sexually depraved. Vivian calls Creed “a cologne ad” and she wants to marry Matt. Willard is less than two weeks dead at this point. As the werewolves vote on their new leader, Mr Blackstone makes a hanging chad joke. Oh lord.

There is a kiss, Sophia can’t act, Matt bores and there is an unexpected nomination for leader. Tyler Creed gets smacked, Kanin is distracted by a skank in a cheap thong and there is another cheap ass werewolf transformation. A new leader stands tall and people get eaten. ‘Central Park West’ was better than this.

Best Lines:
“That didn’t really happen did it?”

“How’s your mother by the way? Incredible bitch.”

“Look at yourself Tyler; salivating over designer clothes and hair product.”

“Before we got spoiled by cable and central heat.”

“That’s when things started to get ugly.”

“Why do we always have to spend our time robbing and killing people?”
“Because we’re violent, sexually dysfunctional psychopaths.”

“Females can’t lead! It’s a biological impossibility!”

“Who’s next?”
“You are.”

“Maybe dad would like the dress.”
Tags: elementary, wolf lake
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