epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

Book Review: The Ceremonies

The Ceremonies by T.E.D Klein
This 1985 alleged classic horror was a thundering disappointment. An evil old man plans rites to unleash horror. He manipulates a sexist, racist, homophobic, rape culture perpetuating jerk named Jeremy into staying on a farm run by religious nutters. Than he manipulates boring virgin Carol into hanging around Jeremy.

I don’t care about the planned apocalyptic nightmare because the characters are so loathsome. Jeremy in particular is a foul perverted misogynist who demands Carol have sex with him, lusts after his host’s wife and thinks Carol enjoyed being raped by an eldritch abomination during the book‘s pitiful big climax. Carol still marries him at the end of the book. This novel was ridiculous, foul, offensive, racist and sexist. It is an utter failure so don’t read it.

Best Lines:
“He’d probably expect such lore to be found only in ancient leather-bound tomes with gothic lettering and portentously sinister titles.”

“Woman! Remember yourself!”

“When you can hear a spider walk across the floor, you know it’s time to keep your socks on.”

“How can we know that the person next to us is as human as we are?”

“Thank the Lord it didn’t live.”
Tags: 2nd hand book store find, book review

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