epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D 1x05 +The Blacklist 1x04 +Nikita 3x12 +Once Upon A Time 2x22 Reviewed

Girl In The Flower Dress
A firestarter is menaced by a woman in a flower dress (Ruth Negga of ‘World War Z‘). Ward isn’t cute or interesting; he just bores as he has the personality of 70s wallpaper paste. The Rising Tide are at bad things again. Skye rants about hactivists, Captain America is mentioned and Skye hops into bed with an annoying smug hacker. Skye bends over in her underwear - Joss Whedon feminism at work! May busts Skye for being a liar and a mole. Skye sob stories, why is anyone listening to the dirty ho? There is bad acting all round and this was crap. The awful people from 1x01 return and some die. The firestarter becomes a dim bulb would be supervillain. Coulson continues to be really bad at his job. People die. Skye has the personality and presence of a grease trap; why is she allowed to hang out with them? This mock profound show is populated by dull prats. I care not for foreshadowing of things to come. This episode and let us face it, this show in general sucks.

Best Lines:
“That’s drastic with a side of creepy.”

“Body probes in dark, unpleasant places.”

“Now drain him.”

“This can still get worse.”

“Stop lying...you’re lying now.”

“The doctor is dead.”
“About time.”

The Stewmaker (no. 161)
Keen and her wig looks into Tom’s past. A body disposal nutter aka the stewmaker is nutty. A cartel boss arranges for a trial witness and Keen to be disposed of by the stewmaker. The stewmaker melts people in bathtubs and washes them down the plug hole. Charming. Raymond is allowed to leave the country, stroll around at liberty and murder people. The FBI does remember that he is a criminal right? Tom is out of his wheelchair and his endearments to his wife come across as sinister. There are crap SFX explosions, Ressler snarls, the cartel boss has bad sideburns and Keen is in peril from the scabby freak stewmaker. Raymond mutters a long speech about the stewmaker’s possible back-story and then dumps him into his own stew of chemicals that looks like cherryade. We get another hint about Raymond’s possible back-story but this episode was lodged firmly in the u-bend.  .

Best Lines:
“Something is going to happen Lizzy.”

“A particular sort of disposal problem.”

“You can find what’s left of Agent Keen yourselves.”

“I’m the guy you pay.”

“We’re gonna need meat.”

“The hours of Job-like lamentations.”

“We’ve had a little incident.”

“You’re a monster.”

With Fire
Ari shows up friendless, broke and alone. It seems Amanda has kicked him to be the curb. Sean is now in Division and has walked off shooting himself. Naomi’s body was found after the events of 3x11 and questions are being raised. Owen annoys. Alex has zero reaction to Ari being brought into Division, zero. Ari gets flashbacks and the amateur psychopath sneers. Amanda oversees more bad stuff and wears excessive eye makeup. Why is Owen on screen so much, Ari suddenly has a son and Michael has gone soft. This episode started with promise but went to crud. Amanda wears a bad wig and is psycho. Nikita appears to have bolted on some implants. This season has promise again, please be better.

Best Lines:
“Give me an empty room and a pair of pliers.”

“You’re not laughing anymore.”

And Straight On ‘Til Morning
The citizens of Storybrooke are doing drama. Flashbacks show Hook was gross and Baelfire couldn’t act. Rumpy has a good cry over the presumed dead Baelfire. Mary Margaret wears her stupid beret. Regina has to stop her ridiculous failsafe and David tries to menace Hook. Henry issues moral recriminations. Ever since that brat popped out of Emma he’s been nothing but trouble. Season 3 and its #savehenry crap can go to hell. I’m done with this show. Lacey is made to recall being Belle. There is not a lot of town so why can’t the gang of idiots find Greg and Tamara?

Regina has suddenly decided to be good. Why won’t they just kill her? Flashbacks show menacing Lost Boys and Hook trying to justify Baelfire’s whore mother running off and abandoning her son. Belle is left behind in Storybrooke, Baelfire still isn’t dead and Greg and Tamara’s boss is revealed. This was lame and pathetic. The characters are all lazy, slow and useless.

Best Lines:
“We need your help.”

“Make it stop.”

“Are you done trying to kill me?”
“I believe so.”
“Excellent. Then you can live.”
Tags: agents of shield, nikita, once upon a time, the blacklist

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