epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Battlestar Galactica: The Miniseries + Under The Dome 1x08 Reviewed

Battlestar Galactica: The Miniseries (2003)
This miniseries was the reboot of the dodgy 1970s show and it was good. What followed, not so much. The cylons were created by man, they rebelled and waged war. 40 years after the armistice, the cylons return.

The Battlestar Galactica is to be decommissioned and transformed into a museum.  Commander Adama (Edward James Olmos) is to retire. Education Minister Roslin and Adama’s utterly annoying son Lee (Jamie Bamber of ‘Outcasts’) are guests at the ceremony during which a brief excerpt of the 1970‘s original theme music plays. Everyone is unaware that the cylons are nuking the Twelve Colonies in a genocidal attack. Dr Gaius Baltar (James Callis) was led to betray the Twelve Colonies by the cylon Six (Tricia Helfer) whose spine glows red during sex. Galactica is soon the last Battlestar (or so they think). Gaeta (Alessandro Julini) is ultra competent, ace pilot Starbuck (Katee Sackhoff) gurns, Helo (Tahmoh Penikett) is left behind on Caprica, Lee is a turd, Boxey is rescued and later would vanish never to be seen or mentioned again and Roslin becomes President which was a joke.

The cylon Leoben (Callum Keith Rennie) shows up in Ragnar Station as Galactica hides from the cylons. Adama beats him to death with a torch. Roslin forms a rag tag fleet of civilian ships. But only ships with FTL capabilities can escape to Ragnar. Those without FTL are abandoned to die in a chilling scene.

Baltar is one of those saved and has visions of Six and is only too eager to express no real remorse about his mammoth betrayal. Adama decides the fleet will FTL jump to unknown space to escape. The escape from Ragnar as the cylons mount a massive attack is brilliant. After that Adama claims to know the location of the lost Thirteenth Colony; Earth. But he is lying to give the fleet hope. Roslin is smug and a joke. Sharon (Grace Park) is a sleeper cylon agent. Adama growls, stares and gets angry. His XO Saul Tigh (Michael Hogan) is a drunk. Roslin’s aide Billy is a wet rag. Dualla (Kandyse McClure) has no idea of the crap TPTB would rain down on her. Tyrol (Aaron Douglas) is good at his job but also has no idea the crap TPTB would rain down on him. Cally has not yet become the writer’s favourite character to kick around. This was good, grim and apocalyptic. This led to season 1 which the show’s best season. Standout moments were: ‘33’, ‘Water’, ‘Act of Contrition’, ‘You Can’t Go Home Again’, ‘Litmus’, ‘Six Degrees of Separation’, ‘Flesh and Bone’, ‘The Hand of God’ and ‘Kobol’s Last Gleaming 1&2’.

Best Lines:
“In a few hours, no-one will be left to charge you with anything.”
“What exactly are you saying?”
“Humanity’s children are returning home. Today.”

“As of this moment, we are at war.”

“Why can’t we use the starboard launch?”
“It’s a gift shop now.”

“The tactical situation is that we are losing.”

“There’s no-one left.”

“The war is over and we lost.”

“Anyone of us should have seen the perfectly obvious staring us in the face.”

“This was is over. We lost.”

“We are not alone in this universe.”

“We’ll find them.”
“By your command.”

“The 13th tribe left Kobol in the early days. They travelled far and made their home upon a planet called Earth which circled a distant and unknown star.”

Thicker Than Water
This show is as horrifyingly awful as Richard Dean Anderson’s face. Big Jim disowns Junior. Both Big Jim and Junior are violent, scowling idiots. Norrie and Angie annoy. Ollie is seemingly the only farmer in town. A food shortage looms. This could be any 90s adaptation of any 90s airport paperback, it is that bad. Joe does unpaid emotional labour. Big Jim leads two assaults on Ollie’s farm. Julia is still stupid. Linda and her fellow doughnut hogs are useless. Angie gets yet more screen time as she and Norrie smash snowglobes and discuss teen boot camps. Norrie needs to shut up. No-one on this show can act. Junior does more murdering. Barbie is a non-event and this was crap. I don’t care about any of these people or the orb in the woods. The book was so much better.

Best Lines:
“Faster than a knife fight in a phone booth.”

“Bad things happen when we’re together.”

“The monarch will be crowned.”

“It’s the bitch’s own fault she’s dead.”

“You’re in a snowglobe.”
Tags: battlestar galactica/caprica, review

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