The porno looking Skye annoys and she’s a double agent for the Rising Tide. No-one talks like a human being. Various people fawn over Skye. The team head to Peru and locate a Hydra weapon. The grinch faced thong tourist Ward annoys. May is mysteriously icy and enigmatic in an Illya Kuryakin way. The villain of the week is Camilla who can’t button her shirt. Stuff blows up. This was boring and one scene ripped off ‘Serenity’ of all things. Coulson acts like he is on drugs. ‘Air Force One’ is ripped off and I’d rather have been watching ‘Miranda’. This was awful, obvious and had bad green screen. Even the overacted Nick Fury cameo couldn’t save it.
“If I need a gun, I’ll take one.”
“You’re saying its nuclear?”
“No, he’s saying it’s much much worse.”
“Your hate face.”
“Your airborne mancave.”
“You guys talk a lot.”
The Blacklist (2013 - ?) 1x01
Raymond Reddington, an extremely wanted criminal, walks into the FBI and gives himself up for unclear reasons. Raymond (James Spader) was a highly decorated and respected navy officer being groomed for Admiral until he disappeared and went to the bad in 1990. Raymond offers up a Serbian criminal as he’s locked up in a ‘Silence of the Lambs’ style cage. He oozes slime and says he’ll speak only with rookie profiler Elizabeth Keen. How does he pee in that cave?
Elizabeth is married to Tom and talking about adoption and she’s cute and competent. Elizabeth has a past and a mysterious scar on her palm. Elizabeth tries to take down the Serbian criminal while Raymond plays games and there are mega twists. This was excellent. Why is Raymond so obsessed with her? Where are Raymond’s abandoned wife and child? How does Raymond walk off Elizabeth stabbing him in the neck with a pen? How long does Raymond plan to get away with laying down the law to the FBI?
“I think I smell the stench of your cologne, Agent Cooper.”
“I’m standing in pee, babe.”
“Everything about me is a lie.”
“I’m going to make you famous Lizzie.”
“And the husband?”
“Like you said.”
“That is a chemical weapon!”
“He’s fascinated by the things.”
Blue on Blue
Angie whines, Big Jim broods, Barbie is like the fat angry one from a 90s boy band and Coggins yaps his way into the grave. Big Jim doesn’t like Junior and he doesn’t like Angie much either. There is unsubtle Windows product placement. The military arrange a visitor’s day. Norrie meets her dad. How did he know where she was? Coggins, Linda and Julia can’t act, nor are they even trying to pretend they can. Barbie has a past. A missile is shot at the dome resulting in a fiery hellpit. I just didn’t care about this dullness; will TPTB kill off giddy knickers Angie?!?!
I wish someone would go ‘Out For Justice’ on Constantine. It’s Christmas and goodwill is in short supply. Franco hooks with another baddie named King (Michael Madsen of ‘Vengeance Unlimited’) because he is dumb. Grace acts like the outfit is beneath her, but she really is part of it. A guy gets an antler in the brain causing Dr White to have a boring subplot. King says Constantine has kids and Grace really does not get that she and Nate should ask if they’re the kids. Franco is a jerkass and his plan to pull a heist with King goes awry. Grace does improbable DIY surgery. Grace’s awful incompetent boss shows up and he notes her weirdness. Grace makes the horrible decision to bed Franco. This was silly.
“I didn’t get your name off a bathroom wall honey.”
“Fa La La yourself.”
“You put out some feelers for a new driver. I suppose on account of the fact that your last one wasn’t quick enough to dodge bullets.”
“That was nasty.”
“Fruitcake makes me gag.”
Owen and Nikita are mission partners now even though Owen is incompetent and surly. Michael broods over his ridiculous fake hand. Sean shows up to bore. Ray a rogue Division agent kidnaps his twit ex-wife Kate. Owen is stupid. Kate’s jerk boyfriend causes problems. Ray and Kate have desperate graces and darting glances. Silly Kate keeps provoking her ex with her thinly veiled venom. Sean is much maligned by Alex. Apparently here are soda machines that take credit cards, Nikita is clueless, Owen is a jerkass, Kate finally learns sense and there is a dull ass pull ending. Season 3 has gone off the rails.
“Your diction could use work.”
“It is nowhere near good enough.”