epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

The White Queen 1x05 Reviewed

1470, Warwick and his uncombed hair fumes as George switches sides yet again. Margaret Beauford is dour. It’s war again. There are concrete stairs and metal railings in 1470. This was a flabby overblown ep. Elizabeth is hiding in a basement and yet her hair is crimped. The unapproachable Margaret of Anjou lurks. Edward (Max Irons who cannot act unlike his daddy Jeremy) returns.

Elizabeth has a manicure and wants Warwick dead. Warwick dons armour as Isabel blubbers. Margaret Beaufort’s husband fights for Edward and dies as a result, probably to get away from his mad wife. Henry VI finally speaks. Everyone hates Margaret of Anjou.

Jacquetta and Elizabeth do more magic. There are battles, mostly off-screen. Warwick and Anne’s vile troll husband die. Warwick lies in state while Edward’s brother Richard sneers. Nobody really pays attention to Richard, which they’ll all regret soon enough, hee hee. Elizabeth does even more magic, wears her hair in a pretzel shape and shows off her son who would never rule.

Margaret of Anjou who can’t act is defeated, Richard romances the newly widowed Anne and Jasper Tudor flees into exile with Henry Tudor. This was mediocre but had an effective final scene.

Best Lines:
“London will rise up for Edward.”

“You’re a Princess. You must sail with the Queen.”

“The sons of York are reunited.”

“Be angry, be vengeful.”

“I loved him, now I must kill him.”

“Commit to nobody until you know there is a clear winner.”

“Your House does not deserve to rule.”

“I do not see God in these people.”

“Their son is vile.”

“We beg for nothing, do not speak again.”

“She has abandoned you and lives in disgrace.”

“Your name means nothing now.”

“We don’t need you anymore.”

“George is loyal to your husband.”

“Leave our vengeance to God.”

“This is what it is to be Queen Militant.”

“I am Princess Anne.”
“Dowager Princess.”

“You’re nothing when your brother lives.”
Tags: the white queen

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