epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

The Americans 1x07 + True Blood 5x09 Reviewed

Duty and Honor
Got caught up on this ep. Philip is reunited with Anne, his old love who he has not seen in 20 years. His name used to be Mischa and hers was Irina and in flashback they spoke Russian via horrendously bad dubbing. Philip broods. Meanwhile the shrike Elizabeth dons an Elvira wig and tries to recruit a new asset inside the Star Wars programme.

Claudia is sneered at by Elizabeth. Philip and Anne disgrace a Polish dissident. Amador is gross, nasty and inappropriate. Elizabeth is to wifely loyalty what Paul Hollywood is to marital fidelity. Nina and Stan get it on. Agent Gaad is ghastly. Anne runs off but not before claiming that she and Philip have a son. Philip isn’t sure if this son whom he’ll never see even exists. This was okay. In a nice touch, to set the 1981 setting in one scene you can see an ‘Amadeus’ poster in the background.

Best Lines:
“He’s a degenerate gambler.”
“We all have our issues.”

“I bought it with my own two hands.”

“Are you sure he still even lives here Mom?”

“Unleash your python.”

“Lady KGB.”

“How was New York?”
“It was fine.”
“Did you see any hobos or drug dealers?”

Everybody Wants To Rule The World
This season is full of ham-fisted hokiness and obnoxious by choice characters. It’s flatpack TV. Sookie has no erotic drive and is an infuriating innately shiftless virulently contemptuous twit.

The TruBlood factories are burnt down. People waffle on and on in irritating monotones. Nora bores. There is gratuitous murder and nudity. This season has lumpy preposterous ‘plots’. The Authority is a hellhole full of lunatic deluded violent twisted blood suckers. Sookie does not care about Tara. Jessica finally admits some fault concerning Hoyt’s meltdown. Terry’s storyline is splendidly boring. Patrick is a horrible person with no discernible character. Pam is vile, cheap and nasty. Bill is mad and furious and clings to the Lilith fallacy.

TPTB must have the attention span of fleas. This season makes no damn sense. Robert Patrick shows up as Alcide’s dad who went from virile pack leader to white trash loser. I do not care about the mud and bile filled werewolf plotline. Fairies show up to be non-incandescent.

Andy and Jason solve the hate group murders and bust the leaders who are inbred, feral, hobbity, noxious losers with no cunning. Arlene, simmering with resentment, steps up. Eric’s replacement shows up and this was all terrible. Is Hoyt dying? WTF is TPTB’s obsession with Russell and Steve? Why is Luna ignoring her child? What happened to Alcide’s dad? Why does this show bear no resemblance to the southern gothic of the books?

Best Lines:
“Creepy spirit thing, why you in Sookie’s bathroom?”

“Bitch stop texting me or I will eat you.”

“I ain’t gmail for dead bitches.”

“Suck me vampire Barbie.”

“Dead folk, why you all got to be so cryptic?”

“Both got dumb-ass white trash names starting with j.”

“Joe-Bob fell off his bunk real hard.”

“Vampires and shifters, werechickens.”

“You human trash!”

“Grab a human, drinks are on me.”

“I’ll be fine as soon as I wash the pig out of my hair.”
Tags: the americans, true blood

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