epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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The Day After part 1 + True Blood 5x05 + The Americans 1x04&1x05 + Once Upon A Time 2x05 Reviewed

The Day After (1983) part 1

The day before. The day of. The day after.

This ‘event TV’ of the 1980s shows the effect of a nuclear war between the USA and the USSR. The opening credits have ridiculous cheery music over beauty shots of Kansas so you know bad stuff is coming.

Jason Robards, JoBeth Williams, Steve Guttenberg, John Lithgow, Bibi Besch star as everyday folk for whom everything is normal for the very last time. It’s sadly a long boring build up as issues over East Germany lead to war. TPTB are blinded by angry events that effectively destroy reason.

People have frizzy hair, mom jeans and mullets. But as doomsday nears people stock up on baked beans and water jugs, queue at pay phones, sweep supermarkets clean and indulge in chaos and screaming. Arthur Ashe has a cameo as a newsreader.

There is a quiet scene on a farm that showcases a crow flying around, cows doing cow things and a horse running in slow motion. Then the missiles launch via terrible stock footage. Child actors overact, an idiot woman refuses to accept reality and has to be dragged screaming to the cellar and college students stand slack jawed as missiles fly overhead. This was okay but the characters are too wet to step on.

Best Lines:
“It’s like 1962 all over again.”

“We’re not going to nuke the Russians to save the Germans. I mean if you were talking oil in Saudi Arabia, then I’d be real worried.”

“They’re on their way to Russia. They take about 30 minutes to reach their target.”
“So do theirs, right?”

Let’s Boot and Rally
Sookie pukes on Alcide mid seduction. Jason wears a ‘He-Man’ t-shirt in a dream sequence, Tara points out that Pam dresses like a drag queen and Nora bores some more. The Authority storyline bores, Terry’s storyline bores and Tara and Jessica bond over bloodlust, at least temporarily. Alcide, Sookie, Bill, Eric and some other dude look for Russell. Jesus (or at least a part of him) shows up. Sookie just walks off and leaves some humans trapped in a vampire’s larder. People get shot. Tara feeds on Hoyt to Jessica’s horror. Roman makes yet another long boring speech. Russell is found and everything was utterly boring.

Best Lines:
“New York City smells like pee and the people are rude.”

“I’m thinking maybe this was a not so great idea.”

“I don’t believe you.”
“Well I’m sorry to hear that.”

In Control
Regan is shot as Elizabeth and Phillip have hotel sex. The FBI wants to blame the KGB for Regan’s shooting. Claudia issues orders and sees the shooting as the beginning of a coup. Elizabeth digs up a cache of weapons and prepares for war.

More wigs are worn, Paige bonds with Stan’s son Matthew, Elizabeth shoots someone in the head and is cold. Phillip puts his foot down. A pompous reporter has a secret. Stan and his wife have issues. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Did we do this?”
“I don’t think so.”

“The last two times our leaders died our government pretended they weren’t dead for weeks.”

“I was living with psycho militants for too long.”

The KGB has a mole in the ballistic missile programme who is cracking up under stress. Stan hunts said mole. Phillip spends time with the moronic Martha. Elizabeth is horrible, Nina beds a co-worker and this episode features a legion of fools. Someone gets shot, the FBI has bad security, Elizabeth is a bigger drama queen than Lauren Conrad and the KGB learns they have a mole. This was not good.

Best Lines:
“She never asked any questions about what you did all day?”
“She knew enough not too.”

“I’m your husband Elizabeth. What do you think husbands do?”
“I wouldn’t know.”

The Doctor
Cora’s wiped out the safe haven save for Emma, Mary Margaret and the ever useless Mulan and Auora. The foursome stumbles across Hook who tries to play them. Emma ties Hook to a tree. Flashbacks show how Regina killed a poor unicorn and how she tried to revive Daniel with the help of Doctor Frankenstein (David Anders). Meanwhile in Storybrooke Daniel is staggering around as Dr Whale aka Victor has brought him back wrong. Henry the brat is in peril. More flashbacks show how Jefferson was a sneaky jerk, Regina was a murderous idiot, Rumpy sneered and the monster was Victor’s brother. I had high hopes for this ep but it was utter crap.

Best Lines:
“Why does Captain Hook want to go to Storybrooke?”

“I’ve made my monster. Now I do hope you’ll be able to make yours.”
“I’m not making a monster.”
“Sure you’re not.”
Tags: once upon a time, the americans, the day after, true blood
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