Turn! Turn! Turn!
The Authority drag off Bill and Eric. Pam is asked to turn Tara and she does. Sookie owes a favour. Lafayette is upset. Jesus’ body is missing. Jason encounters his vampiric abhorrent admirer Steve. Sam is in peril from annoying werewolves. Sookie annoys. Holly’s sons show up. Terry twitches. I don’t care about any of this.
A Judge (Connor O’Farrell) bribes Andy. Hoyt ignores the girlfriend thief Jason. Jessica bores. Sookie won’t shut up. One of the late Debbie Pelt’s teeth is rattling around in Sookie’s kitchen. This bored.
Best Lines:
“I can’t be the only one who’s noticed she’s missing half her head.”
“I am wearing a Walmart sweat suit for y’all.”
“There is dirt in my bra.”
~
Kashmir
Miles, Aaron, Charlie, Nora and two rebels walk through a train tunnel to get to Monroe’s lair. Nora tells Charlie that Miles fled the militia after trying to kill his BFF Monroe. Miles couldn’t kill Monroe, Nora explains and informs Charlie that the warlords grew up together, enlisted together and were best buddies. Charlie is blank faced and then steps on a mine, she is ever useless isn’t she?
Meanwhile in Monroe’s lair, Rachel overacts, the magical power creating pendants do stuff and Monroe does not blink. Back in the tunnel the gang suffer hypoxia and hallucinate. Miles hallucinates a full on hug from Monroe while classic rock plays - I saw ‘Smallville’ episodes with less subtext.
Miles wants to go back to the militia, Aaron hallucinates the wife he abounded ‘for her own good’ and Charlie whines. There is a sudden inevitable betrayal. Aaron points out that they are always walking into militia ambushes. Rachel the murderous psycho annoys some more. Someone dies. Charlie cannot act at all. This was okay, I just watched this ep for the M&M scenes.
Best Lines:
“I am so tired Bass.”
“So was it worth it? Leaving the militia? Trying to kill me?”
“Two years of deep cover down the drain.”
“Once I saw your pretty face I knew Monroe would want you more than anything.”
~
Amuse-Bouche
People think Hobbs daughter helped her father to kill people. An annoying journalist for a trashy crime blog called Tattlecrime contaminates evidence, writes a cruel article about Will and gets a man fired and shot in the head. The ugly opening credits show up and this was overly arty looking.
Will has to have a psych eval by Dr Lecter which consists of Lecter mumbling and messing with Will’s head. A mass grave of mushroom covered corpses is found, but one of them isn’t quite dead. The annoying journalist lurks and draws Lecter’s attention. Jack goes to Lecter’s house for dinner and eats ‘loin’.
A crazy pharmacist is behind the mushroom murders. People somehow failed to smell what was in his car boot. Will shoots the fungus obsessed mad swivel eyed loon. This was not good.
Best Lines:
“The next one like him.”
“You just pulled the trigger ten times.”
“You are totally functional and more or less sane.”
“Last time he sent me into a dark place, I brought something back.”
“I’d love to have you both for dinner.”
“Am I going to want to hear this?”
“No. And yes. But mostly no.”
“I even tried to raise peacocks.”
“It’s the inevitability of there being a man so bad that killing him felt good.”