epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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epiphany_maria

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Elementary 1x21 + Revenge 1x19 + Hannibal (2013 - 2015) 1x01 + GCB 1x10 Reviewed

A Landmark Story
Moran’s in jail so Moriarty has found himself a new sidekick. Holmes is stupid and a liar. There is a mention of Thor Bridge. Watson performs an illegal autopsy. There is death by pacemaker and AC unit and attempted murder by bees.

Holmes questions Gottlieb (F. Murray Abraham of ‘Amadeus’ and ‘Last Action Hero’), then yet another sidekick of Moriarty’s shows up and the mystery of the man himself builds. We’ll see if this show can pull off Moriarty after building him up to Keyser Soze levels of evil. There is a revelation, Moran (Vinnie Jones) shows an unexpected weakness, Gregson is stupid, someone may be dead and there is a cliffhanger. This was good.

Best Lines:
“So you think that bleach teeth killed him?”

“Poke the hive with a stick?”

“An army of bee assassins.”

“Sebastian Moran was a notorious hardman in Shoreditch.”

~
Identity
The swamp monster lookalike Nolan is under suspicion for Padma’s murder. Daniel is stupid. The magical hacker Fa1c0n who can’t act bores. Aiden bores. People wonder what became of Victoria’s first born son Patrick. Ashley has an agenda. The boring Charlotte who can’t act suddenly decides to hang out with Regina.

Conrad grubs in the gutter, again. The revenge mentor shows up to drone on. Flashbacks to 1973 show how Victoria threw her son into an orphanage after conning her way into a two year art school scholarship in Paris. Everyone waves around an ipad. Vanity Fair compares Daniel and Emily to John-John and Caroline, which is spectacularly tasteless when you think about it.

Jack revokes Emily’s godmother status. A live TV interview goes badly for the Graysons. Daniel asks his primary sexual outlet aka Emily to marry him. Everyone is in the Hamptons despite summer being over - why aren’t they in NY? The Graysons are contemptible. This was okay but if there is a season 3, I doubt I’ll be watching.

Best Lines:
“Is she even his type?”
“She’s a woman.”

“I’m done with Emily.”

“If you’re thinking of jumping, allow me to assist you.”

“Are you now denying that you abandoned a 6 month old boy named Patrick to enrol in a European art school?”

~
Aperitif
Will Graham (Hugh Dancy) has a gift to understand insane men. A killer is cutting up women so BSU head Jack Crawford (Laurence Fishburne) asks Will and Dr Lecter (Mads Mikkelsen) to investigate. This is a prequel to the Thomas Harris books. We know at some point Graham will realise his friend is a serial killer and said ‘friend’ will gut him with a knife and later on send another serial killer to his house to stab him in the face. Graham will end up a disfigured drunk in Florida and Lecter will run off to South America with Clarice Starling.

Will mutters about antler velvet, has visions, adopts stray dogs and didn’t make it by the FBI screening process. Jack Crawford has no indoor voice. Lecter is a shrink, an artist and a chef. He wears loud suits in his gothic office and eats a girl’s lungs. He also looks like Dan from ‘One Tree Hill’ and cannot enunciate properly.

Lecter ‘befriends’ Will by bringing him sausages which Will eats. I wonder what is in those sausages. Will tracks down the killer but Lecter has an agenda of his own and sets up a violent confrontation. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“It’s a little hammy Jack.”

“No bodies, no parts of bodies, nothing that comes out of bodies.”

“What are you doing in here?”
“I like the smell of urinal cake.”

“USE THE LADIES ROOM!”

“Feeling bad defeats the purpose of being a psychopath doesn’t it?”

“WHAT KIND OF CRAZY IS HE?”

“I don’t find you that interesting.”
“You will.”

~
Revelation
The GCB’s plus Amanda, Gigi, Zack and Pastor Tudor head down to Juarez for a myriad of reasons in this disappointing final ever episode. The womenfolk are abducted by a crazy woman (Sandra Bernhard).

Zack is awful, Ripp has a big secret and the shrill harpies stumble around in the desert swigging tequila  and having hysterics. There is plot set up: Pastor Tudor kisses Amanda, Luke is dumped, Ripp confesses he has a lovechild to Carlene and Blake realises Cricket is falling for Mason who knows their big secret. The show was axed so it all comes to naught. This show was amusing camp at times but this final ep was a massive unfunny letdown.

Best Lines:
“Trust me, I’m a car salesman.”

“You don’t look like an axe murderer.”

“Sweet uninvited Amanda.”

“Gimme the worm, I need protein.”
Tags: elementary, gcb, hannibal, revenge
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