The Ice Cream Girls part 3
The final part answers the question of what in the world happened in Marcus’ house in 1995. It’s a shame Serena never bothered to ask that 17 years ago. Serena is uninteresting and the seaside resort town continues to be a hellscape for poor Poppy. Serena raises dickishness to an art form and neither she or Poppy’s doormat mother have a backbone. This is not deliciously disturbing, it’s just annoying as yet more flashbacks show just how Serena threw Poppy under the bus back in 1995.
In 1995 Poppy was called callous and controlling whilst all evidence of Marcus being a perv was ignored and Serena lied. Evan jokes when Poppy is rearrested and Poppy’s vile stepfather is vile some more. Serena still takes no responsibility and hurls wild accusations at third parties. Evan and Vee learn Serena was the second Ice Cream Girl and run away in a flurry of bad bad acting.
Serena still won’t face up to the fact Marcus was a creeper and that she ruined Poppy’s life. Marlene resurfaces. The police are unless. Serena somehow learns where Al lives and Poppy is ignored like a dead hobo in the woods. But with some violation of legal confidentiality, Serena finally learns who really killed Marcus and that Marcus was a creep to the end.
Serena’s family really are horrible and Serena gets away scot-free with lying to police and committing perjury in 1995. At least Poppy gets a sort of happy ending. But this was a dire hamfisted tale of abuse and grooming.
~
The Crimson Horror
Diana Rigg (of ‘Motherlove’) gurns as an evil old hag. Madame and Jenny investigate mysterious deaths. The Doctor gurns and shouts. Diana Rigg’s real life daughter Rachel Stirling (of ‘Tipping the Velvet’) cries a lot. An evil plan must be foiled.
It’s grim up north, a dude faints and this is more played for comedy than scares which is a shame. It is all very ‘Carry on Screaming’ with bad acting, loud music, a sepia toned flashback, venom, silly accents and camp. It also has a sat-nav joke, a rubbish rubber monster and is generally mediocre. This disappointed.
Best Lines:
“That’s put me right off my mash.”
“I strongly advise the issuing of scissor grenades, limbo vapour and triple blast brain splitters.”
“What for?”
“Just generally. Remember we are going to the north.”
“To find him she needs only ignore all keep out signs, go through every locked door and run towards any form of danger that presents itself.”
“Long story, I’ll keep it short.”
“Their flesh glowing.”
“Like something manky in a coal cellar.”
“Horse! You have failed in your mission! We are lost!”
“You perfidious hag.”
“I’ve got a sonic screwdriver.”
“I’ve got a chair.”
~
Adam and Eve’s Rib
I missed 1x08 sadly. Amanda is still dating the noxious loser Luke. Ripp and his Braise The Lord team enter the Dallas Interfaith BBQ Invitational. Amanda objects to the men only team and sets up an all female Spicey Racks team to enter too.
Carlene and co continue to bully Heather. Why does Heather hang out with these people? Sharon’s Bible based meals are a success. Carlene is still obsessing over her faith based living plan that will include: Feeding The Five Thousand All You Can Eat Buffet, River Jordan Water Park and 40 Days And 40 Nights Wilderness Adventure.
Cricket is tempted by a stud and Zack is awful to Sharon, again. Amanda, Sharon, Carlene and Heather barbeque. Heather does not want to date a butcher. Carlene decides not to sabotage for once. Zack gets in a fistfight and Ripp has a secret. This was good. Shame there is only one ep left.
Best Lines:
“Of course you can support our team, just not as one of us.”
“Blake knows his way around a sausage.”
“Smells like burnt pig.”
“That’s the smell of victory.”
“If Dolly can have her Dollywood, I can have my holywood.”
“Should there really be that much smoke?”
“You get to taste my brisket.”
“Do I have to?”
“I murdered my brisket.”
