Vanessa (it’s the girl who was Dinah in 1995’s ‘The Langoliers’) wants the awful Caroline to change so her adored father Robin will come home. Vanessa blames her cold, vicious, bile spilling alcoholic mother for driving the noble Robin away and into the arms of the prissy Suzie (Imogen Stubbs).
What Vanessa cannot yet see is that Robin is a manipulative, condescending, patronising emotional abuser who loves to play the martyr. Vanessa’s brother is horrible. Caroline’s married lover has an idiot son named Lot who lurks outside the house and flashbacks show how Robin sabotaged Caroline’s career. Now Robin is doing the same to Suzie.
Caroline dries out, Vanessa realises the truth about her father, Lot wields a chainsaw and Suzie gets help from the most unexpected people. This was okay but Vanessa is a manipulative brat just like her father.
“Nobody will miss her.”
“Poor poor daddy.”
“Dad’ll never come back now. He’s trapped.”
Her mother Gail had high school issues of her own with Joanna’s aunt Mona (Sigourney Weaver). The wedding planner (Kristin Chenoweth of ’GCB’) is crazy. Joanna is still a bullying jerk and the git Will wants to take the family tree house and give it to his foul wife to be (who is played by the poor man’s Megan Fox). Marni wants an apology for the bullying but Joanna will not give her one.
This isn’t funny. Dwayne Johnson has a cameo as an Air Marshal. Marni finally figures out a way to show her family what a vile person Joanna is. The resulting fallout sees everyone act as if Marni is the bad one. Will is an idiot. There is sap, Joanna fake cries and Marni’s family have no issues with Will marrying the creature who bullied his sister for years.
This has bad acting, stupid people, a Patrick Duffy cameo and at the wedding reception Marni’s grandmother reveals she had high school issues with Joanna’s crazy grandmother (it’s the crazy biddy from ‘Raising Hope’ and ‘Scavenger Hunt’). This was okay but sends out a horrible message.
“Low self esteem gold-digger.”
“I took a shortcut.”
“High school was a horror movie. This weekend is the sequel.”
“The meek shall not inherit the earth.”
“Put down the spray cheese.”
“Who dressed you? The great depression?”