epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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Movie Review: The Club

The Club (1994)

Membership has its privileges and terrible dues.

In this obscure horror film, the school fancy dress prom being held in an immense creepy gothic castle goes awry for six students and the murderous pervert guidance counsellor Mr Carver (Kim Coates). Time stops and they end up in a strange netherworld where the course of the rest of their lives will be determined. Naturally they split up to explore.

The useless no agency Amy (Andrea Roth of 'Ringer'), her boyfriend the flat effect Evan (Rino Romano), the obviously doomed Darren (Matthew Ferguson), the battered Laura and her violent boyfriend Kyle (Zack Ward of ’Titus’ and ’Dollhouse’) wander around overlooking all the obvious clues that John (Joel Wyner aka J.H Wyman, the executive producer of ‘Fringe‘) is a minion of evil. Trivia moment: Corey Haim was originally cast as John before being fired.

This movie has a creepy setting and the ’club’ is a creepy concept but the cheap dated SFX and the weak script betray all efforts made. Laura, Darren and Amy look up books to figure what is going on. John has greasy hair, yells a lot and hams it up as soon as his evilness is exposed. He explains what is going on with a chart and a pointer, no really.

The prom goers are morons. There is a ridiculous unending death scene, sexism, sexual violence, terrible acting, a sword fight with awful continuity and this is offensively stupid at times. Evan does not act at all, John’s overacting annoys and Amy just stands around fearing for her life when Mr Carver and his creepy monotone pervs over her for unending scenes.

The film ends on a downer for all these unsavoury people (except John) and this was awful. Things are unexplained: what was making the howling noises? Who was John’s ‘date’ to the prom? Didn’t anyone in the editing room notice that when one character shoves another character off a balcony to their death - you can see the stuntwoman land on a crash pad? Why just before the gang got carried off to the netherworld did John provoke Mr Carver into beating him up in the men’s room?

Best Lines:
“You don’t go to this school do you?”
“No.”

“I don’t think I like him very much.”

“I thought you were dead.”
“Well, I am. But does that mean we can’t be friends?”

“Why do they always run when I say that?”

“Usually when people take a look at me they just dump in their pants and die screaming.”

“Suicide or murder. Either way you’re pretty much down for eternity.”
“So you had no choice.”

“There’s nothing to fear but your face.”
“Ooohhh hoooo. That’s a good one Mr asshead.”

“Oh no. She broke.”

“You ever consider a triple suicide?”
Tags: dollhouse, fringe, movie review, ringer
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