epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: Madhouse + I’ve Been Waiting For You + Iron Man 2

Madhouse (1990)
John Laroquette and Kirstie Alley star as a yuppie couple afflicted by houseguests from hell in this hilarious comedy. After the animated opening credits, Mark (Laroquette) announces his cousin Fred (John Diehl), his shrew wife Bernice and their cat Scruffy are coming to stay. Within seconds of their arrival, Scruffy projectile vomits all over the couple.

Then Jessie (Alley) allows her gold digging sister to stay. They won’t leave, then the gruff neighbour and his two vile kids comes to stay as well. Mark and Jessie find their home has been taken over and then Claudia’s son shows up and moves himself in too. This has a sightseeing montage, a dance routine, a dream sequence and a police raid.

Finally after weeks of slaving for their ungrateful unwanted guests, Mark and Jessie finally crack and violently evict the freeloaders. This was very good with horrible 80s hair and clothes as well as orange tans and an elephant.

Best Lines:
“I want to buy one of those big vulgar televisions.”

“We’re talking five days.”
“Well Chernobyl only took five minutes.”

“Just tell her we’re not here.”

“As if I wanted to live in a garret.”

“I could drywall her into your basement.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Get your haemorrhoids off the barstool.”

“I’ll just lick the crumbs off my filthy sheets!”

“Maybe we’re in some vacation guide for the damned.”

“I hope my water breaks all over your fur coat.”

“You want me to mail urine to New Jersey?”

“I am talking about houseguests from hell.”

“Let’s clean house.”

I’ve Been Waiting For You (1998)
In Ye Olden Days, a witch was burned and vowed to return and avenge herself on the descendants of her murderers. Now Sarah (Sarah Chalke) has come to Pine Crest with her mother and the in crowd at her school think Sarah is the witch reincarnated.

Mean girl Kira (Soleil Moon Frye) and her gang wage a hate campaign against Sarah. The local loser Charlie (Ben Foster of ‘Final Destination’) is Sarah’s only friend. There are dated pop culture references, a lurking nutter with Wolverine claws lurks, Sarah is a bit of a jerk and the in crowd have no concept of trespass laws.

This was terrible and very loosely based on Lois Duncan’s novel ‘Gallows Hill’. The twist ending is silly and nobody faces any consequences for bullying and attempting to burn someone at the stake. The acting was terrible and this film was stupid and populated by hysterical idiots who whispered ominously non-stop.

Best Lines:
“Sinister forces come on down.”

“A promise is a promise.”

“There’s so many holes in that story I don’t even know where to begin.”

“Could it be Kevin? I mean could he pull this off?”
“Sarah come on, Kevin is lucky if he can pull his own socks off.”

“Garlic, you morons, is for vampires. Well, if you don’t believe me ask ‘Buffy’. Doesn’t anyone at this school watch television?”

Iron Man 2 (2010)
Tony made a dramatic announcement at the end of the first film and now has to live with the consequences. He is obnoxious, vainglorious and arrogant. So Ivan (Mickey Rourke) shows up to get revenge and dress like a crazy homeless guy.

Howard Stark appears in old footage and it is clearly not the same guy as in ‘Captain America’. Tony has daddy issues, insults a Senate Committee, drinks too much and is dying due to the Arc Reactor. Also Justin Hammer is a business rival of Tony’s and teams up with Ivan to get Tony.

Pepper becomes CEO of Stark Industries and bores. Black Widow shows up to lurk and eventually kick ass. She’d cut her hair for ‘Avengers’. All the dialogue is incoherent and badly enunciated.

There are Stark family secrets revealed, a prison break, a fight at the Monaco Grand Prix, Rhodes steals a suit, Nick Fury shows up, Coulson annoys and there is sexism. Justin Hammer and Ivan are underwhelming villains and the final fight bores. This was a meandering mess.

Best Lines:
“I’ve successfully privatized world peace.”

“You look like you got friends in low places.”

“Is that supposed to be smoking?”

“I told you that I don’t want to join your super secret boyband.”

“His happiest day was when he shipped me off to boarding school.”

“I will taze you and watch ‘Super Nanny’ while you drool into the carpet.”

“Tear gas, smoke, hippy control.”

“It’s capable of reducing the population of any standing structure to zero. I call it the Ex-Wife.”
Tags: agents of shield, buffy the vampire slayer, madhouse1990, movie review

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