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Movie Reviews: Be Kind Rewind + The Hole + Jawbreaker + Splice

Be Kind Rewind (2008)
A guy who helps out at a video store (Mos Def) and a local nut (Jack Black) annoy, the nut has a bizarre accident and erases all the tapes. So they recreate their own version of the movies so as not to disappoint the boss (Danny Glover). This leads to not exactly hilarious takes on ‘Ghostbusters’, ‘Rush Hour 2’, ‘The Lion King’, ‘Robocop’, ‘Driving Miss Daisy’, ‘When We Were Kings’, ‘2001’, ‘King Kong’, ‘Carrie’ and ‘Men in Black’. Then they get done for piracy despite their local following. This was annoying and had a non-ending.

~
The Hole (2001)
This is based on the novel by Guy Burt. Liz (Thora Birch), Mike (Desmond Harrington of ‘Ghost Ship’), Geoff (Laurence Fox of ‘Lewis’) and Frankie (Keira Knightley) have been missing from their boarding school for 18 days. Only Liz returns and a shrink (Embeth Davidtz) questions her to find out what happened.

Liz reveals how they wanted to avoid the geography field trip to Wales and agreed to be hidden in a forgotten World War 2 bunker by school fixer Martyn. They spent three days having fun but Martyn never returned to let them out. The police arrest Martyn but he has a very different story. So what really happened? A sad sordid tale of death and obsessive love is revealed. This is okay.

Best Lines:
“Can’t be any worse than Wales right?”

“Am I the only one who can smell the toilet? I mean I’ve been polite but who left the monster log that we can’t ####### flush?!?”

“Put your knob away.”

“It was all for you.”

~
Jawbreaker (1999)
This sour comedy is about a group of appalling, loud mouthed and quasi murderous popular gang. Courtney (Rose McGowan of ‘Scream‘, ‘Planet Terror‘ and ‘Charmed‘), Marcie (Julie Benz) and Julie (Rebecca Gayheart of ’Earth 2’, ’Urban Legend’ and ’Dead Like Me’) accidentally kill their pal Liz when a birthday prank goes wrong. Unpopular loser Fern walks in on the cover up and Courtney makes Fern popular to buy her silence.

Julie is excommunicated from the popular gang and now Fern, Courtney and Marcie power walk down the corridors. Courtney is a sociopath who arranges a cover up of Liz’s death thus proving the truth of the film’s tagline: the sweetest candies are sour as death inside.

P.J. Soles, William Katt, Jeff Conaway, Marilyn Manson, Carol Kane and Pam Grier feature. The pathetic Fern turns into a mean girl with the aid of some hair dye and some overly tight trousers. Marcie is a dim bulb and a recordable greeting card is a plot point. Courtney piles on the lies and turns on Fern. This was camp and idiotic.

On prom night, Julie and her dim bulb boyfriend arrange the social destruction of Courtney in front of their evil vindictive classmates. Courtney, her ugly dress and bizarre hairdo are disgraced to Julie’s amusement. This was a sub par ‘Heathers’ knockoff.

Best Lines:
“They went to your school too.”

“You gagged her with a jawbreaker?”

“Liz is dead. Do you know what that means?”
“That you’re a shoo in for prom queen?”

“Please cover your bosoms, this is a learning institution not a brothel.”

“Sugary sweet death.”

“I don’t think we’ve officially met. What with the cruel politics of high school and all.”

“Foods cool and all. It tastes good and you need it to live.”

“Oh look, you have groupies.”

~
Splice (2009)
This body horror film starred Adrien Brody, Sarah Polley (of ‘Dawn of the Dead’) and David Hewlett (of ‘Stargate Atlantis’). Clyde (Brody) and Elsa (Polley) create a transhuman creation Elsa names Dren. Naturally it all goes hideously wrong as Clyde wants to shag it and Elsa wants to control it. Not good.
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