epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Arrow 1x16 + Mayday (2013) 1x01&1x02 Reviewed

Dead To Rights
Malcolm and his bad dye job is targeted for death by China White (Kelly Hu) and the not dead after all Deadshot. Tommy Merlyn annoys, Laurel mentions a canary and flashbacks to the island show how manly man Slade Wilson helped man up Oliver.

China White has got a better wig, Deadshot still underwhelms and Oliver does not seem to know the words ‘thank you’. The assassins attack and Tommy Merlyn sees his dad’s moves and almost gets to see his dad’s Dark Archer cave/panic room.

There is big reveal between Oliver and Tommy, which I’m sure will go horribly wrong in the long run. The assassins get away and Laurel’s mother (Alex Kingston of ‘er’ and ‘Doctor Who’) shows up with a not unexpected revelation. This was good. The two big plot points of this ep will have long reaching consequences I’m sure. So where did Malcolm Merlyn go for two years? Doesn’t Felicity have a job she should be at?

BBC1’s latest drama ‘event’ is a boring mess. Hattie, a dippy looking 14 year old girl (who looks 30) is the May Queen of her small rural town. She cycles through said town dressed up like Ophelia while various middle aged men glower lustfully. So far so very ‘The Wicker Man’. Hattie vanishes and it’s all very pagan.

Everett (Aidan Gillen of ‘Game of Thrones’) is a leering local ner’do’well with a greasy looking son named Linus who has a crush on Hattie’s identical twin sister. Gail the owner of a fat dog suspects her miserable tool of a husband Malcolm (Peter Firth of ‘Spooks‘). And retired cop Fiona has suspicions about her copper hubby Alan.

There is a lot of unnecessary slow motion, hysteria and Everett, Malcolm and Alan all act in highly suspicious ways. There is something in the woods, Hattie’s uncle Steve the local rough arse organises a search party and Linus is doing things with older men online. Hattie was an eco-activist and her unloved sister Caitlin is the town slut. Steve’s brother Seth is the local nutter and Malcolm has an ominous model village in his attic. This was awful. It’s overdone, over acted and plain terrible.

Best Lines:
“So what exactly do you do in the woods?”

“I’m going for a record score. I’ve got glucose tablets and a bottle to piss in.”

Linus has to go to school with a cut on his face from where his git of a father decked him. He also has visions of his dead mother. Everett and his bizarre accent aggressively washes his car which attractions Fiona’s suspicions.

Steve learns Seth is a thief and a general weirdo. Gail enlists her son James’ help to break into Malcolm’s computer. Fiona’s husband Alan is suddenly up for it all the time. Fiona tells people she once arrested Steve for pissing through a letterbox. Bullies harass Linus.

Suspicion is in the air as something is found in Hattie’s locker, school staff express concern over Linus’ injury and it is revealed that his mother ‘fell down the stairs’ to her death when he was 5.

Malcolm creeps, Steve’s wife and son ran off three years ago, Everett is a horrible git, Gail and James learn Malcolm’s secrets and Seth finds something in the woods. This was not good. I won’t bother with 1x03.

Best Lines:
“You’re weird.”

“Come on son, let’s go find a body.”

“She ruined him.”
Tags: arrow, doctor who, game of thrones, review

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