It took me until 1x18 to realise the opening credits change each episode. Kathryn (formerly Abigail in fairytale land) is back. August twitches like a meth addict. Henry hangs out with the weird stranger. Everyone is so much more vibrant in fairytale land, in Storybrooke, they’re just dull and dumb.
Regina tantrums as her not so cunning plan falls apart. WTF does Regina get out of being in Storybrooke? What Mr Gold gets out of being in Storybrooke is revealed. Kathryn forgives her husband for being a cheating lying goob. Emma vows to get custody of Henry. Mary Margaret gets a ‘We’re So Glad You Didn’t Kill Mrs Nolan’ card from her students. Emma is dumb to trust August. Sidney Glass is pathetic.
Flashbacks show how Rumpy’s moron son Baelfire called him Poppa and sulked as his mad dad used his magic to kill people who annoyed him. There were bad child actors, the Blue Fairy, a magic bean and Rumpy was an idiot. This was terrible.
I’m sick of the David/Mary Margaret drama, I’m sick of Rumpy overacting and I’m sick of August. Rumpy never learns and has the parenting skills of octomom and Regina shows off more unacceptable behaviour.
“You created the curse for me. The curse that brought us here and built all this.”
“You have stains on your boots.”
“Oh yes, that. Ah, we need a new maid.”
Trust But Verify
Armoured trucks are robbed. Thea’s birthday is upcoming and she goes full force snot. Quentin Lance is once again the only cop in Starling City. Diggle is a moron. Island flashbacks lead to an unexpected twist which really surprised me. I did not see that twist coming.
That twist was the only good thing in this dire ep. Tommy has issues with his dad. Merlyn Snr may not be a bad guy after all. Oliver drops an intriguing hint. Moira and Merlyn Snr continue their plotting and Thea sees them and leaps to all the wrong conclusions. Tommy throws a strop and Laurel is self righteous. The baddie of the week (Ben Browder of ‘SG1’ and ‘Farscape’) bores.
There are unsubtle metaphors and intriguing plots: what happened to Mrs Merlyn? What are Moira and Merlyn Snr up to? Why hasn’t Moira sent the brat Thea off to one of those boot camps Dr Phil is always on about? What was going on on the island?
“I’m not going to let you William Tell an innocent man.”
“He wants to mend some fences but thanks to him I can’t afford a fence.”