Witches of Camden
The coven have a spell casting. The opening credits roll and it is seven months later and they reunite. Stella’s job is in jeopardy and she pays most of the rent for their very large flat. So it’s spell time or switch time as they bizarrely call it.
Stella’s boss Janet is vile so to stop her firing Stella they cast a memory erasing spell which makes her think it’s 1990 and she is a NKOTB worshipping teenager. Cue panic and it’s all light and frothy with a dollop of sap.
Grace’s mad smothering mother shows up. She is a witch too. It seems the coven are all Fam-Trad witches who formed their coven at solstice camp when they were 14. Grace’s mad mother Gloria (Caroline Quentin of ‘Men Behaving Badly’, ‘Blue Murder’ and ‘Jonathan Creek’) is constantly trying to outdo witch rivals who are always “Blessing every bloody twig in sight”. It is randomly mentioned that witches have some form of excommunication known as ‘decloaking’ which I’m sure will come into play later on.
Meanwhile Jude casts an ill advised love spell, Stella makes friends with Janet (Amanda Drew of ‘Eastenders’) and Grace tells her mother to piss off. There are no ‘Charmed’ moral messages here. But there is a reminder of ‘Charmed’ in the vile Hannah. She is a selfish, freeloading, lazy mooch. As everything fizzes along, the final scene is unexpectedly dark. This was good.
“You look like Miss Marple.”
“I won’t be able to cover your rent or yours and then we’ll all be homeless.”
“You’ve been off the electoral roll for years, you might as well not exist.”
“I’ve had to fire three people to lift my mood.”
“They think bikinis are ironic!”
"I was gay before I met you."
“A break? You’re a witch love not an IT consultant.”
“I slept with my sister’s boyfriend while she was in a coma.”
“I’m 43 and my only boyfriend is a cat.”
“Lazy, incompetent, low impact personality.”
“That’s life. Now go and let me have one.”
The Camden witches are horrified that the Witches of Kensington have cast a hex on them and are out to get them. The nag ninny Hannah tries to get a job, two annoying kids lurk, Grace’s love interest does a little jig and Stella continues to dress like a chav.
The Witches of Kensington lurk in their castle like HQ casting hexes on the Camden witches and laughing. The unlovable, uninteresting and outright horrible Hannah plans to cast a reverse hex on head WOK Alexa.
Meanwhile Grace’s love interest turns out to be a neurotic, cold creeper. Jude has idiot workmates. The CW all get arrested but manage to cast a spell to get out of it. Luckily they have a handy witch app.
Grace finally tells the vile Hannah where to go in fine bile spitting fashion and Alexa is hexed courtesy of a ‘lightsaber’ one of the annoying kids stole from her house. The CW are all as dumb as a sack of hammers and are narcissistic with an utter disregard for others. This was not as good as 1x01 but it was okay.
“So then I managed to divert the hijackers attention, untie the bus driver and call the Colombian police.”
“Came home from school one day and, um, they’d all gone. Just like that. Faulty gas oven and some dodgy electrics.”
“Sam don’t bite that.”
“The boys have been blacklisted by every nanny agency.”
“She makes Megan Fox look like Ann Widdecombe.”