A party with hideous 1980’s outfits and hairdos ends with an obvious stuntman falling off a balcony. Cue deliciously 80’s opening credits. Jim Phelps and his folded linen face comes out of retirement and is instructed via mini laser disc to catch the killer (John de Lancie of ‘Torchwood’, ‘Breaking Bad’ and ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’).
Jim looks around his 80’s HQ and mutters: “Time does march on.”. His new team consists of master of disguise Nicholas Black (Thaao Penghlis of ‘Days of Our Lives’), tech guy Grant Collier (Phil Morris of ‘Smallville’), ornament Casey and action dude Max Harte, who while still in high school saved his big brother from a Vietnamese POW camp.
They come up with a ruse to catch the killer which would never work nowadays due to the existence of such things as mobile phones, the internet and sat nav. Cue bizarre ’London’ geography and accents. The baddie is defeated but the team then strike a heroic pose in front of him. This was okay but Casey cannot act.
A trial witness dies via exploding sauna. The IMF have to take down a syndicate crime boss by turning his protégée against him. There are hijinks at a casino, the face changing masks debut and the team triumph because the mark is stupid.
“Connors and Marley didn’t get to the top of the garbage heap by accident.”
Colonel Usher is a South American drug lord/dictator who rules with an iron fist alongside his sidekick Major Duvall. The IMF plan to get rid of him via holograms and the help of an annoying teenager who pretends to be Usher’s long lost son. Casey can’t act. There is no real team personal interaction. The dictator/drug lord is dumb and suffers a complete loss of dignity. This was not good.
“Things like assassinations at airports make me kind of nervous.”
“People I sell drugs to have hallucinations. I don’t.”
“They’re looking for you on the water.”
“That’s were you usually find the navy.”
Barney Collier (Greg Morris) is locked up by a corrupt Turkish prison warden. The IMF go to spring him. Nicholas and Max pretend to be priests. Horrible 80s clothes are worn. A tacky looking stolen necklace is important, there is a ‘twist’ and bad acting. This wasn’t good.
“Close your mouth American!”
The IMF search for Hitler’s gold! Nazi officer’s grandsons are out to get 5 billion in gold bullion to recreate the reich. They must be stopped. Max has a mullet, Casey’s acting is appalling and Nicholas goes undercover as one of the grandsons.
Greg uses a phone modem, Nicholas wears a bright orange tie and smokes a cigarette in a holder. The grandsons piece together a map to the bullion which is in English for some reason. There is a bizarre hypnosis scene, a secret passageway in a graveyard and Nicholas gets slapped in the face. This was good.
“Where’s Hitler’s gold?”
“So much for the fourth reich.”