epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

Trailers + Tape Tales of 2002&2001

The Tall Man’ trailer
An urban legend steals children, very ‘IT’. Jessica Biel who wears no make up fights the urban legend when it steals her child. This looks decent.

‘Anna Karenina’ promo
Oh it’ll all end in tears.

‘Suburgatory’ Quote:
“Go burn off that mint.”

‘The Simpsons’ Quotes:
“Please avoid the superstitious panic which marked the recent lunar eclipse.”

“Springfield’s unending nightmare: the Simpsons.”

“That is not banishment hearing behaviour.”

“Bart’s pranks which dwindle in humour as they rise in destruction.”

“If you see a Simpson do not try to reason with it. Just kill it.”

Cleared out two tapes. The first was from 2002 and opened with the season 6 ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ ep ‘Seeing Red’ in which Buffy is self absorbed, the tracking is way off, Amber Benson is in the opening credits and Willow and Tara are apparently living in Buffy’s house. The Trio do crap. This bored. Xander makes everything all about him. TPTB brushed Spike’s crime under the rug and pretended it never happened. Xander dispenses sage advice. Andrew cheers on Warren to kill Buffy, another thing TPTB brushed under the rug. Warren shoots Tara. Nobody but Willow notices or cares. Willow overacts yet somehow this ep is all about Spike.

Then came an ‘Angel’ ep ‘Forgiving’ in which baby Connor is gone, Justine is creepy, the White Room appears for the first time, there are cringe worthy fights and Wesley had his brain rotted by hubris.

Then there was a season 4 ‘Charmed’ ep ‘Bite Me’ in which Paige continues her smug war of attrition against Phoebe and Cole’s marriage. Elizabeth Gracen of ‘Highlander: The Raven’ shows up as a vampire queen. Cole overacts, Paige is rude and slut wear is worn. This bored.

Finally there was a ‘Smallville’ ep ‘Crush’ which guest starred Adam Brody of ‘The OC’ as Justin, a boy with ‘Carrie’ powers. Clark is obsessed with Lana. There is bad CGI. Chloe’s life revolves around Clark paying attention to her. She was an emotional vampire. In the final scene Clark and Lana make sexy eyes at each other during the funeral of her boyfriend’s father. Crass.

The second tape was from 2001 and opened with a season 5 ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ ep ‘Checkpoint’ in which the Watchers Council visit. They are unimpressed with the wretched and undisciplined Buffy. Glory and her idiot unwashed minions do crap. Nobody stakes Spike. This ep should be flushed down the nearest sewer due to its wretched conversational rifts and ghastly messes of nauseating sentimentality. Glory shows up in Buffy’s house and for some inane reason does not kill her and Dawn.

Then came the pointless ‘Angel’ ep ‘Blood Money’ in which Wesley, Cordelia and Gunn continue their split from Angel. Meanwhile Angel glowers in shadows and Anne runs a homeless shelter after her stint as a vampire groupie back in season 2 ‘BTVS’. She was one of the few Sunnydale High alumni to get and keep an actual job.

Then came a ‘Cleopatra 2525’ ep ‘Pod Whisperer’ in which Hel is chased by Baileys, stuff blows up and there was bad CGI. This bored but the show did have a delightful cheesy theme song. Then came a ‘Jack of All Trades’ ep ‘One, Two, Three: Give Me Lady Liberty!’ in which the statue of liberty is on the island prior to being shipped to the USA. There are silly accents and a bad ‘Planet of the Apes’ homage. This was stupid.

Finally there was a ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’ ep ‘Allegiance’ in which Picard is abducted and ends up in a locked room. Sadly this is not ‘SAW’. Meanwhile a Picard doppelganger strides around the ship shouting. This had bad makeup, overacting and was overwrought.
Tags: buffy the vampire slayer, smallville, star trek, tape tales, thoughts, trailers

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