epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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Movie Reviews: The Amazing Spiderman + St Trinians: The Legend of Fritton’s Gold + Confined

The Amazing Spiderman (2012)

This reboot was totally unnecessary. Peter Parker is a rude punk who destroys other people’s property and gets people killed and does not care. Aunt May and Uncle Ben should have thrown him out of the house as soon as he began acting like a meth addict. Gwen Stacey is a twit with no concept of appropriate attire.

The 3D was fuzzy. One of Peter Parker’s first acts with his powers is to rip a woman’s shirt off. Classy. Who was the man in the mid credits scene? Why should I care? Why did George Stacey (Denis Leary) utter a one liner before firing his shotgun? Why did Oscorp have no security?

Peter Parker was a violent punk with the mental acumen of a toddler, the crane sequence was ridiculous and Rhys Ifans was wasted. This was a waste of time.

~
St Trinians: The Legend of Fritton’s Gold (2009)

The schoolgirls from hell seek “super sized pile of bling” aka pirate treasure in this disjointed sequel. Annabel is head girl now but still disappears from most of the run time. Sarah Harding of Girls Aloud pops up as a St Trinians student who wears a two inch long skirt and gets disproportionate screen time for her plot importance.

A new clique show up the ‘ecos’ while the ‘chavs’ have renamed themselves ‘rude girls’. An evil sexist git (David Tennant) is the nemesis of this film. Colin Firth shows up to gurn, the man won an Oscar not too long after. There is possession, animation, slow motion, disguises, musical numbers and an improv performance of ‘Romeo and Juliet’. This is fluffy okay entertainment.

Best Lines:
“I can’t believe right that we’re going to dig up some rank dead geezer on the off chance he’s got a clue.”

“Mad as a bag of gerbils.”

“All the crap bits taken out, like poverty and fascism and Miley Cyrus.”


~
Confined (2010)

A couple (played by David James Elliot and Emma Caulfield) and their daughter move into a new house. Wifey becomes convinced their neighbour (Michael Hogan of ‘Battlestar Galactica’) is a nutter who has someone locked up in the cellar.

The cops don’t listen and hubby think his wife is stressed out over the perpetually overcast weather and the fact there is no deli. This was boring and descends into a typical climax with a yapping nutter wielding a shovel.
Tags: battlestar galactica/caprica, buffy the vampire slayer, movie review, westworld
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