epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Review: Cloverfield (2008)

This is a found footage film about stupid hipsters being menaced by something. After over 17 minutes of hipster whining, the monster shows up. Hud (who looks like a fat James Franco gone to seed) films it all. The foul Rob (Michael Stahl-David of ‘Kings’) shouts. Jason hangs out. Lily and Marlena follow Rob for no clear reason.

Rob does not care about endangering his friends or his dead brother; he does care about looting a phone battery. This is a horrible movie. It has clothes and hair out of ‘90210’ and hysteria out of ‘Grey’s Anatomy’. You want the Large Scale Aggressor to eat them all.

Best Lines:
“I think we need to get out of here, like, right now.”

“One of us is going to have to tackle you and that’s going to be very uncomfortable for everyone involved.”

“Maybe not the best topic for conversation down here.”

“The government’s considering the Hammerdown Protocol.”

“There’s nowhere to go to.”

“I just can’t stop thinking how scary it would be if a flaming homeless guy came out of the dark right now.”
Tags: kings, movie review, supergirl

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