epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: The Avengers + Hot Rod + Gothika + Final Destination 5

The Avengers (2012)

Nick Fury of S.H.I.E.L.D assembles the Avengers among them Iron Man and his ego, the Hulk (Mark Ruffalo who makes me miss Eric Bana and even Edward Norton), Captain America and Black Widow when Loki (Tom Hiddleston) shows up having a tantrum.

The Avengers just feed the drama. Witty barbs are exchanged, Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) goes to the bad and is vastly more interesting that way then when he is good and Thor (Chris Hemsworth) shows up in his bizarre outfit to have some brotherly bonding/subtext with the errant Loki.

This is funny and action packed even if the green screen is obvious and the 3D annoys. The “puny god” scene is hilarious, far from being a big bad Loki gets smacked around by everyone even verbally by a pensioner. Now I have to watch ‘Thor’.

Best Lines:
“There are always men like you.”

“Puny god.”

“Target is angry!”

“He’s adopted.”

Hot Rod (2007)

Rod is a wannabe stunt man who has a detached mom (Sissy Spacek) and a belligerent stepfather named Frank (Ian McShane of ‘Kings’). Rod wants to beat his step dad in a fight so he’ll respect him but Frank is dying and can’t afford a heart transplant. So Rod decides he will raise the money for the transplant, then beat up Frank and earn his respect.

Rod’s wacky plan is aided by his crew of weirdoes and the girl next door who inexplicably likes him. This is histrionic 80s homage is funny. Rod falls down an endless hill, plans to jump 15 buses, has a setback and is mocked by the vile Frank. This is good and the musical montages rule.

Best Line:
“Never sneak up on a man whose been in a chemical fire.”

Gothika (2003)

Miranda Grey (Halle Berry) is a shrink who is treating a crazy inmate (Penelope Cruz) in a loony bin. She’s happily married to the boss Doug and sort of flirting with her colleague Pete Graham (Robert Downey Jr). One night Miranda heads home in a storm and there is an accident.

She wakes up on the other side of the glass. She’s now an inmate in the murky hellhole loony bin. Doug’s dead and everyone thinks Miranda killed him. Her former colleagues don’t want to know her. Her own lawyer doubts her. People yell at her, Miranda screams and overacts. There are scare chords and red herrings. This is boring, bad, incoherent and makes no sense. Miranda is hag-ridden and it takes ages to get to the obvious.

Best Line:
“Even if you tell the truth, no one will listen.”

Final Destination 5 (2011)

1 and 2 were great but 3 and 4 sucked plus the book series abruptly stopped. This 5th movie is enjoyable but cannot revive this moribund franchise. This franchise is over like Sarkozy’s presidency.

A group of annoying twists among them Molly (Emma Bell of ‘Frozen’ who cannot act to save her life), the annoying Peter who looks like the guy from ‘Superman Returns’, Sam and Olivia head off on a team building retreat. Sam has a vision of a spectacular suspension bridge collapse and some of them escape it. But not for long as ‘Dust in the wind’ by Kansas plays as ominous foreshadowing.

There is bad acting and a boring romantic subplot with Molly/Sam. Creepy guy (Tony Todd) makes a thankful return and there are many nods to the other movies. There is a tension building gymnastics induced death and then an icky spa death. It is a shame the elaborate death scenes are wrapped around a boring plot. Agent Block (Courtney B. Vance of ‘Flashforward’) tries to find out what is going on.

The laser eye surgery scene was unwatchable but what was the window in the surgery made of? Sugar candy? One survivor goes nuts and chases other survivors through a restaurant full of death traps. This was okay, the twist ending is brilliant.

Best Lines:
Who dies during a massage? Seriously?”

“Is that supposed to be happening?”

“Guilt doesn’t kill you.”
“Obviously you’ve never met my in laws.”
Tags: agents of shield, flashforward, kings, movie review

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