epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: Terminator Salvation + Twins of Evil

Terminator Salvation (2009)

In 2003 a death row inmate Marcus (that dude from ‘Avatar’ that Hollywood keeps trying to make happen) donates his body to a doctor (Helena Bonham Carter) from the Cyberdyne Systems Genetics Division.

In 2018 John Connor (Christian Bale) fights against the machines and shouts a lot. How does this tie into the TV show? What is with the text scroll? The T800s are being built and a resistance leader (Michael Ironside) thinks Connor is a false prophet.

Skynet wants to kill Kyle Reese, is John’s parentage common knowledge or what? John listens to Sarah’s tapes but I honestly cannot tell if it is Linda Hamilton’s voice or not. Marcus shows up in 2018 and runs around being a loathsome jackass.

What are the resistance eating? Where do they get their clothes, weapons, planes, helicopter, submarine, ammo and power? How are the roads in good condition? Machines hunt humans. Marcus encounters Kyle Reese, a pilot (Moon Bloodgood of ‘Journeyman’) and some other survivors who are lazy belligerent dirty and unhelpful idiots.

People are eye bleedingly stupid, there is overacting and stridency, Marcus is a jerk, John Connor’s woman fades into the background, there is a lot of shouting and a CGI Arnie. This was okay.

Best Lines:
You’re doing something very noble.”

“Skynet’s a machine and like all machines it has an off switch.”

“Come with me if you want to live.”

“What is that?”
“Two day old coyote. Better than three day old coyote.”

“Leadership has it costs; you above all should know that.”

“The devil’s hands have been busy.”

“You were made to serve a purpose.”

“There is no fate but what we make.”

Twins of Evil (1971)

In old gothic Europe, orphaned identical twins Maria and Frieda (Mary and Madeleine Collinson) comes to live with their religious maniac uncle Gustav Weil (Peter Cushing).

Weil is obsessed with the decadent antics of Count Karnsein (Damien Thomas) and as he can’t arrest a nobleman, he burns busty young women at the stake. The arrival of his twin busty nieces and their OTT outfits is a bit much for Weil to deal with. The twins prance around in lace transparent nighties. Maria is naïve, wet and nice while Frieda is mean and sexually adventurous. She sneaks out and has a rendezvous with the count.

The count is a mud ages medallion man with a perm and hairy chest. He and Frieda have merry vampire adventures. Ineffectual choirmaster hero Anton undergoes a dumbening and fancies Frieda as his angel pie. There is dry ice, fangs, gloom, the villagers are mortally afraid of Weil and Weil chokes on his candour when he learns Frieda is a vampire.

Frieda was a bit conflicted at first but embraces her bad side, the count is dumb and Maria is placid even when her creepy uncle plans to burn her at the stake. Eventually a mob grabs pitchforks and torches and heads for the castle. The malcontent Frieda and count pay as moral order is restored. This was good.

Best Lines:
“I’m going away from here.”
“I’ll find a way.”

“Out witch hunting again?”

“It seems to be everyone’s occupation here. Hunting of one kind or the other...boars in the morning and witches at night.”

“My words were not an introduction but a warning.”

“Sir, you are impertinent.”

“Who wants to be good?”

“Not now woman!”

“I know his kind.”

“Pray for me Weil!”
Tags: movie review, sarah connor chronicles

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