epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
epiphany_maria
epiphany_maria

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Persons Unknown (2010) 1x01 + 1x02 Reviewed

Pilot
This 13 ep show starts as it obviously means to go on: badly. A gang of annoying strangers find themselves stranded in a deserted town with no idea how they got there or how to get out.

Janet is abducted from a park because she’s an idiot and carries on being an annoying moron. She hangs out with the irritating Joe the exposition dude. The rest of abductees are morons and idiots.

An idiot reporter investigates Janet’s abduction. Reggie Lee of ‘Prison Break’ shows up in a thankless role. The gang are being watched as they utter inane dialogue and respond with more and greater aggression to their situation.

This is no ’Lost’ or ’Hunger Games’, hell even ’Vanished’ or ’Reunion’ were better than this crap. I don’t care about any of these people. The acting is bad. Janet’s rich mean mother shows up in a superfluous plot point. They all have implants. There are fortune cookies and a cryptic night manager.

This was awful, populated by annoying bags of meat who have bad things happen to them.

~
The Edge
The gang cut out their implants and somehow avoid bleeding to death. Who is watching them? The opening credits are ugly. Janet is stupid and obsessed with her kid. Tori is a boring clone of Shannon from ‘Lost’ and the abductees joke about the town being surrounded by “face melting pain guns.”

The abductees are idiots. Back in the real world, Janet has been declared a child abandoner by the NYPD despite her violent abduction being caught on CCTV. The intrepid idiot reporter looks more into Janet’s case and is warned off.

Janet’s idiot spawn is menaced by her Joan Crawford like grandmother. Back in idiotville: Tori and former nut house inmate Moira look for clothes. Tori is dumb. Two men decide to beat answers out of the night manager. The fools manage to mess that up. An escape attempt goes awry. This was awful.
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