epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Ringer 1x18 + White Heat Episode Five + CSI 11x15 Reviewed

That Woman’s Never Been A Victim Her Entire Life

Andrew’s been shot. The hitman drops a tarot card, what is this ‘The Cape’? Victor is inept. Henry gets a clue that Bridget is not the evil twin. Siobhan is nuts. Olivia’s AWOL. Henry continues to neglect his children. Catherine calls Andrew and Siobhan “vampires” and shows she is amoral.

Henry’s brief flicker of intelligence is soon snuffed out by Siobhan. Tyler’s killer is revealed. Juliet comes clean and then things get more complicated. This was good.

Best Lines:
“What’s with these people? Isn’t a growing body count enough to keep looking into their business?”

“My bitch sister made him fall in love with her.”

The Eye Of The Needle

Only one episode to go and they still haven’t explained what the title means. There are flashbacks back to 1982. Victor and Charlotte are married, Orla is still living with the heroin addicted Jack and Lilly’s infertile. The Falklands War rages but Charlotte barely notices as she is being inconvenienced by her mad mother.

There are endless scenes of Jack freaking out as Orla leads an attempt to wean him off heroin by force. Lilly deals with snotty bank managers as she decides to create a greeting card business. Edward shows up and Jack weeps at how useless he is as a human being.

What does Charlotte do at the sight of the weepy, sweaty, unwashed, detoxing self pitying human compost heap that is Jack? She shags him. She and Jack are worthless human beings. This act leads her to unattended mother wandering off into the Greenham Common protest and nearly getting arrested. It also almost blows up her marriage, but Charlotte lies her way out of it.

Charlotte and Jack are selfish life ruiners; the flatmates should just dig a hole and put them in it. As a TV shows the newborn Prince William, Charlotte rubs her pregnancy in the infertile Lilly’s face.

In the present the elderly Jay shows up and he runs a bookshop, what happened to his medical career? Alan and Lilly are rich and live in Florida. Charlotte is a jerk and Lilly can’t stand her self pity party. This was terrible, a morass of hateful characters and a slow boring plot.

Targets Of Obsession

This has two plots. The serial killer/plot blight Nate goes on trial caged in a big plastic box. Meanwhile Nick (George Eads) gets a phone call from Jason (Justin Bieber) whose brother Nick emptied his gun into back in 11x01.

Nate represents himself and overacts badly. Nick nearly gets blown up and over emotes badly and is thankless. He vows to get Jason and his overdone hair, his pout and artistically bruised face.

Several team members get trapped in a warehouse which is a ‘SAW’ style death trap courtesy of Jason. Meanwhile Nate has jailhouse groupies and is over emoting about his ‘warrior gene’. The judge (Megan Gallagher) and prosecutor (Larry Poindexter of ‘Blade: The Series’) are useless and only Ray can get Nate convicted for shanking him in the kidney.

Nick escapes the death trap warehouse and gets the punk Jason and his bad acting shot a dozen times. Nate is convicted after a quick trial and promptly escapes in ridiculous fashion. Why won’t the Nate plot arc die?!? This was okay.

Best Lines:
“The love of a good woman can change any man.”
“Why don’t you tell that to the seven women we found buried under his floorboards?”

“Talk to me you little punk.”
Tags: review, ringer, white heat

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