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Movie Reviews: Prom Night III + The Descent

Prom Night III: The Last Kiss (1989)

Mary Lou (now played by Courtney Taylor) is back in this bad sequel. ‘Prom Night II’ was enjoyable horror, this is a terrible mess of camp unfunny comedy. Alex (Tim Conlon) is a moron with delusions of grandeur. One night at Hamilton High, he runs into Mary Lou in the school corridors and she falls for him.

Since when is an idiot like Alex the type of guy Mary Lou goes for? Why is there no mention of the events of ‘Prom Night II’? How was Mary Lou in hell? Why did TPTB change Mary Lou’s outfit from pink ballerina style dress, white gloves and pearls to a tacky purple sequin minidress?

It gets worse. When Mary Lou uses her powers, purple lightening flies around. The Hamilton High students wear horrible 80s hair and clothes. The new principle is an idiot. The image is grainy and there is terrible acting. Alex’s best friend Shane is a twit, Alex’s girlfriend Sarah annoys and looks like she is 30. Alex claims to care for Sarah but does it with Mary Lou within seconds of meeting her. Why are we supposed to care about the lying cheating slacker Alex?

Alex whines non-stop about his ‘average’ life. But he’s in the school band, plays football and has a BF and a girlfriend. What has he got to moan about? But Mary Lou listens to his moaning and decides to ‘improve’ Alex’s life like a good 50s housewife. She starts by turning his biology teacher into a desert product. The biology teacher is not Mr Craven from ‘Prom Night II’. Were TPTB allergic to continuity?

Mary Lou casts her evil eye around on school bully Andrew (Dylan Neal of ‘Blood Ties’ and ‘Babylon 5: Legend of the Rangers’) and the guidance counsellor who wears a cheap wig. Alex is selfish and buries the bodies on the football field. Alex is a controlling moron who thinks he can boss around an undead prom queen with supernatural powers. There is an utterly unsexy sex scene. Alex then ditches Mary Lou.

Alex poses with his new motorbike, whines about Mary Lou and is a moron. He is such a moron, he fails to notice a truck heading to the school that has ‘Bob’s Sod Farm’ emblazoned on the side. Uh oh Alex is in trouble and things get dumber.

Prom night rolls around and Mary Lou does not care about being queen, all she wants is Alex. Sarah shows up to the dance in a bizarre dress that is half black velvet and half green taffeta and it is one sleeved and has a slit and a train. Sarah wants her man back, why?

Alex, Sarah and Mary Lou end up in hell where Mary Lou rules over an eternal prom. Here the idiot plot gets even stupider. This was bitterly disappointing. Alex remains a moron right until the end. The film ends with Mary Lou triumphant once again and that’s the last we saw of her as she does not appear in ‘Prom Night IV: Deliver Us From Evil’.

Best Lines:
“The strange noises, the mysterious earth tremors, the vanishing students, these are all in the past. Even the sudden and unexplained fire which destroyed part of this very gymnasium couldn’t keep us down.”

“Medical school.”
“I don’t think so...not all of us can be doctors...the world needs ditch diggers too.”

“If you take your minds off rock videos and smoking dope, maybe this won’t be terminal.”

“I just stuffed my dead biology teacher into a cupboard.”

“They rip your heart out, show it to you, then they dance all over it with their spiked heels.”

“School sure has changed since I was a kid.”

“You really have a big heart.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Uh uh, WANNA SEE IT?”

“School’s out punk!”

“Experts agree his psychotic killing spree could be the result of bad dietary habits, rock and roll lyrics and too many horror movies.”

“Get away from my boyfriend you bitch!”


~
The Descent (2005)

Sarah loses her husband and daughter in a car accident due to her husband’s bad driving. A year later her friends decide to cheer her up by taking her caving in the Appalachian mountains. What could go wrong?

This is an okay horror from the man who gave us the brilliant ‘Dog Soldiers’. The gang of women head off into the cave led by Juno, the worst friend ever. Juno has led recklessly them into a new cave and no-one knows where they are. They lose equipment and desperately look for a way out.

There find pieces of 100 year old caving equipment which clues them into the fact that there is something down there with them. There are things lurking in the dark. Hungry things. Juno (Natalie Mendoza) looks for an escape and Sarah cracks up. This is okay if murky, I didn’t bother with the sequel.

Best Lines:
“I’ve never been lost in my life.”

“Where are we?”
“It hasn’t got a name.”

“There may not be a way out.”

“We’re two miles underground, the only light down here is ours.”
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