epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: Shrooms + King Kong

Shrooms (2006)
This was dreadful. A group of morons go to Ireland to do mushrooms in the cold, dank woods. They're vile brats, local inbreds lurk and so eating death's head fungi is a bad idea. But someone does and they trip and die. This was boring.

King Kong (1976)
WHY do they keep remaking this? Peter Jackson's version was terrible and this one is dumb. Idiots go looking for oil, one of them is Odo from 'Star Trek: Deep Space Nine' who has a bad perm. Jeff Bridges and his mullet sneaks on board.

Evil oil men glower, Bridges issues warnings and Jessica Lange shows up to wear booty shorts and display no acting talent. They land on Skull Island and prance around like idiots. They see a huge wall and annoy the natives.

Why do the natives leave out women for King Kong? Who knows, Lange is staked out for Kong and this dude in a bad suit shows up to roar. The evil oil men decide to steal Kong. The evil oil men run around the soundstage that does not look like an island and dig a trap for Kong.

Kong fights a rubber snake with teeth. This looks like an 80's tv show. Kong punches down the huge gate - why has he never done that before? He is drugged and somehow shipped to NY in an oil tanker. How did they get him off the island and onto an oil tanker? What is the natives reaction to Kong being stolen and their gate destroyed?

The acting is dire. Kong is displayed as a carnie act in NY and breaks free. Then he climbs up the World Trade Centre. Okay the whole climax is difficult to watch. The WTC setting cannot be watched knowing what became of it. Kong dies, Lange screams, Bridges shrugs. This was rubbish.

Best Lines:
"A bank of fog that doesn't change a wisp in 35 years."

"I'm not so sure that human feet have never walked the island before."

"They thought they needed a wall this size to keep it out."

"You're not in a hole, that's a footprint."
Tags: movie review, star trek

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