But he vows to get back his family so they can have their meal of rack of badger and tinsel tit. This can be a bit childish but is amusing. The hero runs to his maiden aunts and their hilariously decorated Christmas tree and learns secrets about his past. He hooks up with the Artful Codger, the oldest urchin in London who was too dim to make it to vagabond or ner’do’well.
Our dense hero learns of a will, a missing heir, a codicil and an old woman in a wedding dress. Can he put it all together, defeat the “flint hearted bag of pus” Skulking-Worm and have the best Christmas ever? This is okay, bad child actors aside.
“A pineapple Duke of Wellington?”
“A healthy mix of fruit and militarism.”
“Pin the tail on the pauper.”
“I command you to emerge.”
“Yes? Are you a rude carol singer?”
“Who are you hideous crone?”
“He stopped dancing and started punching me.”
“What another strange coincidence.”
“When did you last have that dress washed?”
“35 Christmas Eves ago.”