epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

Movie Reviews: Rachel Getting Married + The Adventures of Robin Hood + GI Joe: The Rise Of Cobra

Rachel Getting Married (2008)
Kym gets out of rehab and heads home to disrupt her sister's wedding. Kym is a drama queen and Rachel (it's Charmain from 'United States of Tara'!) just wants one day where people pay attention to her for once. But everything becomes all about Kym, again. Meanwhile their dad enables Kym, their mother (Debra Winger) is distant. This was dull and looks like a home video. It's too much in love with itself.

Best Line:
"Didn't I see you on COPS?"

The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938)
It's 1191 and King Richard has been captured and Prince John plans to rule along with his toady Sir Guy (Basil Rathbone). But Robin Hood and his hero shots plans to thwart him. Like 'Siege of the Saxons', I don't get this. It's dull and the big swordfight looks sped up.

Plus too much of this plot was parodied in 'Men In Tights'. Marian is a rude idiot and has eye watering outfits. Robin Hood waves his sword over his head like it is a handbag and everything is a bit too camp. King Richard shows up and it all ends. Thankfully. This was just dull.

Best Lines:
"Why you speak treason."

GI Joe: The Rise Of Cobra (2009)
This was silly but rather fun. It opens with a bizarre prologue. A weapons designer (Christopher Eccleston of 'Doctor Who') has a plan to do bad things. Meanwhile Duke (the stolid Channing Tatum) and his BFF join up with GI Joe led by General Hawk (Dennis Quaid) to foil the evil forces of, well they don't have a name yet so let us just call them evil forces.

There's a training montage and one liners but the bad guys are way more interesting. There is an attack on Paris and the GI Joes get rightfully arrested for blatant property destruction. Duke is stupid and there is a showdown at an underwater base as the Baroness (Sienna Miller), Storm Shadow and Cobra Commander (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) duel with Snake Eyes (Ray Park), Duke and Scarlett (Rachel Nichols of 'The Inside').

Granted the action scenes can be murky, Tatum's acting is dire and everyone else overacts but it's okay fun. I was actually interested in the sequel until I read that in 'GI Joe 2' there is no Destro, Cobra Commander, Baroness, Hawk or Scarlett. Well then, I've now lost all interest in 'GI Joe 2'. Well done Hollywood.

Best Lines:
"I've been thinking."
"You know I warned you about that."

"He gave up."
"He never gives up."

"He doesn't speak."
"He doesn't say."

"He's still alive."
"He can't be. He's got three inch needles in his head."

"When all else fails. We don't."

"We survived that blast, somewhat."

"Damn that ninja's fast."

"This will only hurt a little. What comes next, more so."
Tags: continuum, doctor who, movie review, the inside, united states of tara

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