epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
epiphany_maria
epiphany_maria

Movie Reviews: Adrift + Hatchet II

Adrift (2006)

Six morons and a baby go off on a yacht. Everyone jumps or is thrown over the side (bar the baby) and they swim around. However then they notice they never put down the ladder and they can't get back onto the yacht. This was boring as everyone was a moron or a belligerent idiot. There was way too much hysteria and bad acting and it was all so STUPID: a phone is thrown away, someone is accidentally stabbed and a clothes ladder is botched. Plus the ending made no sense.

~
Hatchet II (2010)

I hated this piece of crap. The original was good but this was awful. It starts out badly because the original Marybeth actress does not return and instead we get Danielle Harris and her shoddy acting and wonky eyebrows. Marybeth fights off Victor Crowley and his pizza makeup with a fingerpoke of doom then she walks back to New Orleans and looks up Rev Zombie (Tony Todd).

Zombie and Justin (Parry Shen) have a cunning plan. To go back into the swamp with Marybeth and a pack of hunters to stop pizzaface aka Crowley once and for all. Cue T&A, unfunny comedy and a new version of Victor Crowley's backstory.

Marybeth and her lopsided face can't act and there is way way too much gross-out. Marybeth is a twit and never bothers to tell Justin his identical twin brother was carved up by Crowley until way, way too late. The ill-advised recasting also means Marybeth's Southern accent has vanished.

The acting is dire and full of illogic. Marybeth has no reaction when she first sees Justin and the swamp night is over bright. Everyone is an idiot who needs to die. This was terrible sexist crap. I didn't care about anyone or the shoutout to the equally dreadful 'Frozen'. There was one brief highlight, a cameo by Sarah from 'Scream Queens'.

Best Lines:
"I want my daddy to see this!"

"His presence was like a pestilence."
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