epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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epiphany_maria

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United States of Tara 3x07 + True Blood 3x07 + Teen Wolf 1x07 Reviewed

The Electrifying and Magnanimous Return of Beaverlamp
Charmain forgets her baby. Max reunites his old band Beaverlamp. Tara makes everything all about her, again. Marshall’s idiot film subplot drags on and he asks why Max and Tara had kids at all, which is a good question.

Kate somehow keeps her job. The alters plot. Hattaras has a bad day and Max is told some uncomfortable truths. Tara does something freaky. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Your essay on schizophrenia was abysmal but maybe you missed that lecture when you were driving your car into your pregnant sister.”

“I so wanted to be a roadie for The Counting Crows but I was in massage school.” 

~
Hitting The Ground
Sookie stakes Lorena who vomits a blood geyser and finally, finally expires. Sookie freaks out and ignores Tara’s pain. Debbie Pelt takes up valuable TV time. Sam infiltrates his family’s dirty secret. Fangbanging has evidently fried Sookie’s brain.

Hoyt gets a girlfriend, Sophie-Anne is locked in a big birdcage, Eric finds out a secret. Bill gorges on Sookie’s blood. Jason’s dumb. Sookie doesn’t have a blood type (or a brain).

This was uuhhh. Sam’s birth family are the worst people ever. Sookie’s in a coma and prances around in a vision and learns something about her parent’s death. Bill shows up to pontificate. There is Tiffany product placement. Pam is rescued, Sookie screams, someone dies in ridiculous fashion and Russell yells.

Best Lines:
“What are you?”

“Well, I certainly wasn’t expecting that.”

“I just need some meth.”

“For the life of me I can’t understand the power you’ve got over these people. Cos I see you for what you are. You’re just a scared man in saggy underpants with no discernible life skills whatsoever.”

“The dark approaches.” 

~
Night School
Scott, Stiles, Lydia, Jackson and Allison are trapped in the school by the Alpha. Neither Scott or Stiles care that Derek may be dead, plus they’re dumb and Scott can’t act.

Everyone is stupid. Jackson is a jerk to Lydia. The school has a huge pool. Everyone wanders around the dark school like a moron. Scott lies and blames Derek which is a total WTF moment. Why does he lies and say it is Derek? What is wrong with him? He’s a vile useless liar and a toe rag.

The werewolf effects are moronic. Allison undergoes another personality change and dumps Scott. This was awful. Allison dumping Scott was played as a bigger tragedy than Scott’s lie or the dead janitor or anything else. Scott is so dumb he seems incapable of reading something as intellectually demanding as a menu.
Tags: teen wolf, true blood, united states of tara
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