epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
epiphany_maria
epiphany_maria

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Movie Reviews: The Caine Mutiny + Boot Camp + Serenity + Wacko

The Caine Mutiny (1954)
A mama's boy joins the navy in WW2 and is dumped on the Caine, a small dirty scruffy minesweeper. Ensign Keith (said mama's boy) dislikes it and we get endless scenes of him angsting as well as endless scenes devoted to his tedious romantic subplot. Then the Caine gets a new captain named Queeg (Humphrey Bogart) and the officers dislike him and plot against him.

Queeg acts irrationally causing the XO to consult a book entitled 'Mental Disorders'. Then during a violent storm, the crew mutiny. Cue a court marital and the XO is defended by Greenwald (Jose Ferrer). Much is made of those who stirred the pot and then Queeg is called to testify. This was okay, Lee Marvin has a small role.

Best Line:
"Captain, you seem to be the victim of constantly disloyal officers."

~
Boot Camp (2010)
Sophie (Mila Kunis of 'Black Swan' and 'That 70's Show') hates her mother and mean stepfather who seem to live a perfume commerical existence. She's stroppy and then one day she's dragged from her room, sedated, tied up with zip-ties and packed off to a boot camp in Fiji. Her boyfriend Ben (Gregory Smith of 'Everwood') objects and starts planning to rescue her.

Meanwhile Sophie is at the Advanced Serenity Achievement Programme getting some tough love alongside other troubled teens. The tough love seems to be doing her some good and then Ben ends up at the same camp by faking a drug addiction and it all goes to hell.

The ASAP's crazy leader Hail (Peter Stormare of 'Prison Break') is clearly out to lunch. Kids get beat up, the boys do shirtless jogging, the girls tend the garden, there are forced public confessions of sins and much bullying. Ben and Sophie try to escape.

Both Ben and Sophie are wildy selfish and their attitude and the unqualified staff soon spark major trouble at the ASAP camp. This was good but the ending leaves much to wonder about.

Best Lines:
"You're on an island surrounded by ocean, surrounded by more ocean."

"The faster you learn, the sooner you can go home."

"He got his PHD on the internet!"

"You belong here because your parents have given up on you."

"We're on an island half way around the world with less rights than prisoners on Death Row."

~
Serenity (2005)
This was a glorified TV movie. It's a sequel/reboot to 'Firefly' and it's terrible. Simon looks good in his fascist disguise, River annoys, there are still no Asians or an explanation as to who the men with blue hands were. We do get exposition dumps and endless pointless fight scenes and bad CGI.

Mal is a vile self pitying jerk. There is rubbish dialogue and wannabe funny dialogue. Everyone expresses themselves in an irritating manner. They're self righteous thieves who get annoyed when Reavers show up. River beats up a bar full of people for no good reason other than TPTB thought it looked 'cool'.

The whole dumb Miranda plot, Mal's screaming, Mr Universe and the explanation of the Reavers origin was ridiculous and lifeless. Mal blames everyone else for his own jerk behaviour. Two characters die, nobody cares. Zoe keeps calling Mal "Sir" because she's got to keep her emotional adultery with him going.

When we're not getting bad fight scenes we're getting overacting, Inara wearing silly outfits and big questions stay unanswered: would anyone care about the broadcast? Why didn't the Alliance just shoot the Serenity crew when they had the chance?

The Operative was the only interesting character in this. Simon gets his shirt off after Kaylee whines him into just giving up and loving her. River flies the ship and everyone loves Mal again. Awful ending, awful movie.

~
Wacko (1981)
13 years ago at the Halloween Pumpkin Prom, the Lawnmower Killer ran over two teenagers with a power lawnmower. Now he's back, maybe. This is an unfunny, taste free, offensive 'spoof' with a script that makes no sense, bad acting and tired jokes.
Tags: movie review, prison break
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