epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

Retro Review: Freaklinks (2000-2001) Ep 1

Subject: Fearsum
In 1998 Adam created a website (on geocities?) to track down the strange and unusual. Derek his twin brother was the investigator until Adam killed himself. It seems Derek was off investigating a spontaneously combusting lap dancer while Adam was committing suicide (or was he?).

Adam lived in a big creepy house and Derek found him dead in the bath in a display of horrendous acting. That was three years ago. The opening credits to this show are lame. Anyway Derek and his comic relief sidekick Jason now run the website which Derek renamed freakylinks. Derek's a moron and there is a token woman named Lan who has a helium voice.

Derek is sent some bizarre footage that suggests Adam isn't dead. Derek looks up Adam's galpal Chloe. This show looks cheap and dated. The word "croatoan" is thrown around. Derek doesn't know it, which is dumb.

The Roanoke Colony story is retold via flashbacks. Virgina Dare the first colonist child born in what was not yet America is described as: "A shapeshifter sent back from the depths of hell." For some reason a loony named Vince (Dennis Christopher of 'Profiler') shows up to rant.

There is bad acting, incoherent dialogue, glyphs on walls, a ridiculous baddie, an amulet and this was bad. Really, really bad. 'Freedom' was better than this.

Best Lines:
"Have I ever let you down? This week?"

"The wack pack have been busy."

Tags: review, roanoke

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