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The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged 13 ¾ (1985) Review, Part 2

Ep 4
A school trip to the British Museum ends in disaster thanks to an inept teacher and Barry Kent. Adrian and Pandora phone their headmaster for help from a phone box. Pandora is ordered to take charge and bosses her classmates and useless teacher about. A policeman orders them out of London.

Barry Kent and his ugly haircut gets no dialogue in this ep even when he starts beating people up on the coach at 7:30 in the morning before it has even left the school grounds. Also Pandora’s pony Blossom is sold. Bert is being forced into a nursing home.

A large phone bill arrives at the Mole house. Pandora’s mother wears a sweatband and overacts. This was dull, the school museum trip disaster and Barry Kent being arrested in Soho was far funnier in the book.

Best Lines:
“He’s nothing but a mean, small minded git. He could easily use one of his plastic cards. They don’t know he’s got no money in the bank.”

“It’s typical of this school to employ an alcoholic coach driver.”

“Pandora thinks Barry Kent’s gone to Soho.”

“Barry Kent, who was found rampaging through Soho.”

~
Ep 5
Adrian has to have his tonsils out after nine years on the NHS waiting list. George Mole claims to have slept in two coal sacks stitched together as a child. Adrian phones his grandmother to check this claim and is told that is was flour sacks. Pandora wears vile 80’s attire, has cold dead eyes and can’t act.

Adrian is subjected to terrible NHS ‘care’. Pauline Mole and her ratty perm shows up. George Mole gives his post-operative son salt&vinegar crisps. Then Bonfire Night arrives and Pandora burns her comics because: “They don’t bear feminist analysis.”

Adrian burns the phone bill, this leads to the telephone being cut off. Pauline Mole announces she has left Mr Lucas and returned to her family. Joy is short lived as she quickly finds Adrian’s porn stash and the phone bill for £369.

Bert gets engaged to Queenie, a loud old woman. Adrian continues to make wannabe withering insults about his family. Pauline has to do all the housework again; she needs to put on her smack hand. This was dull.

Best Lines:
My father says we’re here to have children. But now that test tubes can give birth, I think his answer is a bit irrelevant.”

“So I now know that my father is a pathological liar.”

“I don’t know who Noel Coward is. Or was.”

“It’s like bedlam in here; old men keep falling out of bed.”

“How can I be immature? I’ve had a rejection letter from the BBC.”

“I’m very fond of your father and I miss the dog as well.”
“I notice she doesn’t mention me.”

“I went to Marks and Spencer’s to buy Pandora Chanel No 5 but they hadn’t got any. So I bought her an underarm deodorant instead.”

~
Ep 6
It’s Christmas and Adrian gives his mother an egg timer. On Christmas Day he casually informs his parents that Bert and Queenie are coming for dinner. Pauline ‘thaws’ the turkey under the hot tap.

Bert and Queenie marry. The Pink Brigade is formed at school by wannabe ‘radical’ students. A teacher defaces the headmaster’s portrait of Thatcher causing a ruckus. George Mole gets job cleaning a canal.

Adrian fancies his fellow Pink Brigade member Barbara who has a mullet. The Falklands War starts. Adrian sniffs glue and ends up with a model plane stuck to his nose. This was okay.

Best Line:
My relations from Norfolk are here. They’re all inbred and can’t speak properly.”
Tags: adrian mole
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