d’Artagnan (Michael York of ‘Cabaret’) comes to Paris to be a musketeer and picks fights with everyone. Milady (Faye Dunaway) and her hats lurks. The three musketeers throw wobblies and fight people while wearing their high heeled boots, lace and feathers.
d'Artagnan befriends the threesome and they all hang out doing daring do. Athos (Oliver Reed) is drunk and brooding. Aramis (Richard Chamberlain) has a 1970’s perm and Porthos (Frank Finlay of ‘Bouquet of Barbed Wire’) falls over a lot.
d'Artagnan falls for Constance (Raquel Welch) while fighting the big cheese (Christopher Lee) and foiling the plots of Cardinal Richelieu (Charlton Heston). Bad wigs are worn, the idiot royal family has a crisis due to the Queen’s emotional adultery and much camp comedy is had. Oliver Reed steals the movie by brooding a lot.
There are numerous swordfights, the King is an idiot and Milady has killer hairpins. This was okay with a happy ending and then there was the sequel. But that is another story.
“The rascal can sleep out there. When monsieur beats him for insolence his screams will scare be heard.”
“That devil has spies everywhere. That evil, filthy, revolting, wretched man. Evil, filthy, revolting, evil man.”
“In the Bastille, there is no afterwards.”
“This pass is only for one person.”
“I am only one person. That is a servant.”
“England is an island, how do I get off?”
This has an atmospheric start and the story does intrigues with a local witch, stories of odd deaths and unpleasant locals. But the resolution with yelling about wills, many horrible murders, odd behaviour and ludicrous revelations derails the story. This was okay could have been better.
“Old sins cast long shadows.”
“All dead and mouldering in their graves.”