epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
epiphany_maria
epiphany_maria

Tape Tale of 199?

Cleared out a tape from the late 90’s. It had three ‘Xena Warrior Princess’, two ‘The X Files’ and one ‘Due South’ on it. It didn’t entertain me but it must have done once long ago back when ‘Steps’ had fans.

First up is ‘Crusader’ a season 4 ‘Xena’ ep that features the Hellenic Joan of Arc, Najara (Kathryn Morris of ‘Cold Case’). Gabrielle wants to join her but Xena soon realises that Najara’s a nut. This was dull.

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Then there was a season 3 ‘Due South’ called ‘Mojo Rising’ in which Stan and the smug Mountie get involved in voodoo. This was unfunny and trying too hard. Frannie and Dewey have an unfunny subplot. This was dull.

Best Line:
You blink and you miss a big wall of fire.”

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Then there came the season 2 ‘Xena’ ep ‘Return of Callisto’ in which Callisto escapes from jail. Gabrielle’s old boyfriend shows up and she marries him, beds him and then Callisto kills him. There is lots of shrieking and bad dialogue. People are out of character. Joxer annoys. Callisto won’t stop whining. Not very good.

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Then there was an ep of ‘The X Files’ entitled ‘The End’ in which Krycek and Smoking Man ran around in the snow. Skinner lurks. Spender annoys. Plotters mutter at each other. Fowley obfuscates. Scully is The Scully. Mulder believes Fowley’s lies. The X Files office burns down. I don’t care. Didn’t Spender and Mulder turn out to be half brothers? I think Smoking Man hated Mulder less or something.

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Up next was the season 2 ‘Xena’ ep ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ in which Joxer inflicts himself on viewers again. Orpheus appears as a whining severed head. Bacchus turns village maidens into Bacchae aka vampires. How can Orpheus sing without lungs? The Bacchae can’t enunciate around their fangs. Gabrielle turns into a Bacchae and sports black leather, long finger nails and yellow eyes. There are Dryads and wire fu. Bacchus has movie villain syndrome. This is okay.

Best Line:
“You little Bacchae!”

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Finally there was another ‘The X Files’ ep ‘Patient X’ in which Mulder does ponderous narration and Cassandra Spender (Veronica Cartwright of ‘The Witches of Eastwick’) claims to be a multiple alien abductee. The annoying blonde woman (Laurie Holden) plots with Krycek. This is during Mulder’s period as a sceptic and so he ignores all Cassandra’s blatherings about aliens and tests. Spender shows up to annoy. Various people blather on about vaccines, black oil and abductions. Stuff happens at a dam. This was dull.
Tags: tape tales, xfiles
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