epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
epiphany_maria
epiphany_maria

Tape Tale of 200?

Cleared out a tape from 2000/2001ish. It had one ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’, two ‘X Files’ eps and one ‘Xena, Warrior Princess’ ep on it.

The ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ ep was the season 4 ‘The Initiative’ in which TPTB beat viewers over the head with how cool and nice Riley Finn was. Riley is a TA, a frat boy and a demon hunting vigilante. He also likes Buffy. TPTB wanted us to love him. Riley and his idiot pals hunt Spike after he escapes the Initiative which is located under Riley’s frat house. Xander serves no purpose but to make stupid comments, Buffy’s dumb and thankless.

Riley punches Parker out and courts Buffy. Harmony annoys. She and Xander have a slap fight. The icy Professor Walsh seems to be the only woman in the Initiative which looks like its HQ is made of tin foil. Riley is devoid of personality. The Initiative only wear their masks when it serves a dramatic purpose. Why does no-one stake Spike? Why do Buffy and Willow dress like their wardrobe was inspired by a packet of chewy fruits? The Initiative doesn’t seem particularly stringent in their choice of recruits. Buffy and Riley clash during the Spike hunt which was an interesting idea but it got tossed too soon. The stupid chip-in-Spike’s-head plot begins. There is a night vision raid on Buffy’s dorm. While this ep had a few good lines it signified the catastrophic dismantling of the central tenets of the show. This was a dull, dreary, resolutely interest-free zone.

Best Lines:
“I need to go find something slutty to wear tonight.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“If you hurt her, I will beat you to death with a shovel.”

“I need space.”
“We’re outdoors.”
“Emotionally.”

“Are you drunk?”
“Yes! Go and report me.”


~
Then there was ‘The X Files’ season 6 ep ‘Milagro’ in which Scully has a stalker, again. Mulder yaps on about psychic surgery. People are having their hearts ripped out and it all ties into the stalker who narrates the ep and can change reality with his typing. Scully looks bored, the mystical BS narration annoys and this is all eminently mockable.

The second ‘The X Files’ season 6 ep was ‘Trevor’ in which a prisoner held in general odium escapes. The prisoner is purposely mean, nasty, selfish, harsh and has anger issues. Mulder and Scully are not too bright. June the prisoner’s old lady has reinvented herself but her old flame who is stroppy and can walk through walls is after her. This was dull.

~
Finally there was the season 6 ‘Xena, Warrior Princess’ ep ‘Return of the Valkyrie’ which was the final part of a trilogy which was a mash up Beowulf and Wagner’s Ring cycle. The first two episodes in the trilogy were great, this is a letdown. Basically evil Xena was a valkyrie and made the evil ring. A year has passed since the events of the previous episode. Xena had curse induced amnesia and Gabrielle’s sleeping on a crag guarded by an eternal flame. Only her soulmate can free her. Now who could that be? The valkyrie who evil Xena turned into a tree monster continues stomping around her bog

There are flashbacks, bimbo valkyries, bad acting, terrible blue screen effects, Xena wails, Odin sneers and a slutty evil valkyrie sneers too. Plus there are many, many unnecessary fight scenes that serve as padding. Then there are the unnecessary visions, these characters have the IQ’s and humane fellow feelings of a virus.

The evil valkyrie who looks like a transvestite donkey witch is kicked into the eternal flame. Xena saves Gabrielle. The ring is returned to the maidens. This was a damp squib ending.

Best Lines:
“I’d like to catch up but I’m afraid killing you is going to make that a bit difficult.”

“I’ve waited a long time for this.”
Wait longer.”
Tags: buffy the vampire slayer, tape tales, xfiles
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