The ‘Xena, Warrior Princess’ ep was the season 1 ep ‘A Fistful of Dinars’ as Xena and her chatty sidekick are drawn into a treasure hunt. An assassin and Xena’s warlord ex-fiancée are along for the ride. Cue a light hearted adventure with a collapsing rope bridge, a convenient volcano and bizarre traps. This was okay.
“Who’s the brat?”
“I’m Gabrielle, who are you?”
“How are you?”
“Quite well actually.”
“Nice move pretty boy.”
The ‘Star Trek: Voyager’ ep was ‘Message in a Bottle’ where the lost starship detects another Starfleet vessel via the Hirogen relay system. For various techno babble reasons they can’t talk to it so they send the Doctor’s hologram programme instead. The Doctor ends up on the USS Prometheus which has been commandeered by Romulans. So the Doctor and the Prometheus’ EMH2 (Andy Dick) have to save the day. Cue bad acting and the Doctor and the EMH2 trying to outdo each other in scenery chewing and large ham acting. There are idiot subplots, the Prometheus shows off its multi vector assault mode and contact with Starfleet Command happens off screen. This was mediocre.
“Is the Federation at war with the Romulans?”
“No, the Romulans haven’t got involved in our fight with the Dominion.”
“I elicit apprehension.”
“Paranoia is a way of life for you isn’t it?”
The ‘Sliders’ ep was ‘The Dying Fields’ which involves the shark jumping baddies the Kromaggs. The gang (Quinn, Colin, Maggie and Rembrandt) end up in a training camp for Kromagg/human hybrids who can’t act. There is bad SFX, the horror of the “breeding colonies” is underplayed and there is some terrible dialogue. This dull ep has a downer ending.
The first ‘The Burning Zone’ ep was ‘Lethal Injection’ in which Cassain is alerted to the Gethsemane Project in which a group of nuts use death row inmates to communicate with the other side. There is a freakish depiction of the other side which owes a debt to ‘Phantasm’. This show had great opening credits.
Dr Marcase (Jeffrey Dean Morgan of ‘Watchmen’ and ‘Supernatural’) is outraged. A convict (Keith Szarabajka of ‘Profit’ and ‘Angel’) is experimented on and the head scientist (Dennis Christopher of ‘Profiler’) is nuts. Marcase is sent on a trip to the other side. Marcase runs around the city of the dead and is subject to really unsubtle symbolism and is remarkably calm about it all. Cassain chats on his huge mobile phone. Wheezing shuffling zombies lurk. This was okay, I miss this show.
“We believe we’ve made contact with intelligent beings on the other side.”
“The other side of what?”
“What you consider death is nothing more than changing realities.”
“Really? Well isn’t that a relief.”
“Go to hell.”
“Well, you’ll get there before we do.”
“We’ve lost contact with his personality.”
“Has everyone in our government gone insane?”
The second ‘The Burning Zone’ episode was ‘Touch of the Dead’. It’s Cassain’s birthday and someone infects him with a deadly plague, that for some reason isn’t contagious. Cassain remembers his old love Rachel and we get hilarious flashbacks to Cassain as a long haired, shorts wearing nice guy. Cassain clenches his jaw so much I’m amazed he never fractured his teeth.
Hailey chats to a woman in a loony bin who fakes insanity, Rachel shows up to be ethereal and the show’s Big Bad show up. The Big Bad are The Dawn who are dedicated to wiping out humanity; they have a very eye catching logo. Cassain was unaware until now his best friend was in The Dawn, talk about failing upwards. Cassain sets a trap for his ‘friend’ involving a car door handle, a razor blade and Cassain’s pestilent blood. Rachel’s new age babble saves Cassain, the fate of his ‘friend’ is unknown. This was dull.
“Let’s smoke the hive and see which bees come out.”
“I hate bees, poked a stick at a beehive when I was young once and got stung 39 times.”
“You were a dumb kid.”
“The results of which would be too gruesome to describe, even to you.”
Finally there was the season 4 ‘Babylon 5’ ep ‘No Surrender, No Retreat’ in which Sheridan decides he’s running the galaxy now. Cue wooden acting, massive speeches and lots of talky scenes. Sheridan decides to retake the Proxemia 3 colony. There is no mention of his ex-wife who sided with Clarke. How did Sheridan get three women to marry him? Garibaldi continues to be tightly wound and have anger issues, no-one notices or cares. The evil doctor from ‘Scrubs’ pops up as an EarthForce captain loyal to Clarke. Sheridan is the moral arbiter of the galaxy. Promexia 3 is liberated. Garibaldi leaves B5. This was dull.