Dr Bill Masen (Dougray Scott of ‘Perfect Creature’) works with Triffids in the Triffoil business. Jo (Joely Richardson of ‘Nip/Tuck’) is a reporter. They meet by chance after a solar storm blinds most of the population. But that’s not the worst of it. The Triffids are loose and their reign of terror has begun. Are these the last days of humankind?
The opening is good as we get flashbacks of Bill’s mother being killed by a Triffd sting when he was a child. Plus the solar storm looks really good. But who was the loony guy who let the Triffid’s out and how did he know the solar storm was dangerous? The Triffids weren’t grateful that he set them free seeing as they killed him.
A creepy guy (Eddie Izzard) is on a plane which crashes. He survives that by using life vests in the airliner's loo to cushion his landing. He seems to embrace walking from the wreckage into a post-apoc world where civilization is but a memory. He calls himself Torrence and he’s bad. He wanders around Number 10 being smug.
Bill and Jo flee aimlessly around the place, they seem to ignore the creepy sight of a little sighted girl helping her blind father. Bill is sad that his colleague Lucy was killed by the Triffids: “She was blind but she fought.”
Bill tries to warn people that ten million large carnivorous plants that move independently are on the loose but nobody listens. Then he, Jo and Torrence encounter the smug, self righteous Coker (Jason Priestly of ‘Beverly Hills 90210’ and ‘Love and Death on Long Island’)
Coker tries to do good but only makes things worse because he is a moron. We get endless scenes of prats being prattish. Where are the Triffids? Triffids show up but are seen in shadow and from a distance. In the 1981 version the styrofoam Triffids were scary, here they’re not, they look like an over grown garden centre reject.
Anyway Torrence stages a coup and Bill and Coker seem destined to be Triffid chow. The Triffids finally show up in force but they’re all CGI and have no weight or scare factor.
This was okay but what destroyed Big Ben? Where did Torrence’s heavies come from? How did he take over?
“The world’s falling apart and you have to check on some plants.”
“You’re telling me that Triffids can move?”
“Nuclear power stations can’t move, Triffids can.”