November 17th, 2021

Pretty Smart

Book Review: Sex With Presidents 🍆

Sex With Presidents by Eleanor Herman

From the author of 'The Royal Art Of Poison' and 'Sex With Kings' comes this tacky and sleazy tale of White House goings on. Certain POTUS' are revealed as figures of revulsion. This was not devastating or raw. There are damning verdicts on some POTUS'. This was excruciating. Mistresses saw themselves as indispensable but had outstayed their welcome. Wives were ill treated and POTUS' and their mistresses had mutually affirming bubbles of self pity and self delusion. There were disastrous decisions made due to self pity and entitlement.


Best Lines:

“Full futed.”


“Rabid enemies.”


“Purgative Confesson.”


“Farm book.”


“Life veer horribly off course.”


“Clamoring for money and marriage.”


“So vile a man as this.”


“Ghastly reputation.”


“Night of ruin.”


“Constant bitter arguments.”


“Shattered her hopes, destroyed her dreams, and broke her heart.”


“Unrewarding toil.”


“A congaline of sick relatives.”


“Not overburdened with charm.”


“Long ago loathed and repented of.”


“Cold renunciation.”


“Post-cataclysm.”


“Diabolical plot.”


“Did not go home in shame.”


“Forceful determination.”


“Believed he had the making of a great man.”


“Resigned acceptance.”


“Scented challenge.”


“The ex-wife and the current wife and the mistress all bitch-slapped each other in public to the cheers of onlookers.”


“Obviously a lunatic.”


“-And still he didn't marry her.”


“An image was expected.”


“An awful place.”


“The most awful town.”


“Violent threats.”


“Crusade against evil things.”


“Frosty dislike.”


“Dull bitterness.”


“As if it was an everyday event – which in his life it probably was.”


“Terrible statements.”


“Earnest significance.”


“The town laughing stock.”


“Vicious traits.”


“A century of bad taste.”


“Unlikeable, stony, with no desire for redemption.”


“Raging tantrum.”


“Predictions of gloom.”


“Throughly, visibly and persistently miserable.”


“If he didn't like his food, he would spit it on – on the plate of person sitting next to him.”


“It's better to have him inside the tent pissing out than outside pissing in.”


“Raining as hard as a cat pissing on a flat rock.”


“Finally married him after waiting thirty years.”


“Outlasted the wife and gotten him in the end.”


“Three-whore-a-day habit.”


"Dark abysm of pish."


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To Light The Way To Bed

Movie Reviews: Siren + The Loft 👎👎

Siren (2018)

Dude bros waging a war of intimidation meet their match. This was an utter farce. This was extremely ridiculous and such a man Jonah is. Each scene gets ghastlier. This is so male gaze. This was frivolous and ends idiotically. Dude bros dodge trouble until they don't. Disastrous events unfold. Jonah calls his bride to be a slut. He and 3 other dude bro morons head off on a bachelor party. They mock strippers and after being invited to a remote location, they go! They end up in a sex club and Jonah's friends urge him to cheat. This was not ominious. I vehemently hated this sexist piece of crap. This was doomed to be forgettable. The volatile fools die. The moment for perserving harmony is long past. People fail in their moral duty and die in dire circumstances. And nothing of value was lost.

Best Lines:

“Cultists.”


“Summoned something.”


“Drink til they're hot.”


“Only good things happen in the woods.”


“Getting my actual friends killed!”


~
The Loft (2014)

A group of married men share a loft for their pathological infidelity. Karl Urban, James Marsden and Wentworth Miller of 'Prison Break' and 'Legends Of Tomorrow') star alongside Eric Stonestreet of 'Modern Family' and Isabel Lucas and Rhona Mitra and Valerie Cruz and Elaine Cassidy of 'Harper's Island' and Kristin Lehman.


The brusque, impatient men who disdain their wives find a dead woman in their loft. This is like a 90s direct to video erotic thriller. The body has no smell and her face isn't shown. The loft is on the 9th floor and the building apparently has zero security. The pals who share the loft aren't pals or nice people. They have kids and all of them have dark hair. They do not call the cops. The victim is unknown until her ID is revealed.


Vincent (Urban) is sleazy and into taking his clothes off to show off why he's proud of what's underneath. This is non-linear. Vincent encourages adultery. This was uninteresting. Wives are disregarded by the selfish jerks. Their children are unseen. Luke (Miller) has issues. A blonde stalker named Anna has a secret. Chris (Marsden) whines. This was plain idiotic. The men make foolhardy choices. The childish, deceitful men do blustering hyperbole.


The men are unembarrassed. This was futile. The men are loveless to each other and the wives and children they do not care about. There is much unfaithfulness. There is drug use and the fat guy gets drunk a lot. Why is a loo door made of glass? The men are all creepy and unpleasant. This was ineffective. The body is cuffed to the bed.


The fat guy/Marty (Stonestreet) is a caricature. There are unflattering close ups. The wives are lonely and sad. A skinny woman with pee colouted hair extensions is the victim. Why does the body not smell? There is no sanctitude.


This was tawdry and is Luke meant to be a closet case? Phil is Chris' half brother and has an ugly history and habit. They are unpleasant company. This was the least impressive. Phil is a perv. There is a camera and shouldn't the body be changing colour? There are dark and angry tones and narcissistic personality disorders and hubris syndrome. There is refusal to listen to advice, overconfidence, reckless and impulsive actions and incompetence.


The wives are disdainful and angry. Phil's horrible to his wife who looks like a teenager. The men are perma orange. This was inert. There are plots and social pretensions and a twist ending and another twist but no aplomb. Why are there so many knives in the loft? The friends are disapproving. There is no sublime dignity. They're seemingly unaware that corpses do not bleed. Nor do they question all the pills on the bed. This was meagre. There is inappropriate touching.


There is another twist and martial dysfunction. There is chronic broken zipper syndrome and miserable petty nastiness. This was meaningless and disastrous.


Best Lines:

“Your version of events does sound pretty bizarre.”


“Kick your ass at your own f*cking wedding!”


“Do you know who's lying there?”


“I'll clean up like always.”


“Me, her, your wife.”


“Strip him.”


“What did you do to me?”

“What you deserve.”


“Vincent hasn't always been a good friend.”


“My own friends.”


“I feel nothing for you.”


“Fate will unite us.”


“Keep accusing his best friends.”


“Grab something shiny and new.”


“Can't afford to be exposed to the negative consequences of bad design.”


“Don't forget about our pre-nup loser!”


“Dumpy chick.”


“Never confess!”


“She'll believe you!”


“He made me do things.”


“We didn't exist for you!”


“I'll never forgive you for this! Never!”


“I love my wife, yes.”


“One of your loft buddies?”


“Born unhappy.”


“Our secret place.”


“Questionable credit card activity.”


“A lot I could put up with.”


“I don't want you to love me.”


“Every fat chick has a good looking friend.”


“Who I am, what I do.”


“Fu*k pad.”


“We're men, we're all a little like that.”

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Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes & Stuff

'Spider-Man: No Way Home' trailer

The multiverse. Will Spider-Man stop stealing crap? MJ falls off a building.


'Siren' promo

Mmmm.


Milk chocolate owls – okay.

Orange & Almond choc – nice.


I'll review 'Titans' season 3.


I won't be reviewing 'Star Trek Discovery' season 4.


My ex = inexcusable. I have emotional pain. My relationship is completely over. My ex's behaviour is disgraceful. He has no decorum and dignity. Just impropriety.


Ed Wasser had aged so badly. Ha ha ha.


'Who is Donnie Rudd?' Quotes:

“Brought back out of the Earth.”


“Very old evidence.”


“Long harboured suspicions.”


'Channel 4 News' Quotes:

“Not believed or listened to.”


“Look as friendly as possible.”


“Engineered cuteness.”


“Intergrated into city life.”


'Catch And Kill: The Podcast Tapes' Quotes:

“I don't do ambush stories.”


“Build a narrative against me.”


'The Irish Times' Quotes:

“Deriding.”


“Remonstration.”


“Sagacious.”


“Pressure to be likeable.”


“Nobody cared I was there.”


“Coresponding behavioural patterns.”


“Catalogue of madness.”


“Relies on your shame to protect them.”


“Quirky weird one in the corner.”


“Social conventions.”


“That idiot child.”


“Corrupt public morals.”


“Impunity.”


“False inference.”


“Statement of opposition.”


“Frailty intervention.”

“Believed he deserved public gratitude.”


'Inside Beverly Hills' Quotes:

“Edible art.”


“It doesn't look like good wood. It looks like IKEA wood.”


“24 mill. I want proper wood.”


'Dr Phil' Quotes:

“Liar King.”


“Says the Liar King on my XBOX!”


“Threw a brick through the front window and took a knife and stabbed every single cushion on the couch.”


“Old crazy ass.”


“Answering for his affair.”


“Old crazy.”


“Makes herself the victim in every situation.”


“Approved location.”


“Year of hell for the entire family.”


“Really petty.”


“Disgusting things that never happened.”


“You thought it was a reasonable choice?”


“Vulgar, horrible things.”


“Justifying threatening his daughter's career.”


Reason through this.”


“Gang of internet trolls.”


“Say horrible things.”


“Gotten him kicked out of gyms and restarants.”


“Pretty sure the trolls did that.”


“Be dogging on you.”


“Fight people off with big spray.”


“Lives in a bad section of town.”


“That's not an of course.”


“Fight team.”


“Not gonna turn on me.”


“Doesn't deal with internet shennigans.”


“Beef I have on the internet.”


“Internet image.”


“Ruining his own life.”


“Complete nutjobs.”


“Never accomplished anything in their lives.”


“Professional grappling shows.”


“Provked that.”


“That's no longer happening.”


“Everybody wrong but you.”


“Cheating yourself out of what you dream about.”


“I really don't see what I'm delusional about.”


''allo allo'' Quotes:

“Fruitcake ward.”


“Correct secret knock.”


“Secret knocking test.”


“What is this lunatic on about?”


“Spat the soup right back out of the hole.”


“And in of all places, Bognor.”


'A.P. Bio' Quotes:

“Incapable of real vulnerability.”


“Dangerously lonely.”


“Pure joy wrapped in fur.”


Vintage Denny's menu. : r/nostalgiaDenny's Menu | 1960 | Dan Goodsell | Flickr

Sergio Balleseros

Supergirl 6x18+Grimm 3x07&3x08+Pretty Little Liars: The Perfectionists 1x03+UFO 1x19&1x20+ 2 more

Truth Or Consequences

Why isn't Lena talking about her magic with Andrea? People talk about Alex's wedding. Lex's gushing love diary about the lame ass baddie is leaked. Andrea and William get too much screen time. William screams about his name and ethics. Brainy whines. WTF is a dream portal?


Alex is a raving hypocrite. Lena and Andrea recall they are friends. Why are Alex and co dancing to a BREAK UP song at her hen party? Lex kills William, what took him so long?!?! Lex kidnaps the moppet. Before he finally is got rid of William spews author tracts.


Best Lines:

“Quite a lofty title.”


“You called the future?”


“Arm cannon.”


“About having it and knowing no one else does.”


~
Cold Blooded/Twelve Days Of Krampus

Alexis Denisof joins the cast – ick. And just like that any interest in this underlit mess is gone.


~
...If One Of Them Is Dead

Alison is a TA. This exhumes yesterday. Nolan's fake friends are horrible plastic people. Mona whines. Ava attacks another student. FFS. Caitlin is stalked by the creepy FBI agent. Ava bitches. Nolan's mother plots. A diary is read. Dylan is bothered by the creepy FBI agent. There is sap. This was dreadfully boring. Lip liner is worn.


Best Lines:

“Keep stuffing.”


“Some dental emergency in Afghanistan I don't know about?”


“A felon's daughter.”


“What was he doing?”

“Some blonde.”


“Know why I faked my own death?”


~
Ordeal

Boring things happen to Foster. 'Twilight Zone' knockoff music plays. Straker has no pleasure system. Aliens work their will upon the world. We see a sweaty hairy Foster wearing only tiny blue velvet underpants, put it away man! This was horrid!


Court Martial

Foster is to be executed for leaking SHADO secrets. The opening credits change into something that is a 'Man From UNCLE' knockoff. The gammon is back. The creepy doc monotones and why is he prosecuting Foster? Is there no JAG in SHADO? The wall mounted lavalamp on Staker's office wall turns out to be an escape passage. Will this end already?


Best Line:

“Don't fall over yourself with gratitude.”


~
La Brea 1x08


Origins

They get more moronic by the ep. Eve wants to use a lost child to ask the village for survival tips. Why is anyone listening to the deranged cow? There's other villages? Eve and co mess everything up again. The childsnatcher fakes a panic attack. Why is Rebecca running around causing issues? The idiot father's 'visions' are explained. Yawn. Gavin is from 10,000 BC? I'm confused. This is not good.


Best Lines:

“Make sure no one murders us.”


“That horn only sounds in emergencies!”


“Get real bad around here.”


“I secured the threat.”


“That woman is full of lies!”



~
American Horror Story: Red Tide 10x04


Blood Buffet

There are flashbacks to The Chemist's arrival in town. We see how the pills began to spread. The romance novelist had a terrible husband. The vile hubby ends up dead. This is a lot of origin stories. There is a drag queen massacre. This wasn't good. I didn't care about the reveal of the town's dark history or the dark history of the pale folk and bloodsucking ghouls.


Best Lines:

“Social scene, what's left of it.”


“Scram meth-head.”


“Do anything for 20 bucks.”


“Lied about never lying!”


“They don't let me in there anymore.”


“I did write this!”

“You couldn't have. It's good.”


“Vampire Michael Stipe or anorexic Uncle Fester?”


“This looks expensive.”

“It was. In the 80s.”


“I don't even eat those Impossible Burgers!”


“Rage of the untalented.”


“Make more money doing this than painting houses or stealing from my grandma.”


“Meth is well below my paygrade.”

#sophie ellis bextor from zevrans