September 6th, 2021

Sergio Balleseros

Movie Reviews: Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay + He's All That 👎👎

Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay (2008)

This stoner sequel stars Kal Penn of 'Designated Survivor' and John Chou in a series of risible scenes. Smoking weed in an airplane bathroom leads to the bong causing mass panic. The duo get up in Gitmo as Roger Bart and a deranged government agent run around.


Why is there a goat in Gitmo? There is T&A and bad ADR and lots of flashbacks. There is dated tech and a rich jerk and a 'Starship Troopers' mention. There is a lot of drug taking. There are cartoon monsters and a quest and bad VFX and an apperance from a W lookalike. This was unnecessary and horrible nonsense.


I hate this with all my energy. I loathe this. This was not abrupt or dramatic. There are many snarky comments. There is no discernible plot structure or theme here. This was surreal. People behave peculiarly. This was not deftly constructed. This was not multifaceted. This was repulsive with unfunny 'jokes'.


This tries to be jaunty but it is just rambling and frustrating. This was not unforgettable. There is no human anguish. There is no impact. This was horrible. There is no accountability or any possibility. There is disorganisation and this was not a mesmeric meditation. This was not concise.


Best Lines:

“Who you calling Matthew Perry bitch?”


“President Bush and my dad went to the same fraternity.”


“We've only been broken up 2 years.”


“Weed capital of the world.”


“Put the bong away.”


“Zip it Hello Kitty.”


“You want rights?”


“Lied to your ex-girlfriend about how you got crabs.”


“Go on the online.”


“Walking towards the creepy music.”


“Their 'Goonies' child.”


“Bunch of European dudes.”


“My angel.”


“Don't you wipe?”


“Lost love story.”


“I'm going to a whorehouse.”


“If I'd known the monkey had AIDS I never would have done that.”


Reassessing: 'Starship Troopers' (1997), more of a video game hybrid than  great social satire – PopCult: The Obsessive Journal of Quality Pop Culture


~
He's All That (2021)

This remake of 'She's All That' succeeds until it doesn't. In this gender flipped take an influencer makes over an unpopular boy. The influncer is poor and fakes not being poor to make money off her followers. The unpopular guy hates everything popular and wears a bad wig that makes him look like a school shooter in waiting.


The influencer learns her boyfriend is cheating and freaks out. She's shamed online and ditched by sponsors. She ignores how her BFFs are obvious tools. Her ex is celebrated and she is a meme so she sets out to make the unpopular Cameron into the prom king. Cameron is some Jughead looking loser and her ex is some Vanilla Ice wannabe rapper. Her taste is dubious. Her name is Padgett, no really.


Her narrative is unchallenged. She ignores how her BFFs are pernicious. Her intentions and ideas are messed up. They are a hysterically dysfunctional couple. Padgett has delusions and perpetually ungrateful friends. There is staged cordality and this film's serious impediment is a lack of vision and it is boring.


There are concerns but no serious engagement. There is reycled rhetoric and this was inconsistent. There are chronically bad choices and distorted perceptions and bluster. There is laissez-faire thinking in this absurd film. There are consistent issues and this was a multitude of incompetence.


There is a dressup montage. This is dull and fails miserably. She makes Cameron over. This is of no benefit. There is bad acting and a dance routine. Matthew Lillard plays a teacher and Rachael Leigh Cook plays Padgett's mom. Kourtney Karadasian cameos. No, just no.


Best Lines:

“Those shoes cost more than our dishwasher.”


“Snotty, entitled trustfunders.”


“Almond flour.”


“He's being ironic, I think.”


“The valley of the valley.”


“More sweaty dudes kicking each other in the nads.”


“You called her music twee.”


“Tremendously ashamed of you.”


“Bad skin and tragic hair.”


“Photographing garbage.”


“Weird old stuff.”


“The word you're looking for is pony.”


“Context please?”


“You saw Harry Styles?”


“We know you're poor.”


“You don't deserve my love!”

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Trailer, Quotes & Stuff

'Evil' season 2 promo

Mmmmm.


My ex = unspeakably horrible. My ex = inexplicably mean. My ex turned out to be fundamentally an unkind person. I was discarded. I await my ex's acknowledgement of his wrong. My ex was fickle and betrayed me. My ex will never account for his actions.


RIP Sarah Harding.


I'd try lemon posset tart.


'The Sunday Times' Quotes:

“Expecting a long, hard military campaign.”


“Sinister campaign.”


“Hostile states.”


“Much-anticipated.”


“Corrupt, improper.”


“Grim choice.”


“Ritual of farewell.”


“Slow-motion catastrophe.”


“Oldest unbroken royal line in the world,”


“For 125 generations.”


“Era of myth.”


“Appalling prospect.”


“Unspoken suspicion.”


“These things count here.”


“Failing to impress neighbours with his bongo skills, he was dragged naked out of his home.”


“Foundation myth.”


“Come to believe the worst of their own country.”


“Unable to trust even relatives.”


“Won't let us love.”


“Traditionally hostile.”


“Crumb traps.”


“Men were peeing in bushes. Women were getting angry that men were peeing in bushes.”


“Seemed to have a perception of our life but no idea of the reality.”


“Presenters with regional accents.”


“Impact point.”


“An event that came to define an age.”


“Publicly mourned.”


“Alternativlosigkeit.”


“Platitudinous.”


“Putative successors.”


“Sneeringly referred.”


“Unglamorous coiffeur.”


“Fractious alliance.”


“Early fixation.”


“Ideological convictions.”


“Trial by pain.”


“Feared and revered.”


“Bizarre belief systems.”


“His fantasies were many and varied.”


“As inflexible as it was incoherent.”


“Perpetual fear.”


“Emotional attachment.”


“Much-derided.”


“His internal rot.”


“Squalid fall.”


“Diabolical behaviour.”


“Bleak and ninhilistic.”


“Work-averse.”


“Nearly slipped through the net becuase it was not designed to catch her.”


'The Devil's Throat' Quotes:

“Hate is a powerful force.”


“Guess who will be accused of the murder? You!”


“No God can forgive that.”


“I know this keychain.”


“Go away now.”


'BBC News' Quotes:

“Could provoke a very significant backlash.”


“His closest personal servant.”


“Forced to resign, twice.”


“Criticised the running of the royal household.”


'Business Post Magazine' Quotes:

“Media-appointed voice.”


“Financial gulf.”


“Foul-smelling.”


'Business Post Magazine' Quotes:

“Thinking biases.”


“Unwarranted conclusions.”


“Win her the love of others.”


“Demonic residence.”


“Uncomfortable questions arose.”


“An outsider in her own community.”


“Cold superority.”


“The revered ideals of stability and prosperity are unavailable to her.”


“Rage turned septic.”


'Business Post food & Wine' Quote:

“Heritage wheat grains sourced from seed banks.”


'The Irish Times' Quote:

“Safeguard.”


'Dr Phil' Quotes:

“You can't play videogames in a homeless shelter.”


“Live with his choices and consequences.”


“Change the locks, break his plate.”

The Devil's Throat - All 4The Devil's Throat - On Demand - All 4

Sergio Balleseros

Vigil 1x03+Deception 1x07+Dive Club 1x04 Reviewed 🦈⚓🚣‍♀️🧭🔍🧙‍♂️🧙‍♂️

Vigil 1x03

A coordinated attack? An American submarine sank the trawler. Vigil was involved in a drinking, drugs and death incident in the USA. Amy freaks out and recalls losing custody of Poppy, how did she lose custody? There are revelations. This was rubbish. Some annoying bint annoys.


Best Lines:

“Saw himself as a whistleblower.”


“Helps them feel important.”


“This isn't North Korea.”


~
Sacrifice 99 To Fool One

Cameron is abducted. Jonathan is the worst. The idiot mystery woman plot drags and bores. The mystery woman is the most boring plot device ever. She's Victoria from 'Due South' tempting Jonathan. Why don't they shoot the bitch? Jonathan punches Cameron in the face. There is a cliffhanger – this was terrible.


~
SS Gothenburg

This show is catastrophic and the very, very worst. People are nasty and uncaring. There is diving and no rationality or decency. People are highly dubious and outright false. There is unreason and mania and people denigrate the missing Lauren. This show was the worst mistake. How wrong this is. People have ire in this misbegotten, imbecilic mess.


This was a weak farce. People are weary and gruding and graceless. There is serious engagement. Izzie attention seeks. This was of poor quality, very poor. There is little accountability. Issues of concern are shrugged off. There is an inevitable slide into oblivion.


There is shirtlessness and this is worsening. This gets progressively worse. People push a pinao down a street for reasons. There are arguments and a clear reluctance by TPTB to make this better. There is bad singing.


Best Lines:

“Any drama going on?”


“I saw coral! Lots and lots of coral!”


“She's got a lot of explaining to do.”

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