August 4th, 2021

Scary Books

Movie Reviews: Hostage House + Godzilla: King Of The Monsters + Time Bandits + Aftermath (2021)

Hostage House (2021)

A mother and daughter get taken captive by fugitives during an open house. Violence turns the dream of real estate into a nightmare in a 70 acre estate. This was not truly unique or memorable. The fugitives are bitter, spiteful, bad tempered and boiling over with grievances.


This was errneous and dull. There is no covid. There is bad acting and uncontrolled aggression. There are scare chords and nasty people. This was boring, incessant and ridiculous.


This was irrational and there is no considerable tension. There are contrary intentions and this was silly. This locks in the inevitable ending. There is no rationale and this was not successful. This was not action packed or colourful. This does not radiate wit and charm.


The fugitives are a couple with a deceptive air. There is misbehaviour. There is a long wait for accountability. There is no positive behaviour. This is of no great relevance. There are indignant fugitives. This was deeply dispiriting. There are social pessimists. This was dubious and faintly absurd. There is no moral compass. This was not heartfelt. There is no hand wringing. There is no response commensurate with the scale of the problem.


This was risible with a twist. This was not messy or complicated. Emotions go unresolved. There is nonchalance.


Best Lines:

“Smell that?”

“Pine trees?”

“Multiple offers.”


“A huge get for me.”


“Higher end sales market.”


“What fills a house that makes it a home.”


~
Godzilla: King Of The Monsters (2019)

Gozilla takes on Mothra, Rodan and King Ghidorahin in this incoherent sequel. Where's Godzilla been for 5 years? This stars Vera Farmiga. WTF are all these people doing in China? Why is the US military flying all over the world chasing Titans? Are there no borders? Are there no other militaries? There is a Kong mention and Charles Dance and Kyle Chandler and Viola Davis.


There is a mcguffin and exposition about 17 titans and a mention of Skull Island. Chandler does pitiful wails. VFX pixels blow up. There is a betrayal in this joyless film. Fate forbid they make more of these films. A volcano bat thing flies aorund.


People endure more horrible things. How are the baddies flying around with no one stopping them? Chandler's daughter does bad things with her mad mommy and then changes her mind. There is a callback to a 'Skull Island' character. The 3 headed dragon thing is an alien aka an invasive species. The US saves the day.


There is an infinite choice of monsters, a hollow Earth, uncompromising words, death, shady strategies and a fat Godzilla. I've no idea what is going on. A butterfly thing flaps around. I've no idea why any of this is happening. What happened to the butterfly thing? Vera has terrifying certainty. This was there.


Best Lines:

“Return of an ancient and forgotten super species.”


“Atomic testing awoke Godzilla.”


“Reclaim a world that was once theirs.”


“Something else is gonna crawl out.”


“Magic kingdom of horrors.”


“Monster zero.”


“Hauling ass up Argentina.”


“You're murdering the world.”


“A forgotten order.”


“The 1st gods.”


“Oxygen destoyer.”


“You're 2nd generation monarch?”

“3rd.”


“Disasters we don't even have names for.”


“Slaying dragons is a western concept.”


“We opened pandora's box and there's no closing it now.”


“This isn't the world we want.”


“Grim search.”


“He's on our side.”

“For now.”


“Geat dragon who fell from the stars.”


~
Time Bandits (1981)

Sean Connery, Katherine Helmond, David Warner and Ian Holm feature in this incoherent tale of a young boy kidnapped by dwarfs for adventures in space and time. The incoherence causes indifference. This was of no consequence. There are hate filled taunts, fluff and drivel. This was terrible in every way. This was really awful and one feels derison for this frivolous mess.


~
Aftermath (2021)

Shawn Ashmore stars in this Blumhouse knockoff. Which Ashmore twin is he? This is allegedly a true story of how a crime scene cleaner and his wife had issues due to an affair. So they move to a house where a murder/suicide happened. This was the husband's idea. The house has remote locks and an attritional conflict builds. This was not glorious. Just ridiculous and overblown.


This was the worst, it was obsolete and excitment is in short supply. They have reasons they beleive to be valid to stay in the creepy house. This was dispiriting. A skanky homewrecking slut lurks. This was frivolous, strange and absurd. There are large and negative consequences to staying in the evil house.


This was dreadful. Someone perpetrates great cruelties on them. Terror is spread. There is a twist that defies all logic. This was appalling, fallacious and sclerotic.


Best Lines:

“I'm not even mad anymore.”


“Found their brother hanging in the closet.”


“The advice that we've been paying for.”


“Are you sure this is a good decision?”


“Hiding in the closet instead of using the front door.”

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Trailers, Quotes & Stuff

'The Last Letter From Your Lover' tv spot

No, sentimental nonsense.


'Aftermath' promo

Mmmmm.


'American Horror Story: Double Feature' trailer

WTF?


'Venom: Let There Be Carnage' trailer

No.


Drumstick squashies – mmmm.


RIP Sky One. 40 years old.


Who recalls 'Living With Fran'?


I believed in the sincerity of my ex's promises. I deeply resent my ex. I feel alone and unwanted. My ex left me to love another. My ex has an absolute lack of concern. My ex left with calculated ease and no profound regret.


'Dr Phil' Quotes:

“Weirdness everywhere I go.”


“Bringing weird with you.”


“Stranger on the street to me.”


“The victim hat on.”


“Object of attack.”


'Hollyoaks' Quotes:

“You had to go and kill her didn't you?”


“Such a blessing you are!”


“Send you back to your god!”


'Channel 4 News' Quotes:

“The ordeal they went through.”


“Alarming for multiple reasons.”


“Got bored with what was going on.”


“Curt response.”


“Took a flight that would change their lives.”


“Under captivity.”


“Darkest moment.”


“Obviously showed shock on my face.”


“Did not believe the offical account.”


“Circumstances surrounding the flight.”


“Classified to this day.”


'The Irish Times' Quotes:

“Free overspill signals.”


“Watched by almost nobody.”


“Pay-TV market-conquering.”


“Media merger.”


“Too learned.”


“Damning report.”


“Prevent the English word taking root.”


“Eroding the grammatical structure.”


“These people are dnagerous.”


“Shock findings.”


“Hate incidents.”


“Not available for alternative uses.”


“Required for that purpose.”


"Video player ownership took off.”


“It was weird and it was great.”


“A portal back in the 1970s,”


“Cult curiosities-”


“The worst woman in London.”


“Excessive scrupulosity.”


“Theologically impoverished.”


“Pray, pay, and obey.”


“Numerous local rumours about his behaviour – none of which he denies.”


“Reputation is paramount.”


“Onslaught of stigma.”


“Fear of reprisal.”


“Doesn't seem to want me here.”


“Exact revenge on the enemies who have betrayed her trust.”


“The man they thought they knew and loved.”


“The French way of making movies.”


“Unclassifiable oddness.”


“Motivated by trauma.”


“Veneer of trauma.”


“Veneer of civility.”


“Seething resentments.”


“Controlled by fear.”


“Assertive confidence.”


“Entrusted with his security.”


“Genre diversity.”


“Ideological disaster.”


“Disaster pragmatism.”


“Sow mistrust.”


“Armed with knives, firearms, petrol and, in one case, a chainsaw.”


'The Ballad Of Songbirds And Snakes' Quotes:

“So outdated as to be laughable now,”


“Blight of all kindly feeling.”


“Coriolanus released the fistful of cabbage into the pot of boiling water and swore that one day it would never pass his lips again. But this was not that day.”


“Poor as district scum.”


“A vulnerabity that invited abuse.”


“Innumerable volumes of books had been sacrificed to the fireplace.”


“Acceptable option? None of the above.”


“Had his grandmother finally made good her threat of leanring to cook?”


“Filling the kitchen with the smell of poverty.”


“Morose tales.”


“Limitless options.”


“District retaliation.”


“Took it as decency.”


“Chipping away at the old order simply by virtue of their presence.”


“Still emitted unlivable levels of radiation.”


“Cloddish accents.”


“The joke district.”


“War reparation.”


“Terrible words.”


“Ghastly is what happens without them.”


“Seemed to invite derision.”


“Make the unwilling comply.”


“Terrible memory.”


“Experimental Weapons Division.”


“No one, no one would stop to help.”


“Genetic ark.”


“The first thing Coriolanus did was run and make sure the door was locked to protect their newfound riches.”


“You're all monsters here!”


“Determine their threat level.”


“Pining for the past.”


“Lima beans still taste like the war to me.”


'It Takes A Killer' Quote:

“Take control in a catastrophic way.”


'Dollface' Quotes:

“Judging and drama.”


“Are you naked on purpose?”


'BBC News' Quotes:

“Bane of banks and their customers.”


“Where can the displaced go?”


'American Housewife' Quotes:

“Who doesn't wear underwear with leggings?”


“Yummy bites.”


“You guys mock me. About everything.”


“It's a WASP thing.”

“Please punish us.”


“Research military schools.”

“And not one of the good ones. The ones that closed down after '60 Minutes' does an expose on them.”


“Outcasts together.”


“BA from online experimental college.”


“You've surpassed the dead plant in the kitchen window as the least helpful thing in the house.”

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VOY 3x06 + Outer Banks 2x10 + Supergirl 6x06 Reviewed 👎👎👎🍕🧄

Remember

Torres is given the memories of an old alien woman who took part in a genocide of a people on her world who were dismissed as dirty and irrelevant. The space nazis smug. This was undone by bad acting.


Best Line:

We've been tolerant for a very long time.”


~
The Costal Venture

I'm done with this show. I care not for John B, Pope, JJ or Kiara. Sarah's trash. What spray tan did they use on the actors? They look like they're in end stage liver failure. Ward has sub psychotic rage. Ward and his greasy, inexplicably irritable, psycho son are on a cargo ship. John B and co are trapped in a death cage. I care not how they all this happened.


Ward runs with some pretty bad folk. There is such a heavy gang presence around Ward. Sarah's sister and Ward's bimbo are there too. As is a great big gold cross. The son also has sub psychotic rage. Christopher Pike is ripped off. There is a continued pursuit for relevance. This was not ebyond amazing.


Why is Sarah so stupid? The cross is worth half a billion dollars. Rose is Ward's idiot wife/bimbo. Ward has his own private island. There are no societal expectations. JJ plans to take over the ship's bridge with guns. This was lazy and incompetent. Sarah acts disappointingly. People are judged for their choices, actions and beliefs. There is no shame, guilt or culpability. Sarah is detrimental. JJ is hysterical.


Consideration is a word whose meaning is lost on John B. This was not very pleasant. This was dreary. There are disastrous consequences. Ward has the gold and the cross. The kids have nothing. Sarah is only 16. Why is Ward feuding with teenagers?


Psycho bro attacks John B with a hook. Pope gets in a crane. Why is Ward feuding with children?!? Pope uses the crane on the cross. John B tries to kill Ward and fails like he does at life. The cross falls in the ocean and then is saved. How much must it weigh? Sarah ditched her sister and family for John B. This was a complete and utter travesty.


John B and co have ditched their families, who think they are dead. They have no gold, no cross and only the clothes they are standing up in. WTF? John B and co don't care about the families. There are no interesting decisions. There is gunfire and little if any relevance and complex and volatile situations. Ward still has the gold and cross. John B's dad is alive. This was not enduring.


Season 3 is set up. This was frustrating. John B gains new adversaries every say. There is no heavy subject matter. Destiny is pulling them elsewhere. There is no renewed enjoyment. Season 2 was dreck. This was not powerul or affecting. This was insipid. There was no insight or pathos. This was seedy. John B and co end up on an unknown island. This was not a pulpy romp. There is no chaotic realism. This season was unwatchable.


Best Lines:

“Angry right now rightfully so.”


“Make good on that promise.”


“Get away with everything again.”


“To take the bridge.”


“100% probability you're going to do something stupid.”


“Calling me B team?”


“Best its gonna get.”


“All the evil men do.”


“Smoking a jay.”


“We got everything.”


“Nothing else to lose.”


~
Prom Again!

I'd very low expectations of what this season would be like. There is not a single thing about this show that I don't hate. Alex apologises for being such a bitch. Cat Grant is the worst. Nia and Brainy have screwed up the timeline. Kara is an idiot.


Best Lines:

“Fighty thing.”


“No undoing this one.”


“I don't know exactly what a balloon boy is.”


“Oh yes it's terrible.”


#burning love from WOW!#burning love from WOW!#burning love from WOW!

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