November 9th, 2020


Book Review: The Best Horror Of The Year, Volume Twelve, part 1

The Best Horror Of The Year, Volume Twelve edited by Ellen Datlow, part 1

Ice Cold Lemonade 25c Haunted House Tour: 1 Per Person

This is by Paul Temblay and tells of how a writer recalls how as a geeky kid in 1984 he visited a haunted house. He made a calamitous choice. This was goodish with themes of myth and memory.

Best Lines:

“Lower than the Hughes loser,”

“More confounding that dread inducing,”

“Cruel was my default assumption settings.”

“The kind of irrational anger that leads erstwhile good people to make terrible petty decisions.”

“Rest of my tomorrows.”

“Outcast adult.”

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Scary Books

Movie Reviews: Exorcist: The Beginning +The Black Hole +Climax +Kindred Spirits + Woman Of The House

Exorcist: The Beginning (2004)

There are 2 versions of this film. This is the reshot/remade Renny Harlin redo. Stellan Skarsgard and Izabella Scorupco, James D'Arcy and Ben Cross star in this dreadful film. Merrin (Skarsgard) is hired to steal something. There is talk of a Byzantine massacre. It is 1949. A Byzantine church is found in Kenya. It was built in 500AD, long before Christianity reached that area. Pazuzu lurks. There is a Justinian mention. Hyenas lurk. There is bad, bad acting and no narrative impact. There is racism.

Best Lines:

“Rare object inside.”

“Best view of god is from hell.”

“God is not here today.”

“This is the spot where Lucifer fell.”

“All mention of it was to be stricken from the history texts forever.”

The Black Hole (2006)

Kristy Swanson and Judd Nelson and David Selby have been reduced to this incompetent, disastrous, flat, ineffectual amaturism. There is bad acting in this bad film which is full of panto overreaction.

Climax (2018)

There is personal delusion in this French dance horror. This was not mordant and this was not chillingly nasty. No.

Kindred Spirits (2019)

There are implications and a bony slut and her shirtless boyfriend. The bony slut has a slutty mother. This was ludicrously irrelevant. This was incredibly stupid and there are logical incongruities. This was appalling atrociousness and it was astonishingly awful. The slut daughter has an appetite for conflict and she's always irrationally furious.

This was giddily plotless and the daughter provokes confrontation. A crazy aunt visits and intimidates and inflicts harm. The 'cool' aunt won't leave. The slut daughter dresses like a dead tramp. There are grim times and a grim era and little credibility. There are pathetic blatherings.

The slut mother lives in a mcmansion which is her family home. This was not a terrifying experience. This was horrendous and the daughter is a brat who can't act. There is murder via dollhouse. The family bears an unequal share of the world's problems. This was not nuanced. This was drab, absurd and utterly disappointing.

Best Lines:

“You are my workout routine.”

“I really will hurt you.”

“You can't wait till after dinner to remind me I was a mistake?”

Woman Of The House (2017)

A sorority sister goes back to her sorority because adulting is hard. She has snotty teenagers and rape faced men. Glory falls away, one feels baffled sorrow for this dumbness.

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Trailers, Quotes & Stuff

'The Exorcist III' promo

“God is not here with us now.”

'Star Trek Discovery' 3x05 promo

The UFP is found, with new uniforms.

'The Spanish Princess' 2x06 promo

The Cloth Of Gold and Mary Tudor has gone from baby to tween.

Made Nigella's small pasta – bland.

Roquefort – yum.

Elderflower drink – mmmmm.

Poor Danish mink.

On 'Arrow', in the finale's new timeline Tommy outlived Oliver and Laurel, who got him killed in the old timeline.

My ex has absolutely no regrets. My ex did sentimental gestures, until he didn't. What should he have done? Not that, for starters. He's societally troubling. My ex is devoid of compassion and empathy. He remains unrepentant. My ex has peculiar indifference. My ex has a complete lack of care. My ex wasn't emotionally committed. My ex showed me no regard. I feel bitter disappointment. Of course my relationship was never meant to last, I've vanished utterly from my desperately cruel ex's mind. My ex did awful cruelty. Did I ever really know him at all?

A woman recorded 70,000 worth of video cassettes?!?

I want a Dior Joailieve rose des vents and rose veleste bracklet. I want an Annoushka spinning moon charm. I want a Van Cleef & Arpels Lady Arepls planetarium watch. I want a Dior Joaillerie diamond, darkened silver, white-gold and a pink-gold Dior a Versailles brooch. I want a Chaumet perspectives de Chaumet rubellite, green and pink indicolite tourmaline, jade, diamond, onyx and white-gold labyrinthe brooch. I want a leather pencil skirt, a feather trimmed lounge set and a limited edition 18 karat white gold and dimaond watch. I want metal and strass earrings and a Simone rocha embroidered bag and 14 karat gold and moissanite ring.

Now I know what honey wagons are.

What is sugar-cane juice? What are wild garlic capers? What is black stone flower? What's yoghurt ice?

I'd try wasbai cream cheese.

I won't read 'Mistletoe'.

Watched ep 1 of 'The Life and Trials Of Oscar Pistorius' – how is he the victim?

Best Lines:

“Blade gunner?”

“Shot dead? Shot injured?”

“Went global within minutes.”

“Military state.”

“Shunned by the outside world.”

'The Irish Times' Quotes:

“Immense achievements are in question.”

“What resentments do you hold that could be preyed upon?”

“Incredibly susceptible.”

“It never, ever, ever, ends up anywhere good.”

“Demographic desertification.”

“Lost privileges to use social media,”


“Ideological blackmail too.”

“A report he had risked his life for was buried on the bottom of the inside page.”

“Easing of demand.”

“Always culminates in a chat show.”

“Historical mythology.”

“Fascist traits.”

“Spice ports.”

“Close off one path completely.”

“Young-man-reads-big-books phase.”

“How she expressed her affection for him, at a time when he really didn't want to receive it.”

“Nuanced form of outrage.”

“That culminated in Cesc Fabregas flinging a pizza slice, which hit Ferguson on the head.”

“Not so much an ideology as a woolly, intoxicating, nostalgic fable of wrongs to be righted, winners and losers, grievances and resentments.”

“Nations succumbing to myths of their own exceptionalism.”

“Bitter exchanges on whatsapp groups, and allegations of toxic rows,”

“ICU delirium.”

'Death Row Stories' Quote:

“Reaching the conclusions he thinks they expect him to reach.”

'Sex, Lies & Murder' Quotes:

“Wasn't a very likeable or liked person.”

“Not a nice person.”

“Monster of a man.”

“Stabbed him. 13 times.”

'Dateline' Quotes:

“Tears. Lots of them.”

“Beyond all hope now.”

“Never be home again.”

'FTWeekend' Quotes:

“Lurch away from cash,”

“Supermarkets have christmas brochures displaying feasts of a size likely to be outlawed,”

“Emotional challenges.”

“Sense of their place in history.”

“Culture of unquestioned reverence.”

“Behind all the evil things going on,”


“Once you have fear, you can't defend yourself; once you're scared, you can't even think of how to escape.”

“All the rest were in a kind of private conversation that didn't include me. That not including me was actually the point of the conversation.”

“Bond over a shared sense of grievance and then they stoke their resentments.”

“Excesses of its self-proclaimed defenders.”

“Is is hard to trust anyone to whom you have done and are doing grevious harm.”

“Grim international reputation.”

“Could not escape her dynastic destiny.”

“Wrongly assumed was harmless.”

“Fondness for tiny shorts-”

“Looping old movies on a network bought for the purpose,”

“Keeping track of information relayed to the public by a media she mistrusted, wary of what might go missing for the record.”


“Mull the ironies.”


'HowToSpendIt' Quotes:

“The last world in rural chic circa Henry vII.”

“One-of-a-kind statement pieces to build a room aorund,”

'Teen Titans Go!' Quotes:

“The laser swords and the magical space wizards.”

“Slow paced thought provoking journey.”

“Respect the onesie!”

“Wear the unflattering nylon pyjammas.”

“Dramatically look out into the cosmos.”

“Jug of the hobo.”

“Stuff called cash.”

“Unmotivated hostility.”

'The Simpsons' Quotes:

“Catch me if you can little bow wow!”

“No street curs!”

“Most vicious street curs!”

'Royal History's Greatest Fibs' Quotes:

“Unchanging and fixed.”

“Lasted for 900 years.”

“Triumphantly created.”

“The cause of all the trouble.”

“France was a feudal state.”

“Competing versions of events.”

“Tinder box of dissatisfaction.”

“That judgment has stuck.”

“Cake fib.”

“Sincere feeling.”

“An opera house now stands there.”

“Everything went wrong.”

“Fanatical monster.”

“Reputation that he deserves.”

'The Sunday Times' Quotes:

“Societal allegories, very long journeys – are new to them,”

“Global dress.”

“Various hostile barren lands.”

“Satisfying glory.”

“Grim ring of truth.”

“Cheat shots.”

“Biohazard flogging.”

“Hostile medical repatriation.”


“Nightclubs, like many other aspects of the life we took for granted eight months ago, were suddenly the stuff of historical fiction.”

“Will anyone want to read fiction any more,”

“Paranoia and misery of life.”

“Deeply sad spectacles-”

“Gleefully morbid.”

“Tedious fixture.”

“Prevailing obsession.”

“Those words define Grey's reputation.”

“Failed to prevent the greatest cataclysm in European history.”

“Urban families.”

“Historical reputations sank with it.”

“They are all horrid.”

“Life had turned against him.”

“His critics have blamed him ever since.”

“Changes he was unwilling to make.”

“Critics were vocal in their disappointment.”

“Omens for the future are poor.”

“Brings doom to its viewers.”

“Widely loathed.”

“Feel like I didn't have a purpose.”

“Do not breach the trust that has been handed to you.”

“Knit jumpers for newborn lambs.”

“Risk of extreme violence is always present.”

“Found such limited happiness.”

“Outragously, gluggable wine,”

“HBO level good.”

“Accessible-luxury category.”

“Genetic exclusion.”

“Ethical evolution.”

“Disruptive water feature.”

“Social disapproval.”

“Warned people – menacingly.”

“History will not be kind to this man.”

“Living alternative lifestyles.”

“All those old men who advertise gardening trousers at the back of The Daily Telegraph.”

'Irish Tatler' Quotes:

“I've been obsessed with Scandinavian table lamps.”

“Acceptable level of disorder.”

'The Death Of Stalin' Quotes:

“Nobody's going to get killed.”

“Puddle of indignity.”

“Ditch full of vodka.”

“Run and plot at the same time.”

“His death or his revenge.”

'The Sunday Business Post' Quotes:

“We move easily, semalessly, from worship to indifference-”


“A moral decision that will save or destroy the lead character's soul.”

“He's not a person, he's a Daily Mail reader!”

“Simultaneously the ebst and worst actor of his generation.”

“Filled with awful people being terrible to each other.”

“Haplass hicks get mistaken for psychotic killers.”

“Threatening legal forms.”

'The Disappearance Of Maura Murray' Quotes:

“Absolute truths to some people.”

“Something ominious happened here.”

“Stealing pizza.”

“Some creepy people in that area.”

“Cagey old man everyone warned me about.”

“Better intentions.”

“Online sociopaths.”

“Stole from Fort Knox.”

“Refused his help.”

'Dr Phil' Quotes:


“Your house has no joy.”


Star Trek Discovery 3x04 + Control Z 1x08 + American Horror Story 1984 9x01&9x02 Reviewed

Forget Me Not

The crew take Adira to Trill. Why is the doctor who can't act dressed in white? We see a scan of the Trill symbiont inside Adria. The Trill do not mention Riker acting as a temp host for the Trill Odan. People wonder about the integrity of others decision making. The spore drive is valuable. The Trill homeworld is visited. This was not a timeless narrative.

The Trill won't accord Adira any particular favour. The Burn decimated Trill's population. Is Dax still alive? The doctor counsels against despair. Tilly babbles about dark matter. There is an emotional burden. The Burn has caused endless trouble for generations afterward. There is mounting disquiet. Adira is halfwit. Michael's year with Book is not without consequence. Where is the other Starfleet officer?!?

Discovery's moments of triumph have more impact (or are meant to) because they are hard won. Adira is seen in a negative light by the Trill. Adria has to explain her very existence. This was manifestly inept. Trill left the UFP too? Was Discovery missed or mourned? Trill has flying goldfish. People react badly to Adira. There are no circumstances in which a non-Trill can be allowed to happen. There is no mention of Riker. Trill has run out of hosts.

Trill society is on the brink of collapse. Are the Borg out there too? The captain's ready room has been fixed. The ship acts up. We see the Trill symbiont pools and caves. Saru hosts a party which goes badly. The Emperor gets away with her mirror universe genocide. The Emperor is a mood killer. Saru makes a speech. Where is Ash? Why are the Trill wearing bathrobes? Why did Adira's eyes go funny? Detmer freaks out. Trills wave sticks.

Adira had a boyfriend. They were on a generation ship trying to find Federation HQ. A cello was and is played. What hit Adira's ship? What happened to everyone else on it? Adira has visions of the symbiont's previous hosts: two of whom are in Starfleet uniforms. Adira is the 7th host. Pike is mentioned. Chaplin is watched. Where did the new cello come from? How is she not rejecting the symbiont? Riker did and nearly died. What is Adira hiding? Why is Discovery flying around with her shuttle bay doors open?

Best Lines:

“As limited as every other ship.”

“Just how little we have to hold onto.”

“Lost, disconnected.”

“5 words keep everyone going.”

“When we find the Federation.”

“Every Trill longs to be a host.”

“My squid's previous hosts.”

“Trill are as peaceful as they were?”

“Nothing to indicate hostile intent.”

“Many years since we've seen a Federation starship.”

“Carry our history.”

“Isn't science cool?”

“Dying. Time travel. A year alone in a new future.”

“Responsibility order.”

“Future of every living thing in the galaxy.”

“Woke up with not past.”


“Force seperation.”

“Flew us into the future.”

“The symbiont is not hers!”

“Limited dairy.”

“Ancestral home.”

“Feels safe.”

“Say something inspirational.”

“I never said aye.”

“Can't thrive in an unwilling host.”

“Now in communion.”

“Drying, gathering our seasonal crops.”

“Who raised you people?”

“A joke for the dinner table.”

“Betrayed your oath.”

“Lives on within Discovery.”

“Failed to let you know that.”

“We are living with it together.”

“Guide her out.”

“Just more me.”

“Based on trust.”

“Imaginery chess.”

“Evacuation shuttle.”

“Welcome to the circle.”

“Speak your names.”

“Impact generations of Trill to come.”

“The Symbionts are a gift for everyone.”

“When the Federation returns.”

“Like a tuesday at my house growing up.”

Public Enemy

Why did Sofia's dad fake his death? Raul and Sofia are disgusting. Javier is thrown under the bus. There is an avalance of dismay. Javier is sick of Sofia and her crap. She refuses to conform. She's not invariably right. There is no dedication, determination or intelligence. The principle is being blackmailed by Raul – oh FFS. Someone slap Raul.

What is nona? This is not a nunaced vision. It is full of cliches. There is a profound mistrust of society. Sofia's life is harrowing and exhausting. Who does a pregnancy test in a school bathroom? Dull. Javier has pleading looks. Raul is ebullient in his crapulence. Javier is blamed for it. The bully discusses his porn preferences with the mother of the boy he put in a coma.

Raul refuses to sell his family home – how is it up to him? Raul narcs on his thief dad. This isn't that effective. The thief turned drug dealing ho has issues. This was dispiriting. There is no moral responsbility. Raul is nauesating. Who carries a used pregnancy test in their purse? The babydaddy drops his babymama.

These people are repellent. Sofia has fragility, hurt, sadness, despair and emotional and physchological and physical scars. The hacking spawns unhappy, angry, recriminatory people. This was not eloquent. There is no happiness and creativity. This was intolerable. There is hot air and indignation. Coma boy dies and Raul is accursed.

Raul is obscence and unforgiveable. Sofia did disloyal utterances. There are vulgar diatribes. How did Raul ever think what he did would merit approval? There is a mass brawl. Raul is pugnacious. Raul boats. Things are increasingly acrimonious. Raul fist fights Javier. He's egregious. Raul thought he was unassailable, unimpeachable and untouchable. The bully dramatically smashes a window.

There is perceived responsbility. This was not playful or light hearted. Raul has open defiance. Things get disproportionate. There is bum clenching awkwardness and mirthful glee. There is absolute chaos and absolute conviction.

Sofia is exposed. There is puking and a gun and dismay. There is no basic decency or civility. This was all failure or decline. Raul enjoys himself. Raul upended the social order. Raul is divisive. There is relative disillusionment. Javier gets shot. Raul is a karma houdini. There are cultural faultlines and this was totally unnecessary. There is no sincerity or good intentions. Will there be a season 2?

Best Lines:

“Easy things aren't worth it.”

“Make another poor decision.”

“A lot of people you hurt.”

“Really common for people to use their pet's name as a password.”

“Isn't so clever like everyone thought she was.”

“That guy's evil.”

Camp Redwood

Emma Roberts, Billie Lourd, Leslie Grossman, Matthew Morrison and terrible opening credits feature in this slasher tale. It's the 1980s and the fashion and hair is scary. There is a tasteless appearance by the Night Stalker. The camp has an ugly history involving a killer named Mr Jingles. There is an aerobics perv. This was good.

Best Lines:

“Medical field?!? You're an orderly!”

“Kicked him out of the Olympics.”

“Lake is allegedly bottomless.”

“Decadence of our era...Van Halen!”

“Worst summer camp massacre of all time!”

“Why are you sleeping with a knife?”

Mr Jingles

Orla Brady shows up. There is a traumatic backstory. A man is being blackmailed. There is death. There are unexpected events. There are supernatural events. This wasn't good.

American Horror Story: 1984 | A New Stab at 80's Slashers - HeadStuff

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