June 3rd, 2020

Scary Books

Book Review: The Southern Book Club's Guide To Slaying Vampires 🧛‍♂️🧛‍♂️🧛‍♂️🧛‍♂️🧛‍♂️🧛‍♂️🧛‍♂️

The Southern Book Club's Guide To Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix

In the 1990s Charleston, a group of housewives have a bookclub where they discuss lurid true crime novels. Then a vampire comes to town. He's obviously evil, people ignore it. The housewives have to take him on as their useless, lazy, cheating, lying, racist, sexist husbands could care less. There are bitter disputes, gore, hate, discontent and a howl of rage. Sadly despite promise, this was not fiercely imaginative or good nor was it a fantastic contribution to the genre. This disappointed.

Best Lines:

“Carter wore his Serious Man Face.”

“Eternally in the darkness.”

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The Flash 6x18 + The Cult Of The Family 1x03 + Supergirl 5x18 Reviewed 👎🤮🤢🤮🤢👎😠

Pay The Piper

Barry mumbles and tantrums. Joe bores, I wish he'd go away. The gang have finally figured out the mirrorverse deal. Godspeed shows up, wasn't he from the future? Will Ralph the dudebro piss off? Pied Piper is needed to help the gang but he hates Barry. Drama queen. Killer Frost is injured. She pants over Ralph. Oh FFS! The writers want us to know what a Nice Guy Ralph is and how Pied Piper is just a drama queen who needs a good beating.

Barry tantrums and never does any work. Various people do boring motivational speeches that bore. 'Crisis' has had no more seismic change than the limp rag that was Flashpoint. Cisco whines. Dude leave the show already, nobody would miss you. This was ghastly. Someone kill Pied Piper! He's a selfish evil meance who needs shooting. Godspeed shouts like a Power Rangers baddie. The mirrorverse baddie and plotline bore.

There is a smashy smash finale and this was unforgivably bad. This show has became catastrophic and Barry is all severity of moods. This ep was tonally jarring and Pied Piper is not impressively repulsive and Barry is all unintentional creepiness. So much for moral destiny.

Best Line:

“Good for you. You did something.”

In Search Of Justice

The cult was a formative and all encompassing experience. There is talk of adoption fraud and no vague sense of normality. Anne was awful and adversarial. There was no credible legal action just nefarious incidents, bitter whsipers and hissed accusations.

There was no harmonious domestic life. Anne arranged an icepick lobotomy for a cult member. Why was there such zealous collective belief and personality dynamics and lack of rationality concerning Anne? This ep was not revelatory. There were unpalatable decisions and this was a wannbe searing depiction. There were major implications and Anne was the mastermind behind all of this.

There was no utopian pursuits just evil crazies scheming behind the scenes. Why did people not dare contrdict Anne? Legal charges were undoable for reasons. This was not eerily brilliant and a former FBI agent speaks.

When arrested, Anne was balding and looked like a melted Donatella Versace and had teeth that made her look like she could eat apples through a tree. Cats are seen in vintage footage and Anne and her useless husband got bail after being returned to Australia. One nutjob supporter still supported her and one 'child' now grown invited Anne and her useless husband to her wedding! FFS!

There were sullied reputations and this was not substantive. Indisputable facts were ignored as were the serious implications. Anne got a new wig and lawyers and had escalating responses and intentional actions. This ep drives you to distraction. A judge called a charge trivial and Anne amugged. The verdict came in 1994 and the cult still supported her. Morons. There was no jail just fines and the judge was paltry. There was 90s hair.

There were cats and pretty scenery and adults knew what was going on and did nothing. People wonder how the cultists fell for it. A man abandoned his son to the cult. There is talk of failure, adoption and trust. We see footage of a newborn ward where babies slept in shopping baskets. Anne's burk husband died.

There was no headstone for Anne's hubby. Someone promised money for loyalty to the cult didn't get it and that made him turn on the cult. Scumbag. Anne's hubby disregarded his 4 children aka his real family from his 1st wife. One sect 'child' became a doctor. We see footage of Anne on a tv show yelling about lies.

Anne and his followers berated their victims. Anne got dementia and died in an age care facility and her followers sold off her real estate empire. The vile greedy scumbag smirked about the abused not getting any money. The sect members fight over her money. A jug earred cop thinks little of Anne. The 'kids' are now parents themselves.

The scumbag changes his name and seeks out his birth mother's family and he looks and dresses like a drug dealer. Anne lied and denied before dying at 98 in 2019. No headstone for her either.

Best Lines:

“Practicing certificate.”

“Owned by religious movements.”

“Something bad had happened to us.”

“Saying nasty things at us.”

“Never ever give evidence against us.”

“Made a fundamental mistake.”

“We've got the bitch.”

“Deeply ashamed of my grandmother.”

“Powers from the devil.”

“On and on it goes.”


“Sect case.”

“No justice.”

“She needed things to love. Little things.”

“Powerful people really didn't want this known about.”

“Terrified of Anne's retribution.”

“How much sorrow could I have stopped?”

“Never saw any sign of what was to come.”

“Demonstrated such monstrous behaviour.”

“My father saw through it relatively early.”

“I'd like to think I'm over it now.”

“Lunatic cult.”

“Hurt by some bad people.”

“Chose to abandon their family.”

“Hit you across the room...deny you food for days.”

“Rev up signals.”

“Talking about experiences doesn't heal anything.”

“Lack of love's still there.”

“Trained to spend every moment serving others.”

“Paid for it!”

“Level of honesty that she wants.”

“I would not make them again.”

The Missing Link

Fat Sean Astin guest stars. Brainy screams and there is no emotive atmosphere. Kara and her annoying platitudes is irksome. Kara badmouths Lena. Shut up bitch. Kara does abandonment of her friends: James and Lena. Kara needs a smack in the mouth. This was not incredibly satisfying. Kara and Nia have Luthor Derangement Syndrome. William bores. Andrea yaps.

Kara is bigged up. She ruined this show when she brought in her seksbuddy Mon-El. This show is worsening. Nia bitches. There is no social responsibility and Alex is useless. Kara has no sense of decency. She's fiercely opposed to Lena. Kara is morally indefensible. TPTB have conditioned us to expect somewhat low standards. Kara's not contrite for her crap.

Kara misinterprets everything and brushes off troubling altercations and is a malcontent. This was a spectacular failure. Kara treats Lena with derison. Kara's a bimbo. Nia stole her sister's birthright. Kara tantrums and a boring untalented guest star blows up the DEO. There is bad acting. Can Kara just not act like a massive c word.

Best Lines:

“How grateful?”

“Consider finding the door.”

“Freeing us from rage.”

“Do not waste my time with this again.”

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Sergio Balleseros

Trailers, Quotes & Stuff

'Stargate' promo

The original.

'Spides' promo

Drugs are bad, m'kay?

'Stargirl' 1x04 promo


'Reef Break' trailer

A summer show sees a criminal go straight. Because that is so original. Maybe.

'The Vast Of Night' trailer

Radio, New Mexico, scifi, aliens and yes.

Best Lines:

“Tell me about science.”

“They've come here before.”

“Thousands of feet higher than anything could fly.”

“Something talking.”

“Something in the sky.”

Smirnoff Cranberry – no.

Garlic oil – so garlicky and yum.

Sparkling Italian apple presse with spring water – refreshing.

Nad a McD's – nectar of the gods.

Almond & Orange dark chocolate – nice.

Gluten free cashew, dark chocolate & cherry nut bar – mmm.

Stuffed cherry peppers with ricotta – bland.

LJ acting up again. FFS.

I always knew that Rachel from 'Glee' was trash.

'Channel 4 News' Quote:

“Level of disorder.”

'Tvnow' Quote:

“Confronted in the loo.”

'The Irish Times' Quotes:

“Worst instincts."

“Ideological enforcer.”

“Does not inspire confidence.”

“Toxic threat.”

“Fearful conclusion.”

“Meanced the onlookers.”

“Lorryloads of coffins.”


“Waning understanding.”

“Screaming like a lunatic and punching the wardropes.”

“Painfully legitimate grievances.”

“Civil uprisings.”

“Chronic inability.”

“Panicked response.”


“Devastated cultural life.”

“They think we're just making it up.”

“Stubborn unwillingness to please.”

“Had for some time been mulling an end.”

“Where Catholic congregations facing a terminal decline in their numbers have sought to esnsure a lasting influence.”

“They keep saying things that transpire to be not actually entirely true.”

“Machiavellian conspiracy.”

“I don't think they've thought through the conspiracy.”

'BBC News' Quote:

“Difficult backgrounds.”

'I Am Legend' Quotes:

“Survivors colony.”

“Kill rate.”

'Arranged' Quote:

“I don't wear drugstore makeup buddy.”

'Disappeared' Quotes:

“Didn't really need a family.”

“Hate letter.”

“Air scent dogs.”

“Redneck cocaine.”


'Dr Phil' Quotes:

“Hanging out with people doing bad stuff.”

“Hanging out with this kind of a person.”

“Went from a nice peaceful car ride to an interstate crime spree.”

“Likes to drink and start fights with me.”

“Still my man.”

#cat from Animals are Friends

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Scary Books

Movie Reviews: Leave No Trace + The Boys From Brazil + Murder On The Orient Express (2017)

Leave No Trace (2018)

Ben Foster stars and is a woodland recluse who lives with his daughter in the woods. They're inextricable. There is a sense of despair and they see prison inmates on work release and they nervously ready themselves to run. He stifles her creativity and she's hungry and what she does for tampons whilst living in the woods is never explained. This life is an imposition on her. They have no future hopes just a self-restricting life of eternal vigilance.

They live in a tent in a park. They go to town for supplies. There are no cultural gatherings and they're deprived. They have a self image as survivalists through sheer resilence. They're actually near Portland but are not part of the cultural ecosystem.

Urgent questions need asking and the dad sells his VA pills to homeless men. They face daunting tasks and they've adapted to this reality. He has PTSD. One wonders about his psychologcal fitness and his well intentioned life. This film has a notable absence of women. Their life is all precariousness. Her mother is dead. This film is strangely devoid of women. They have solidarity and hide from people.

Then they face an unprecedented disrutption to their lives. They have a collective ability to live in socially unacceptable ways that imperil them. They're found and their precarious life ends and this wasn't innovative. They cannot engage collectively and one is not fully feeling this. They're deeply entwined. He has no desire to do anything and is disconnected and has a lack of connection and is all stillness and slowless. Living a normal life elicits agitation and unease and turmoil.

There is stuckness and inertia and isolation. She is briefly in foster care and she doesn't want to be called homeless. There is a sense of resilience and self-preservation. Her father taught her to read and write. They face complications. People worry about their emotional wellbeing and people express concern and he had disruptive losses and there are social consquences and negative experiences. The less silence is left.

They are reclusive kin. This was not a satisfying emotional punch or an expectedly sincere existential contemplation. There is an unnerving quality about the dad. This was not wildly imaginative. Dad is outstandingly irritating. Dad is frustrated and angry – they want her to go to school. They're actually part of the community. The looks they get, the perception.

There is coercion by the father. The dad is unstable and she joins the FFA. He's not reconcilable with life so he runs off and drags her with him. This was unimaginative. Dad is hostile and encourages distrust and is rampantly paranoid. There is recklessness and ludicrousness. He endangers her life and he's aggrieved and he injures himself. He dun fall down. The end up in a trailer park . Did people not look for them? He plans to run again. She stays. It ends.

Best Lines:

“Do it well.”

“Makes him act strange.”

“Tools and important papers.”

“I wasn't where I was supposed to be.”

“Why else would you be living in the woods?”

“Think about things that are too bad to talk about.”

“Not a crime to be unhoused.”

“Would not be pleased with that.”

“Devotional dance.”

“Believe certain things about you.”

“How important are their judgements,”

“Did you even try?”

“Not that kind of trouble.”

The Boys From Brazil (1978)

Gregory Peck and James Mason star in this take on the Ira Levin movel. Laurence Olivier, Lili Palmer, Denholm Elliot and Steve Guttenberg co star. Josef Mengele (Peck and his black boot polish hair) clones Hitler. No reallly.

A nazi hunter (Olivier) dismisses a tip from Guttenberg about nazis plotting in South America. Peck is scary in a white suit and whiteface makeup. Olivier derides and Peck is an ominious character. There are contrived plot turns and Peck looks down with contempt.

The nazi hunter is an idiot who doesn't listen. Nothing good came out of this. Nazis run around and the the hunter is not inquisitive. This was not intriguing and the boy clones are being groomed for something nefarious. This will only end in misery. Nobody seems overly concerned about nazis. There is no raging curiosity. People act embarassed to be seen with the nazi hunters because they are jerkasses.

There are grim thoughts and this causes a lack of enthusiasm. The nazi hunter is widely derided and the nazis run free as karma houdinis. Peck has a board of crazy. The clones are obviously evil child(ren). There is exposition and obvious fake blood. Peck monlogues at the ridiclious ending. The nazi hunter smokes in his hospital bed. Bruno Ganz and Prunella Scales were in this!

Best Lines:

“Run to the American embassy.”

“Hate to bother such a famous nazi hunter as yourself.”

“What does he want? Applause?”

“Men of minor authority.”

“Killing this old mail man.”

“Undistinguished company.”

“Young Jewish Defenders.”

“Shut up you ugly bitch!”

“So god like a father.”

“Oh man, you're weird!”

Murder On The Orient Express (2017)

Kenneth Branagh is Poirot and looks like a fool. Poirot talks of a lost love. Penelope Cruz, Derek Jacobi, Michelle Pfeiffer, Judi Dench, Willem Dafoe, Olivia Coleman, Daisy Ridley, Johnny Depp and Sergei Polunin co star. WHY didn't the arch criminal notice who his fellow passengers were? This was bad and there was a sequel hook. NO!

Best Lines:

“Three religions bent on riot.”

“Your capers.”

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