January 31st, 2020

Hawkeye

Black Widow Prelude Issue 1 Reviewed 🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹

Alexander Pierce, the Triskelion and Black Widow are seen in flashback as people discuss tracking her down. This is post 'Civil War'. Black Widow is a fugitive. Ross is seen. Natasha was born in 1984? Natasha's outfit is clevage bearing. Madam B, the Red Room and General Dreykov are mentioned. All set up for her solo movie? Couldn't Black Widow have the tubal ligation reversed? Why did Natasha defect? This was good. I'm interested.


Best Lines:

“Did I step on your moment?”


“Fighting at your orders...”


“This is gonna end well.”


“Allied with your pet, Tony Stark...”


“We're still friends right?”

“Depends how hard you hit me.”


“To my mind, that's certainly evidence of something untoward...”


“Dazzle me with your wisdom. I really want to know.”


“So she's genuinely Russian? She sounds perfectly American. She could've been born in Manhattan.”

“She's a spy, councilwoman. Blending in is her job.”


“We know nothing about her parentage or early years.”


“The Red Room? I thought that was a story made up for some best-sellers or something.”


“Turns out they hadn't indoctrinated her as well as they thought.”

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Scary Books

Movie Reviews: Uncut Gems + Earth Girls Are Easy 💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎

Uncut Gems (2020)

Adam Sandler makes his first decent movie since 'The Wedding Singer'. This indie film stars Sandler as a gambling addicted diamond dealer who takes evident delight in his sleaze. We see Sandler's colon and his diamond covered furby. Idina Menzel plays his wife. There is slapping and violence and a smuggled opal.


It is 2012. Eric Bogosian plays Sandler's brother in law. There is synth music, fat gangsters, yelling and Sandler owes money to bad people. There is appropriate rationalisation and Sandler is soul destroyingly dumb. There is a Kobe mention.


There are bad social habits, no frank assessments and imminent betrayal. Sandler casts defiance and smuggles an opal in a fish. There is an unavoidable and overwhelming sense of doom and no lofty rhetoric. This was compelling. There is a black opal and mismanaged business and no rational debate. A former NBA star plays himself.


Sandler can't engage creatively with others, things are doomily familiar and this is a narrative of ruined elegance and a life overlived. This is an unconvincing representation of a life. This was weirdly thrown together – there is no plausibility or coherence. Sandler is disordered. There is off key pandemonium. There are conniving people. This was bluntly effective.


This crackles with menace. Sandler is cantankerous. There is resentment, bickering, violence and shenanigans. This was increasingly demented and intriguingly murky. Sandler is unnerving. This was edgy if not wholly convincing. There is accumulating tension and sickeing inevitability. This was epic absurdity.


Sandler has blithe unawareness. There are many defining incidents. His wife and mistress yell. There are more fraught relationships. Sandler has inherent sneeriness and futile dreams. People glance ruefully, there is dangerous tension, there are serious implications and fractious raised voices. There are interuptions and fundamentally dishonest people. There is an actionable conspiracy, deceit, malicious falsehood and ongoing threat and intimidation.


There is no sustainable solution, his wife is rejected and there is an increase in threats and personal hostility and an escalation of the crisis. This was good.


Best Lines:

“Your parents happy for you?”


“Going to be major, even though he's from Canada.”


“I can't deal with your problems every other day.”


“Fell off a truck.”


“Watch the yelling.”


“F**k all you losers!”


“Tell her no, I'm not here.”


~
Earth Girls Are Easy (1988)

Aliens crash in a bimbo's swimming pool. Geena Davis features. Jeff Goldlum still looks like himself while covered in blue fur. Damon Wayans and Jim Carrey co star as the other 2 aliens. The aliens learn English from tv and Julie Brown shaves their fur off. This flopped. Goldblum plays piano. This is silly and not very good. Charles Rocket plays Davis' cheating ex. There are songs and this is so 80s.


Best Lines:

“What about your wife?”

“She's in a coma!”


“You weasel dick!”


“Inner beauty is for losers!”

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PromNight2

Trailers, Quotes & Stuff

'The Stranger' trailer

Dark secrets are exposed.


Best Lines:

“Turn up all mysterious.”


“Nobody wants this to be happening.”


'SNL Cheer'

Adam Driver coaches cheerleaders. Funny.


Best Lines:

“What did you put on it?”

“Prayer!”


'Star Trek Picard' 1x03 promo

No.


'Fantasy Island' trailer

Yes.


'Uncut Gems' trailer

Adam Sandler acts.


Best Line:

“You like the way things are going now?”


Cornish cruncher cheese bake – okay.


Tommy is alive again on 'Arrow'? But Laurel is still dead. Petty TPTB petty.


I won't read 'There Will Come A Darkness' or 'Confessions Of The Very First Zombie Slayer (That I Know Of)'.


'The Possession' Quotes:

“Fetid lair of pot-drenched hippies and start up wankers hell-bent on game-changing and disrupting things that were perfectly fine as they are.”


“Geoglyphs.”


“Secrets we're not being told.”


“Potential possessions.”


“Old-looking stone wall of no evident purpose.”


“Covert derision.”


“Self-advocating.”


“Growth rings laid down before the birth of Christ.”


“If places had local bookstores anymore.”


“No resonance elsewhere.”


'Sky News' Quotes:

“Long broadcast stirring images.”


“Class 4 pathogen.”


“Cut out of their own future.”


“All they have left is rejection.”


“Forewarned of a global emergency.”


'The Irish Times' Quotes:

“The worst Minister For Transport that I've ever seen and that's saying something.”


“Predicting disaster over and over again, which has never yet materialised.”


“Fiscally perverse.”


“The hounding of a Good Man.”


“Evidential gaps.”


“Exasperated condescension.”

“National unity and reconciliation.”


“Arrogant and ill-informed.”


“Virtual exclusion of eternal consideration.”


“Sense of weariness.”


“Boredom makes men to villains.”


“Cannot be wholly unaware of how his talent operates.”


“They are there. They are always there.”


“Entrenched conflict.”


“Plainly misguided.”


“Through dress,”


“Institutionalised exclusion.”


“If you love me, stay; if not, I am better off without you.”


“Continuous historical narrative.”


“Ancient shared culture,”


“I doubt if a single child could recite the first verse of Greensleeves or knows waht a maypole is.”


“Sparked resentment.”


“Looks threatening, even if it isn't.”


“Cultural centerpiece.”


“Compliance concerns.”


“Pledging that would fight to return to the EU.”


“Put your flags away.”


“Seek a response.”


“Eaten bread is soon forgotten.”


'How To Get Ahead: At Renaissance Court' Quote:

“Medici popes, there were 4 of them.”


'Dr Phil' Quote:

“He knows what he lost.”


'The Daily Telegraph' Quotes:

“Fought to defend the skies.”


“Trading in lies.”


“Beyond the pale of decency.”


“Salvage a legacy.”


“State-sanctioned hatred.”


'Channel 4 News' Quotes:

“Central threat of our times.”


“Merry go round of blame.”


'Virgin Media News' Quotes:

“Defacto cultural symbol.”


“What was then called the EEC.”


“Aggressive mindset.”


'How To Get Ahead: At Versailles' Quotes:

“Source of so much evil.”


“Acted to suit himself.”


“Royal bottom.”

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Traveler

The Stranger (2020) 1x01&1x02+GoodOmens1x03+DeadwaterFell 1x03+VOY 5x10+Deep Water 1x01+ 2 more

1x01

Richard Armitage stars in this drama based on a Harlan Coben book. There is a naked guy and an alpaca. Jennifer Saunders, Dervla Kirwan and Stephen Rea co-star. This has few redeeming traits. There are many rancid individuals and give no credence to this.


The book was set in the USA but this show sets it in the UK. A stranger approaches Adam (Armitage) and reveals a series of bombshells about his wife Corinne. After imparting this incredibly disturbing info, the stranger leaves. The stranger is a woman, in the book the stranger is a man. Corinne is not capable or responsible. Adam stares at ultrasounds. An already volatile situation is inflamed. This was flawed and ill-considered.


Adam and Corinne have idiot sons. Randoms show up. There are Irish wolfhounds and a dead alpaca. There is fraught debate and sour grumbling and unmitigated evil is loose. The alpaca farmer named her alpacas after former boybanders. There are dark acts, Adam perceives deception and was Corinne working hard at pretending to be in love?


An oaf cop and a female cop look into the dead alpaca. Adam doesn't know how much he doesn't know or how one thing connects to another. He learns you can buy fake pregnancy bellies and fake ultrasounds off a website. Adam has churlishness. Corinne has disrespect, disregard and contempt.


Potentially catastrophic events unfold. Corinne talks crap and negative things unfold. Corinne won't explain and walks off. This was not much loved. Adam feels pain and disappointment and a random fat loser lurks. There are dangerous consequences and what did Corinne's thug son do?


Best Lines:

“Crap is not swearing.”


“Dads be lads.”


“Dads and lads.”


“This isn't what you think, there's more to this.”


“I've stopped trusting you.”


“Funsy.”


“Logic dictates.”


“It's an alpaca farm not Fort Knox.”


“I'd run DNA checks on your 2 boys.”


“Somethings really not right here.”


“What else are you capable of?”


“That is not normal behaviour.”


“Some kind of deranged midlife crisis.”


1x02

This was deeply disappointing. Adam feels uncertainty. Things cause tensions and great mistrust. There are far-reaching decisions and this was once serious. The stranger shows up to reveal some secrets. Now she has a sidekick. A woman (Saunders) learns her daughter is a sugar baby. Blackmail money is demanded. There is pathetic adulation of 'love'.


Anthony Head shows up to play Adam's bastard father. Adam gets his shirt off. There is no cliff edge drama. A middle aged man does lunges in small shorts. There is parnoia and siege mentality. Things are horrible and wrong. Adam buys a DNA kit but bins it. Are the sons his? His cop client (Rea) is asked for a favour.


Drugs were taken and there are weird text messages. There is a feeling of despair and Head berates Adam in court. There is a complete absence of any rational decision making. Head has a new family and ignores Adam and his grandsons in favour of his shiny new whore dropped bastards. There is no leadership, initiative or interest.


The sugar baby wants to be a research scientist?!? Ha ha ha ha ha. This was disastrous. There is a wall of crazy and Adam's youngest son whines. People launch tirades. Nobody complained about the field rave? This was not complex or difficult. This was incompetence. Adam is nice to look at but I just don't care about the characters or the story.


The missing Corinne was once trusted. This was unwarranted and fundamentally flawed. Another weirdo lurks. There is gunfire and missing money. A cop lurks. There is no sadness or emotion.


Best Lines:

“Where's your glorious future then?”


“3 years of uni gets you 60 grand in debt!”


~
Hard Times

This show is a quagmire of banality. We see Noah's ark, Jesus, Rome, King Arthur, Hamlet and the French Revolution. This was truly appalling with no cultural memory and this annoys with inexhaustible fervour. This was a moral failure that is deeply unremarkable. Famine shows up, he's basically Heston Blumenthal. Ha. Adam warps reality.


Best Lines:

“Sharp cutty thing.”


“Does remarkable things to oysters.”


~
Deadwater Fell 1x03

Tom is indeed an abusive creep. He rubbed his cheating in Kate's face and yelled at his mum. Kate had resolute suffering. There are enormous contrivances and there are realities people don't want to face. This was woefully inadequate and not emotionally tense. Things are not appropriately mysterious just strangely lifeless and very little actual happens. Tom had evil intentionality. This was not gloriously mad. Tom is deeply unpleasant and has no brooding meance. Kate tried to ask for help but nobody listened.


~
Counterpart

Janeway and the crew play games with an anti-telepath race. They're blandly confrontational. Janeway helps telepaths. Janeway has an ugly new haircut and shows off her actings. Janeway's nemesis plays a dumb game. If they knew the telepaths were on the ship all along – why didn't they arrest them?!? This was horrible stupidity.


Best Lines:

“Tourist attractions, if they have any.”


“Align yourself with monolithic organizations.”


“No hostile intent.”


~
Deep Water (2019) 1x01

This 6 part ITV drama begins. A boy is pushed off a boat by a bully. 3 women have issues. There is a dinner party fight. There is cheating and a husband who is useless with money to the point his family are being evicted. He's a gambling addict, he stole money from family. This was dull. The cheating wife has a useless husband. The gambling addict's wife has a thief for a daughter. The gambling addict has been keeping this from his wife. Gambling addict's family are 'poor' yet the wife has a smartphone and highlights. This was utterly unmemorable.


Best Lines:

“Discreet physical arrangement.”


“I'm begging you to listen.”


~
Billionaire Boys Club (1987) part 1

I'm rewatching this classic true crime miniseries. This was remade. This has horrible 80s synth theme music and is told in flashbacks via testimony at the trial of Joe Hunt. A man described as the yuppie Charles Manson, Joe Hunt, is still in jail today. Joe mumbles and runs a poniz scheme (though his coworkers weren't aware of that at first allegedly). Judd Nelson plays Joe and is brilliant. He's handsome yet delivers all his lines in a creepy monotone.


Hideous 80s fashion is worn as Joe rants about style. There is a shopping montage and Joe quickly turns his Billionaire Boys Club 'business' into his own personal cult. This was good. There is more to come.


Best Lines:

“He's no nerd now.”


“Our kind.”


“Paradox thinking.”

~

Chicago P.D 7x04

Infection part 3

People hunt the bio nutter, this bored.

Best Line:
"Conspiracy theory nutjobs."