December 30th, 2019

Scary Books

The White Princess 1x07&1x08 +STVOY 4x09 +The Trial Of Christine Keeler 1x01 +White Collar 6x04&6x05

Two Kings

Perkin claims the throne is his. He ignores Lizzie. Maggie Pole stirs the pot. Perkin's equally stupid wife and child show up. Perkin is made to clean up dung. There are false dreams and this sheds any veneer of escapism. Perkin embraces the extreme and annoys. The duchess plots and Maggie really is stupid. Henry's eye strays. There is a plot to rescue Perkin. King Richard III's ill-fated queen Anne is mentioned. Lizzie is stupid. Henry is paranoid. Perkin throws away the chance of mercy. Oh those wacky Yorks. This was stupid.

Best Lines:

“Is this your kin?”

“Try to take what is yours.”

“Throw stones!”

“Taking that from her.”

“You must not mind.”

“I will have the throne of England!”

Old Curses

Maggie Pole plots treason. Lizzie lies more. What became of Perkin's child? Henry VII learns his mother had the Princes In The Tower killed. Which is rubbish. Richard III did it. There is babble about a curse and a blight on the Tudor male line. Henry VII beats up his mother in full view of the court. Maggie's dumb and Teddy's a fool. Everyone overlooks that Edward IV killed the rightful King to take the throne. Lizzie plots. Perkin is a fool. Maggie Pole plots treason more. Perkin's idiot wife plans to be queen and plots. Maggie Pole plots to kill her husband. Lizzie judges and fights to keep the life and family she has made. Henry VII is sad. Lizzie protects what is hers and ends the York line. Maggie Pole is a twat. She has a son? She does not think of him.

Traitors are busted. Teddy is tricked because he is an idiot. Teddy and Perkin are executed. Shut up Maggie Pole. Perkin won't stop being smug even on the block. Lizzie is sick of Maggie's crap. Lizzie is finally a Tudor queen and Maggie wails for Teddy, making me laugh. Wolsey shows up and is in favour. This was okay.

Best Lines:

“That child is already dead.”

“Grace of my life.”

“Tudor filth.”

“Your wits are so dismally few!”

“A vicious wrong will be set right.”

“Sour whore's tricks.”

“Nursed into his grave.”

“Moved the imposter to be with the idiot.”

“2 York boys with a claim in the one room.”

“It is what is necessary.”

“Armies gather for you.”

“This Tower will be torn open!”

“No one to put on the throne instead of you.”

“You should have left me in France. I wish to Christ I was still there now away from your poison!”

Year Of Hell, part 2

The ship is wrecked and Janeway has absolute conviction and will not be swayed in her stupid decisions. The baddie is thwarted and the continual defeat is undone by time travel or something. Forget never ending fear. 7 of 9 asks pertinent questions and the time ship really looks like Babylon 5. This show is the eternal shame of the franchise. This was better than part 1.

Janeway has moral certitude in her focus on retribution. This was not jammers. Nobody has substantive concerns about Janeway acting contrary to logic. Of course they prevail. Janeway's obsessional thoughts prevents help being offered from any Delta Quadrant race until 2 show up. There is bad burn makeup. This was okay. There is a sequel setup; which never happened. Shouldn't Annorax be centuries dead? Annorax's wife looks 20 years younger than him.

Best Lines:

“Indoor nebula.”

“Making himself difficult.”

“Museum of lost histories.”

“Taste is irrelevant.”

“Leaving this damn cloud!”

“Gone from history.”

“Burden of memory.”

“Both the brigs have been destroyed.”

“One year I'd like to forget.”

The Trial Of Christine Keeler (2019) 1x01

There is no societal significance. It's 1962 in this BBC1 drama. Christine was 19 and Mandy Rice-Davies 18. James Norton and Emilia Fox and Ben Miles star. There is yelling over bread slices. Christine has a stalker and Dr Stephen Ward has teen girls in his sway.

Mr and Mrs Porfumo lurk. Ward is a sleaze. The sleazy media sleaze. Profumo is a Baron. There is dancing in a topless cabaret. Christine is stupid. Ward's friendly with a Russian. Mandy is not worthy of being brought to posh john's house. There is sexism and MI5 wonder.

This was really stupid and people are deliberately hostile. There is decadence and a bitter process. This was utterly unimportant. Things will have a distressing impact on Christine. Mandy cries about her pony. There is gunfire and a taxi driver sits on his arse as a man attacks 2 women.

Best Lines:

“What do you think Eton's for?”

“We all retire when we marry.”

“Never seemed a price to pay. Or so I thought.”

“Have a sniff.”

“Sniff away.”

“It's already later.”

“Keeps interesting company.”

“Chaos seems to follow you wherever you go.”

“Lots and lots of money.”

“Ask the Germans if ground troops matter.”

“2 people. Lights out. 10 minutes.”

“I'm coming for you!”

All's Fair

Will they reach the result they want to achieve? Peter is overly hostile and has still not apologised for the terrible things he said about Neal. Peter could lose his job if they don't get the Pink Panthers. Oh boo you whore. Peter tells Neal what he ought to think about things. Peter still does not apologise. Mozzie bores. Mozzie has a wife? There are flashabcks of Mozzie we don't need. Mozzie and co cause public mischief. There are no grave quesitons. This was bad and the fast forward button was used. Why are we meant to find career criminal Mozzie adorable? The PP plan to target the Federal Reserve and steal half a billion.

Best Lines:

“Not the gentleman thieves they used to be.”

“Pulling a sweetheart con.”

“Prowl alone.”


Piss off Liz-bot. There are various acts of stupidity. Peter, Jones and Diana badmouth Neal. Peter still hasn't apologised. There are dumb motives, actions and feelings. Peter never forcefully denies acusations against Neal. A big gun is seen. Nothing is taken exceptionally seriously. This was often unsatisfying. There is bad acting. There is no conscientiousness or assiduousness. There is no regard for Neal. People dislike and distrust each other in new ways. There is consternation. Neal hasn't done any art, original or otherwise lately. I used the fast forward button. Keller and his spud face and buck teeth is useless. There is deep misery. Peter tries to be tough.


Hellmouth Issue 3 Reviewed

The Buffy + Angel event goes on. I miss the 'Angel & Faith' comic, I guess that is non-canon now? I have no idea what is going on. There is no creeping sense of dread. This was supremely irritating sour awfulness. Drusilla babbles. I'm genuinely baffled.

There is no seismic movement or intense interest or righteous wrath or forceful intent. This ineptitude leaves you dreadfully annoyed. This was pitiful and spectacularly inept. Angel learns how to become human again, we don't know how. Buffy learns Angel is a vampire.

Best Lines:

“What army?”

“That one.”

“This won't be real.”

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Kylo Ren

Trailers, Quotes & Stuff

'You' season 2 trailer

He has a new target: she's called Love. FFS.

'Dracula' promo


'Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker' tv spot

Leia. Rey is a Mary Sue.

Vanilla cream – okay.

Salted caramel cream – banal.

Millens smoked cheese – okay.

Who saw 'Cat Chaser', 'City Of Joy' or 'To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything Julie Newmar'?

My ex sold me a false promise. He broke promises.

What are ragworms?

I won't watch any more 'You'.

Watched 'Man-Eating Super Squid'.

'The Daily Telegraph' Quotes:

“A tortoise was rescued by firefighters after it set a house ablaze on christmas day.”

“His fall from grace has been one of the most shocking within the establishment.”

“Their concerns were neither taken seriously nor acted upon.”


“Expose plans and intentions of the imperialists.”

“Talk of brekaing the last taboo of German life and imposing a speed limit on the autobahns.”

“Social progess.”

“Been led to believe that life will deliver less.”

“The trust that you will feed and tend to them.”

“Should be closed within a generation.”

“Completely and deservedly lost the trust of the British public,”

“Declaring my apprehension.”

“Students too lazy to do their own work and too stupid to judiciously change the odd verb.”

“Baffled why any young person would even contemplate going to university if they weren't prepared to learn.”

'RTE News' Quotes:

“Intent to endanger.”

“Previously signaled concern.”

'Great Railway Journeys' Quotes:

“The legacy of that decision.”

“Got damn all.”

'A Jar With Brendan Behan' Quotes:

“What muck from Irishtown.”

“Snot green water of Dublin Bay.”

“Pathological horror of country people.”

“Complete strangers would go to the trouble of abusing me.”

'Sky News' Quotes:

“Aren't always beloved.”

“Left them unpopular.”

“Annoyed an awful lot of people.”

“Worst place to have any nuanced discussion or debate.”

'The Irish Times' Quotes:

“Waterlogged by a tide that could not be kept out.”

“Botched coup.”

“A managerable level of changes.”

“Litany of insultings.”

“Indicating hostility.”

“Brings ruin to all.”

“Oversensitive to perceived offence.”

“Meanings were disputed.”

“Upending the world's geopolitical order,”

“Weirdy wing of the Labour party.”

“Warnings that went unheeded.”

“Peripheral voice.”

“Unconscionable disservice.”

“Found meaning and togetherness.”

“Textured civil society.”

“Ideological content.”

“Doctrinal purity.”

“Baleful trend.”

“Sweetness of intent.”

“Pull factor.”

“Public frustration.”

“Upended political expectations.”

“Finally wore out his welcome.”

“Retains a persistent hold.”

“Ghastly festering secrets.”

“Genealogical entwinement.”

'The Wildcats Of St Trinian's' Quotes:

“Ladies in first class compartments who read Country Life don't spirit girls away to kick their legs in Benghazi.”

“St Trinian's freak!”

“Bunch of St Trinian's no goods.”

'The Sunday Times' Quotes:

Failed to respond.”

“Man admits to murders in the bog.”

“Unsayable obvious.”

“Mythic, far-off prehistory.”

“The reason for her own pain.”

“A character thought dead several movies ago.”

“The standard biography almost cease to exist.”

“Life tenure.”

“Cultural secession.”


“I radiate rage.”

'The Sunday Telegraph' Quotes:

“They never realised what the consequences of their lies would be.”

“Withdrawal from public view.”

“Puffed up like a furious owl.”

“Ceaseless soothing.”

“Badly abused the hospitality of the family.”

“Reflexive dislike.”

On 'Hollyoaks': there were flashforwards to Dec 31 2020. Ollie's a junkie, Charlie and Ella are drug dealers and Sid's AWOL. Romeo drama queens and Darren's hysterical and possibly a murderer. Peri and Juliet hook up. There is a body and John-Paul is crying. Badly. A disruptive year to come.

Scary Books

Movie Reviews: I Am Patrick Swayze+ Mystify+ The Ipcress File+ Wolves+The House Sitter+Sid And Judy

I Am Patrick Swayze (2019)

This documentary shows another side of the actor who was never as big a star as he hoped to be. His mother was abusive? This was not a vivid spectacle. This was oddly underwhelming. He had intense ambition and we see clips of old movies and tv shows. There were rash decisions and his family sounded like an acrimonious one.

We see behind the scenes of 'The Outsiders'. We hear he may have been an bipolar alcholic. Various people are interviewed including his brother Don, it is interesting to see who is not. There are woes and he is seen as an inspirational figure. This was intempurate. There was contention and debate. There is an unrelenting march of time and cancer. There was a natural desire for peace and wellbeing and long term decline.

Best Lines:

“Wouldn't accept mediocrity.”

“Big dick energy.”

“His need to do well was unprecedented and that's saying something cos Tom Cruise was in the movie.”

“Partner dancing.”

“I loved to do that sh*t.”

“Live until I stop.”

“Best worse movie of all time.”

“Truth of that character.”

“Your approval is not needed.”

“Being a man.”

“Jane Fonda 'China Syndrome' era red wig.”

Mystify: Michael Hutchence (2019)

This was a dull documentary about the self-destructive INXS singer. Paula Yates ruined him. How did INXS' career just end? Yawn.

Best Lines:

“Aggressively against it.”

“Pseudo moralities.”

The Ipcress File (1965)

Dull Brit spies.

Wolves (2014)

Lucas Till, Stephen McHattie and the future 'Aquaman' star in this inept werewolf movie. A teen is a werewolf and eats his parents. Wasn't this the plot of an 80s tv show? How as a fugitive does he afford beer and petrol? He ends up in a town like 'Wolf Lake'. There is unlikely paternity and this was not genuinely original or brilliant.

Best Lines:

Town wolves.”

“Cannibal kid murders.”

The House Sitter (2015)

Tori Spelling stars with her real life husband. She has fried hair. There is a twist and an obvious stuffed toy. There is inexactitude.

Sid And Judy (2019)

A documentary about Judy Garland and one of her many husbands. Jon Hamm provides the voice of Sid Luft. Jennifer Jason Leigh provides the voice of Judy. Sid and Judy were married for 13 years, her longest. This covers her days as Frances Gumm, her mother, the studio, drugs, JFK and her tv show. This was okay.

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Illya K

Book Reviews: Usher's Passing + Downtown Abbey: Rules For Household Staff

Usher's Passing by Robert R. McCammon

This 'horror' has a staggering level of incompetence. This 1983 novel from the author of 'Swan Song', 'Stinger' and 'Mine' is a sequel to 'The Fall Of The House Of Usher', it was neither needed nor wanted. There is sexism, racism, domestic violence is ignored, the word retard is used and country folk are uneducated gombeens who talk in country dialect. This isn't condusive to quality.

There is no emotional potency. The rich soulless Usher clan have jovial distain for morals and engage in violent disorder and have many moral failings. The 'hero' Rix is a twat and a bad future is closing in on him. This fails abjectly and miserably. This was intolerable and an unremitting assault on quality.

This is of no particular interest. One vehemently rejects this infuriating misfire that has a disastrous inability to be scary. The grotesque Ushers have a pattern of violent and abusive behaviour. They wield their influence with obvious distain for the little people. There is a panther, a mountain king and a pumpkin monster. This wilfully avoids sense and is anger-inducing. This novel is generally a bad idea and one wishes to be freed from acqutainship with it. This rapdily loses credibility

Best Lines:

“You've brought me nothing but shame.”

“You never cared enough to try.”

“Too busy hating Dad and Boone for the things you thought they'd done to you,”

Downtown Abbey: Rules For Household Staff

This piece of merch is various bits of info cherry picked from older books. The amount of effort put into being in service. FFS. Eat the rich!

Best Line:

“It leads men to frequent public houses, spend their money unwisely and render them unfit for work.”