September 2nd, 2019

Cat

Star Trek Deep Space Nine 7x20+Cobra Kai (2018-?) 1x01&1x09+Lost In Space 1x03 Reviewed 👽👾🤖

The Changing Face Of Evil

Worf and Ezri return to DS9 and the Breen/Dominion alliance worries people. Then the Breen attack Starfleet HQ on Earth. Martok says the Klingons never attempted that, which is a LIE. There is janky dated VFX and Sisko whining about peppers.


Damar plots. Winn plots. The Cardassian drink Kanar is actually corn syrup. Casey Biggs who played Damar actually drank it. Ew. Dukat goes on about a forbidden book. Why are Bashir and O'Brien (who are English and Irish) obsessing over the US Battle Of The Alamo?


Ezri loves Bashir until the reboot novels where she treated him like something stuck to her shoe. Weyoun says the Breen homeworld is not a frozen wasteland and that they don't need the refridgeration suits. Why do the Breen put on an act? The Breen destroy the Defiant. Winn kills someone and finally realises she has boffed Dukat. Damar strikes back against the Dominion. This was okay.


Best Line:

“The Breen have attacked Earth.”


“Even my people never attempted that.”


“We're a conquered people. Servants in our own land.”


“All this plotting and secrecy. What are we? Romulans?!?”


~
Ace Degenerate

I've never seen any of the movies. In 1984 Daniel crane kicked Johnny in the face. Now they are middle aged. Johnny reopens his thug dojo. Miguel is a kid Johnny 'mentors' and Daniel runs a car dealership with billboards everywhere. Ralph Macchio has aged well.


Johnny has a kid he doesn't see. Johnny watches 'Iron Eagle'. Johnny got chocked out by Martin Kove for getting crane kicked in the face. This was goodish. Johnny peaked in high school and his old mentor Kove is engaging and terrifying even if he only appears in clips.


Best Lines:

“Stop being so annoying.”


“Who do you think bailed you out? Again?”


“You'll be the one who's feared.”


Different But Same

Johnny bothers Daniel. There is a teen party and annoying teenagers. This was extremely pathetic. There are phone issues and Daniel and Johnny talk about their ex Ali. A bitch gets wedgied. Miguel is a punk bully now. Things go awry thanks to Robby. No.


Best Lines:

“Childhood karate rival.”


“Do these look like people I'd invite?”


“NO MERCY BITCH!”


~
Infestation

John wrestles with a rubber eel. The rather good opening credits show up. This ep is a 'Dr Smith' origin story. Her real name is June and she stole her sister's ID and left her to die. Her sister was played by Selma Blair. Where is the new world? Who got the property of those who went to the new world? June left her sister to die. Did she die?


Maureen annoys. June sneaks and the glacier is collapsing. Maureen is a btich and a bad mother. June is a lying liar who lies. There are no bookstores anymore. Eels attack the Jupiter 2. John is a bad ass. The robot says the famous line. The Jupiter 2 is powered by methane. June Harris does hostile actions. Maureen is called on her parental alienation.


Why is there a bag of salt on the Jupiter 2? Penny needs to shut up. Will is stupid. The Jupiter 2 is a residental transport vehicle. The family learn other Jupiters are on the planet. There is no independent thought. This was okay. The Resolute vows to find the lost Jupiters. The robot has got a gun.


Best Lines:

“Danger Will Robinson.”


“Got locked in the closet.”


“Is it dead?”

“It is now.”


“Fake their way into a new life.”


“Destined to be a future serial killer.”


“We will find you.”

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Hawkeye

Batman Superman Issue 1 Reviewed 👓👓🎠🎃👢🩰💄💍💎💋🎓🎓🎓⛸🏒🪁🪀🔮♥🎼🎹🪓🪓🪓🩸

Who Are The Secret Six? Part One

The duo hunt for the Infected. The Batman Who Laughs is from the dark multiverse (whatever that is) and he made other nutters like him. How does the Batman Who Laughs see with that ring of metal on his face? Where is the kidanpped boy? Is Gordon infected? How did the Batman Who Laughs build a batcave? What is Nth metal? People attack with infected batarangs. Shazam is infected and tries to muder Superman. Well that is one way to cash in on the flop movie by contaminating Shazam's soul. This was okay.


Best Lines:

“The rich boy plays dress up.”


“Hurt our enemies the way they hurt us.”


“No one thinks like you.”


“We'd be better villains than they ever were.”

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Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes & Stuff

'The I-Land' trailer

People on a 'Lost' like island are in a simulation. Mmmm.


'Bite' promo

Maybe.


'Fried Green Tomatoes At The Whistle Stop Cafe' (1991) trailer

Heh.


'Termintaor Dark Fate' trailer

People need to talk fast, Sarah has a cigarette voice, bones are seen and Judgement Day didn't happen. A human cyborg protects a girl. Arnie is old. Mmmm.


Peach iced tea – yum.

Gluten free springrolls – okay.

Crunchy mint M&Ms – okay.


Anyone else been to The Reform Club?


I despise my ex and his callous neglect. He callously threw me away. My ex has cruel dismissiveness. I am deeply sad.


What is iview?


I want a houndstooth cardiagan and eyelet skirt.


There is vegan haggis?


What are ski torches?


Who saw 'The Devil's Own'?


I won't read 'Top Marks For Murder' or 'Spoonful Of Murder'.


I want to try an indoor rain pool.


I'd try milk jam.


RIP the red squirrel mural.


Elisabeth Moss was in 'The West Wing'?


Peter Capaldi will be in a MR James tale on BBC4 at Christmas.


'Paperbacks From Hell' republishing 'Black Ambrosia' – it had better be in paperback.


'Hollyoaks' Quote:

“He wouldn't abandon us again!”


'Daniel O'Connell Forgotten King Of Ireland' Quotes:

“Heard my master curse him.”


“Most hostile of all.”


“Surrounded by critics.”


“A poor relation but he married her anyway.”


“Moral advice.”


“Haunted his dying days.”


'Dr Phil' Quotes:

“More churches than bars.”


“Rotten corrupt old lady.”


“Jail could be her permament home.”


“What did you see that was positive about her?”


“I'm not no liar!”


“Find yourself dead somewhere.”


“May be the wrong crowd.”


“Throw all the knives away.”


“Trouble seems really easy to find.”


“Nobody trusts me.”


“Hold an active nail gun to his chest.”


“Don't start saying that.”


“Trouble follows you.”


“She bit the principle.”


'The Irish Times' Quotes:

Hate-follow.”


“Unbiquitous dereliction.”


“Conservative suit and narrow tie of the early sixties.”


“Chart-bothering.”


“Destruction of the old bricks-and-mortar video rental business.”


“Sins of believability.”


“Offical resistance.”


“Such is the level of expectation of their behaviour.”


“Dereliction becomes endemic.”


“Charmless 1970s block.”


“Making a visible effort to draw in visitors.”


“Another empty unit with leaflets piling up inside the smudged glass doors.”


“Talk the town down.”


“Shopping hub.”


“Demolishing venues and cultural spaces.”


“Generated significant negative media coverage.”


“Display maximum restraint and avoid any course of action or statements that are liable to undermind stability.”


“Not guilty of what she is supposed to be guilty of.”


“Figure of hate.”


“Much less acccepting.”


“Refusing to be thrown in the landfill with the CDs and DVDs.”


The Kids Are Alright' Quotes:

“It's shocking that my brothers didn't me punch me more.”


“Wiggling sack of something.”


'Spider-Man' Quotes:

“You must be at least this tall to fight the sand creature!”


“Wriggle faster.”


“Did that hurt? Sure sounded like it did.”


'Sky News' Quotes:

“Very chilling consequences.”


“Fascist war machine.”


'The Sunday Business Post' Quote:

“Find structure comforting.”


“Reversal agent.”


'Foyle's War' Quotes:

“Arsenal of democracy.”


“I hope you won't make that necessary.”


'The Sunday Times' Quotes:

“Seeking peer approval and not getting it.”


“Make these areas completely uninhabitable.”


“Local newspaper cataclysm.”


“”Precious little reputation to defend.”


“Never learnt how to make himself liked.”


“Public boorishness.”


“Ability to attract negative headlines.”


“Possibilities have become actualities.”


“Sarcophagal imagery.”


“Persecutors howl for her destruction.”


“Condemned in popular culture and in the collective memory.”


“Desperate to provoke him to a reaction.”


“Land flesh.”

Dollanganger

Book Reviews: The Spirit + Beneath the Attic + And So It Begins 🗝🤔👎👎👍🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩💒

The Spirit by Thomas Page

A reprinting of a good Bigfoot themed horror novel that inexplicably flopped in 1977. Raymond Jason has become obsessed with hunting Bigfoot/Yeti/Sasquatch – it is an obsession that will eat his life. He thinks he relies on reason and perusasion but his venomous hatred and peoples inability to hold him accountable add to his burning fury and bitter hatred.


The Bigfoot itself has cold destructivness for it is not what Raymond Jason thinks. A Native American wanders around having a spiritual crisis and nervy desperation. Next to Raymond Jason, his benumbed mind hardly seems unreasonable.


The grim aspect of this is that humans are idiots. Raymond Jason plainly loathes Bigfoot but his forceful opposition causes tensions to run too high. People express concern, Raymond Jason's propensity for violence grows. He likes to hit women and his obsession drives him to do unspeakable things as he is perpetually resentful, bloody horrible and genuinely annoying.


There is coiled unease and Raymond Jason is sanctimonious in his self imposed isolation, vicious violence, combativenss and blatant hostility. He engages in point blank refusal to stop having bitter rows and people have no hope for him. He exacerbates issues as he wields terror and seems incapbale of normal social interaction.


Raymond Jason uses anger as engery and the ending seems particularly cruel as his exterminatory war against the Bigfoot which he went at with fearless commitment leads to a climactic catastrophe. This was good. People were suspicious of his motives, but even as he escalates his attacks – nobody stopped him. Raymond Jason loses all he owns via being irascible, disruptive and having an entrenched position.


People have mythologised Bigfoot and have ideological fervour which leads to consequent grief when they encounter it. This was ethically complicated and there are abestos insultation rolls! Where did the moccasins at the end come from?


Best Lines:

“Normally she could believe the most peculiar things – disinfectant teas, the wonders of vegetarianism, probably even astrology.”


“Claim jumpers.”


“I'm not about to tackle any of the real deep shafts till I get some better charts from the state bureau.”


“Going to the slammer for setting traps without permission, smoking in the woods, malicious mischief, and packing a handgun without a license.”


“Go on. I won't kill you.”


“It's full of bones!”


“Road whores.”


“It happens on farms all the time today. Look at any police blotter or the records of any mental hospital if you want your eyes opened.”


“Had to be a little strange to want to live alone for all your life.”


“How would a bear know how a ski lift works?”


“Somewhere on a great golden plaque outlining the sins of man, stupidity was underlined with heavenly forcefulness.”


“Misbred.”


“You want a Bigfoot rug that bad-”


“Who gives a damn what they are?”


“Have we been shooting at Bigfoots again, Mr Jason?”


“To the mine!”


“Leave them be.”


“But he was not the type to carve up people on his kitchen table.”


~
Beneath the Attic by V.C. Andrews

This prequel is heavy handed and laborious. 2 generations before Corinne Foxworth locked her children in the attic, her grandmother Corinne Dixon marries Garland Foxworth. The whole plot is given away on the back cover and this prequel is unoriginal mediocrity. Corinne talks and acts like no woman of her era. Garfield is a perv full of secret desperation. This awfulness leaves you irritated and offended and it has no right to be associated with the era-defining original.


This is all hope-draining negativity that is inherently squalid and fantastically pompus. Each page reaches new extremes of absurdity. This is completly inadequate and ludicrous and of virtually no benefit. This dumb nonsence is a missed opportunity. It's a desperate failure and ridiculously useless. This causes massive disinterest and there are 2 more prequels to come.


Best Lines:

“Another upstairs bedroom. It was so far from everything I wondered who would have used it.”


“The house leant itself to secrets.”


~
And So It Begins by Rachel Abbott

This self published author has written a tale of a hysterical woman, her useless brother and his new wife. There is murder, engineered situations, irrational behaviour, disputations and idiocies in this bog standard 'thriller' that stretches credibility and patience.


The POV switches from page to page, the plot and timeline and ending are underthought, there is no sense of doom and nobody is particularly pleasant. The sister tantrums like a toddler and she and this book exhaust tolerance. This was self-parodic and inherently daft. This was vicious ineptitude.


Best Lines:

“Trespassing in their lives.”


“Version he believed to be the truth.”

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Illya K

Movie Reviews: Once Upon A Time In...Hollywood+The Benefactor+Their Finest+Get Out Alive + 2 more

Once Upon A Time In...Hollywood (2019)

Quentin Tarantino's latest stars Leonardo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, Margot Robbie, Dakota Fanning, Emile Hirsch, Al Pacino, Bruce Dern, Kurt Russell and Lena Dunham. This is a tale of 60s nostalgia and the Manson murders which loom admidst the period details. This was good and uses the enduring obession with Manson and bizarre voice cameos from Adam West and Burt Ward. It also seems to say that Tate and co would have lived if an old time Hollywood good old boy had been around to beat them up instead of swinging 60s types like Tate.


Best Lines:

“Forgot my knife.”


“Is everything okay?”

“Well the f**king hippies aren't. That's for goddam sure.”


“Devil sh*t.”


~
The Benefactor (2015)

Richard Gere stars in this tale alongside Theo James. It bores.


~
Their Finest (2016)

Propaganda films are made during WWII. There are silly accents and women's talk in movies is described as slop. TPTB make a film about 2 women taking a boat to the Dunkirk evacuation. This was tremendously bad and increasingly dire. This was an absolute mess.


Best Lines:

“Fat policemen falling off ladders.”


“National importance.”


“Don't like a lot of things.”


“Got to get this into the cinemas while there's still a few of them standing.”


“Morale sapping doubt.”


“Leaking spleen.”


~
Get Out Alive (2016)

Steve Bacic stars alongside Beverly Mitchell in this tv movie about a couples retreat. There is bad acting. Women whine and bitch. This bored.


Best Line:

“Government conspiracy against me.”


~
The Man With The Iron Heart (2017)

A true story from WWII that stars Jason Clarke. A man who will be infamous marries a Hitler loving woman. The acting is OTT. The man joins the party. There is a fat Ozzie playing the infamous Nazi war criminal and his accent slides around. One Nazi soldier sounds Irish. The wife does not know what to do with her husband. He cares for nothing, least of all her. He plans the Final Solution whilst sounding bored. Finally someone kills him. Which comes at a terrible cost. This was Oscar bait, didn't work though.


Best Lines:

“He's weird.”


“Taken advantage of her virtue.”


“No German should have to read this filth.”


“Combat all that is negative.”


“Impure women.”


~
Sherlock Holmes: The Eligible Bachelor (1992)

Jeremy Brett and Edward Hardwicke have their final bow in this incoherent film.

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