August 16th, 2019

Cat

Book Reviews: The UFO Files + Daisy Jones & The Six 🥩🥩🥩🍜🍜🍜🍫☕🍽🍽🐈🐈🐈📕📕📕📕📕

The UFO Files edited by Martin H. Greenberg

This is a mediocre DAW antholgy from 1998. Sadly DAW's anthologies seem to have ended with the death of Greenberg.


Introduction

Ed Gorman rants crazily. Why were aliens such a big deal in the 90s?


Ordinary Aliens

I'm amazed they actually published this 'funny' story that ends on an amazingly racist 'joke'.


The Observer

By Robert Charles Wilson. This was not ingenious. An alien abductee talks to Hubble. I don't care about her cloud of uncertainty.


Best Lines:

“Obstinate, stony disbelief, his dutiful mustering of a sympathy he clearly didn't feel.”


“This aloof god would not appreciate my worship.”


“If I opened the big front door, what might be outside?”


“Sky-ship.”


“A world 1953 might not recognize.”


Diplomatic Exchange

A balloonist encounters gremlins and learns secrets erased from existence and how he is morally compromised.


Best Lines:

“Cryptic Events Evaluation Section.”


“E-ledge.”


Secret Service

By Edward Lee. A Secret Service agent guards an Alzheimer's stricken former POTUS and learns dark secrets. This was creepy but undercut by Lee's trademark casual sexism.


Best Lines:

“After a week, she's stopped being appalled.”


“Startling.”


“Star-net codes.”


Survivals

By Nina Kiriki Hoffman. This was horrible. It's a 'chilling insight' into the mindset of a teen who plays a troubling role and does strange things.


Best Line:

“Very sad taste in clothes-”


Emma Baxter's Boy

By Ed Gorman. There is casual racism and sexism in this tale of a couple's alien child. No.


Chasing The Mist

There is exposition, people refuse their fate and idiots are the root cause of their own demise. This was a stupid and not spectacularly dramatic tale of constructed mystique.


Best Lines:

“Hot contact site.”


“Doomed losers.”


Amid The Walking Wounded

I have no idea what this was about.


Outside Looking In

Again, I have no idea what this was about.


The End Of Winter

No general unease or hungry desperation, just a female character written by a man who doesn't understand women.


Heirloom

A lonely weirdo gets an alien visitation. I don't care about the social freezing out or perceived slights or alien creatures. This was not evocative.


Bug-Eyed Methodists

This was terrible.


Some Burial Place, Vast And Dry

This was incoherent and written by someone sincerely deluded.


Daddy Dearest

This was not profound social comment. It was truly terrible.


Renewing The Option

By Elizabeth Engstrom. This was glum humourlessness that is not emotionally involving or ever captivating.


The One That Got Away

Cringe worthy.


The Man With X-Ray Eyes

A serial killer kills aliens. This was okay.


Closed: Due To Curiosity

A rip off of 'The Day The Earth Stood Still'. There were no emotional moments and this was not oddly affecting.


Here's Looking At UFO, Kid

Not life affirming.


Love Lies Bleeding

This was mediocre and it's set after an alien invasion.


Best Lines:

“Dominated by the terror of reprisal.”


“Allowed him the time and gave him the incentive to plot.


Scientific Romance

H.G. Wells is inspired to write in this okay tale.


Best Line:

“Perhaps even now the Martians are regarding this Earth with envious eyes. They might even be drawing up plans for invasion.”


The S-Files

Dire.


The Kindness Of Strangers

WTF was this?


~
Daisy Jones & The Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid

This much hyped novel is an 'oral history' of an iconic 1970s rock band. It tells the tale of Daisy the manic pixie dreamgirl junkie, the band's formation, its career defining rise and implosion one night that sent the group on a deviating paths. This was good even if it is full of familiar tropes. Daisy has a false sense of immortality and demands gratidue and creates problems for herself.


Best Lines:

“Spends her childhood rather alone.”


“Like the cool girls had on.”


“Feel no debt,”


“Just so desperate to hold someone's interest.”


“Thinking about his words.”


“To believe the universe conspires for and against you.”


“Pete puked into a tuba.”


“Feeling his judgment.”


“When you find yourself high on the roof of a hotel with a husband who doesn't outright say that the two of you shouldn't jump off, you start to realise you have a lot of problems.”

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Meechum

True Believers Issue 1 + Buffy The Vampire Slayer Issue 7 Reviewed 🚿🤑🤑😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬🤫

Mania: Shiver Part One

This is part of the 'Absolute Carnage' crossover. There are so many stroies in 'Absolute Carnage', I don't know where to start. A woman in the icy wastes of Canada encounters something. What's the black stuff? What's going on? Who's watching her? What's going on? This was okay.


Best Lines:

“If you're standing between it an' the door...”


“Waited for it to leave on its own.”


~
Buffy The Vampire Slayer issue 7

Willow's in a bad way. Xander is a half vampire now. Willow has hallcinations (?) of Dark Willow. Why do Xander and Willow look so ugly? The ad for issue 8 seems to show Buffy's cheerleader costume from the 1992 movie. I'm not sure about the upcoming 'Hellmouth' crossover.


Best Lines:

“Buffy is losing friends by the minute.”


“Fun-loving idiot he was before--”


“I'm not sure I'm ever going to be really happy.”


“Please remember to avoid the table on the far right of the cafeteria, due to the last three students that wouldn't stop screaming while sitting at it.”

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Kylo Ren

Trailers, Quotes & Stuff

'All Cheerleaders Die' promo

What?


'Cold Storage' book trailer

Looks good.


'Nightflyers' teaser

A George RR Martin creation.


Best Line:

“Do not bring the Nightflyer back to Earth.”


'Satanic Panic' trailer

High society satanism.


Best Line:

“Death to the weak! Wealth to the strong!”


Who saw 'Dolls', 'Castle Freak', 'Dagon', 'Robot Jox', 'The Pit And The Pendulum' (1991), 'Fortress', ''Ewoks: The Battle For Endor' or 'Logan's Run'?


There's an upcoming 'Mighty Morphin Power Rangers'/'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' crossover comic?


There are even more 'Dollanganger' books coming.


I'm incapable of forgiving my ex. He still hasn't said sorry. My ex promised a future for us. He wasted my faith in him. Why didn't my ex choose me?


'Great Continental Railway Journeys' Quotes:

“Find him long and loud.”


“Once much more important.”


'Dr Phil' Quotes:

“Stupid ass wifi!”


“Counterprodutive to the resolution of conflict.”


'Twin Peaks' Quote:

“I'm holding in my hand a small box of chocoalte bunnies.”


'SciFiNow' Quotes:

“There's no healthy air to breathe anymore.”


“People scoped up and disposed of by terrifying dump trucks.”


'Sky News' Quotes:

“Clearly furious.”


“It is ominious.”


“No really good options.”


“Riot suppression exercises.”


“Protection dogs.”


“Unchangeable stance.”


'The Irish Times' Quotes:

“Repudiation of liberal values.”


“Gaze direction.”


“Engage in political mayhem.”


“Not an unreasonable aspiration.”


“High-stakes exam.”


“Those who deserve help and those who don't.”


“He won't be able to ever fully escape (nor perhaps should he).”


“General term of abuse.”


“Continuing failure.”


“Toilet juices.”


“Moderating tutelage.”


“Serially humilated.”


“Ideological guru.”


“Insinuations of treason.”


“Pointedly refused to redpudiate.”


“Oddly servile.”


“Dissolute character.”


“Shouldn't need to be given a reason to treat you with respect.”


“Tendency to see the worst.”


“Deceptive calm.”


“Mantain order.”


“Dubious commitment.”


'Jade' Quotes:

“Rougher end of the business.”


“Pig faced waste of blood and organs.”


'Earth: Final Conflict' Quotes:

“Dark machination! I know of what I speak!”


“You will not be coming back. Ever!”


“Enter oblivion.”


“End game scenario.”


“Pre-planned agenda.”


“Define dead.”


'BBC News' Quotes:

“Mission Jurassic!”


'Channel 4 News' Quotes:

“Locked in battle.”


“Anti riot drill.”


“It's not even a veiled threat.”


“Festival of the Hungry Ghosts.”


“Been told they're not welcome.”


'Katie Price: My Crazy Life' Quote:

“Two marriages later.”


~
On 'Hollyoaks': Sylver puts on Liam's dirty unwashed underpants. Mercedes shouts down her phone to Liam about their affair. Breda overhears. This was increasingly terrible.

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Scary Books

Black Spot 2x04+And The Sea Will Tell Part 3 +GLOW 3x06&3x07+Nightflyers (2018) 1x01+FBI 1x03+1 more

Moon Struck

A bizarre murder happened 8 years ago. The prosecutor talks way too much and screams and yells and tantrums. There are simmering tensions. The murderer from 8 years ago gets out and bothers people. This was tepid. People have absolute unwillingness to listen. There is dangerous behaviour. This was ludicrous and not innovative. There are catastrophic miscalculations. There is a lack of restraint and the daughter brats. This was borderline infuriating and the guinea pig is seen. What is a dead water lake? Imperfect decisions are made and there is malevolent threat and graver complications. There is a heinous crime and plots.


Best Lines:

“Bad things going on.”


“Proof of what? A horned god walking through the forest?”


“Do you listen when I'm talking?”


“I only exist when you need me.”


“Stories become true when people believe them.”


~
And The Sea Will Tell (1991) Part 3

The accused woman has to testify about the horrifying tragedy and yet more of her lies come out. Things go awry and she does not help herself. The prosecution lists all the stuff her murderous boyfriend would have had to do alone without her noticing and it is a big list. The jury are deadlocked. This was not good.


Best Lines:

“AS GOD ABOVE IS YOUR WITNESS!”


“Greed inspired murder.”


“I swear by all that I hold dear.”


“She was mixed up with 2 murderers in 2 years!”


~
Outward Bound

Where is the glitter hairspray and pink trousers? The GLOW gang go camping. Jenny is angry. Tamme is benched and thinks she can be a manager. Shelia sees a wolf. Rhonda gets offended when Bash is mocked. Melrose shows depth. Jenny talks about the Killing Fields. This was good. Shelia burns her wolf cosplay.


Best Lines:

“Existential epiphany.”


“Good will on reserve.”


“Pace around the ring and cause trouble.”


“I can do Don King!”


“Someone has to keep her safe.”


“Definitely more than a random piling of rocks!”


“Bitchy to Linda Evans in a jewellery store on 'Dynasty'.”


“Rendered meaningless.”


“Won't live in a house without a basement or attic.”


Hollywood Homecoming

Sam drives Justine to LA. Rhonda wears a sequinned crop top with pigs on it. Bash's mother shows up to be withering. Debbie's son visits and cries. Justine sells her script. Sam keels over on the street. Bash gets 40 million dollars. Debbue romances JJ. Justine whines.


Best Lines:

“You're sweating. Like a lot.”


“Your one opportunity to be great!”


“Sit down. You're embarassing yourself. We're not on 'Falcon Crest'!”


“Don't want it too much.”


“Hobo card.”


“Keep him interested.”


“Cease my responsibilites.”


“Alone with a bunch of people.”


“Not medicore.”


“Told me to be scared of you.”


~
All That We Left Behind

No wonder this was cancelled and the terrible movie was better. There is a damaged spaceship and mutual contempt and gurning and blood. Angus Sampson, Brian F. O'Byrne, Gretchen Mol and Zoe Tapper star. This was based on a George RR Martin novella which I've never read.


There is talk of sickness and danger to human dignity. There is mumbling. People are on a mission to save Earth. There is an ununderstanding wife. Appalling and despicable horrors await. There is talk of aliens. There is a holodeck and flashforwards and flashbacks and it is 2093. The characters are utterly useless.


A dangerous psycho telepath is brought on board. He is supposed to be under suppression and is kept in a box. People treat telepaths as things and a threat like they are the t-rex from 'Jurassic Park'. Future prospects will be lost. There is no character or decency. There is talk of first contact and people are vacillating and weak and take no decisive action.


The telepath is a jackass and bitter divisions will emerge. The captian never leaves his privare deck. What's an L1? People are utterly unprepared. There is no dramatic action or emotional help. A tense situation is exacerbated. There is lack of direct action. People move cautiously and there is emotionalism.


People are imperiled. Things go awry. The annoying telepath deserves opprobrium. People act in completely wrong, reckless and irresponsible ways. The telepath's 'independence of spirit' is recklessness. This was not thrillingly visceral. This was not disconcerting and causes frustration and exasperation. There are ominious drawings.


The doomed blonde is fearlessly perky. This was not monstrously successful. There are no unexamined assumptions and no terrifying sense of confinement and no profound yearning for escape. A woman is genetically designed for space travel. The hermetically sealed space contains parodic archetypes. There is a sense of nihilism and an uneasy tone. This was a squalid mess that makes ill use of actors. There is no uncertainty or weirdness. This was in dubious taste.


This was all infuriatingly meandering. The journey to inevitable catastrophe is lacking in momentum. The telepath is a jackass. This was not a cultural fulcrum. There is galloping self-regarding despair. This was not a diverting indulgence. The guy's daughter is dead? There is no existential sadness. The blonde is dumb. The telepath keeps attacking people. Why does nobody just shoot him? Stop letting him away with it.


This was ill advised, ineffective, chaotic and crisis prone. The crew is patently unprepared. There are serial humilations. The telepath is on the loose and this was not extremely tense just full of strategic mistakes.


Best Lines:

“Out in the void.”


“Locked inside that mountain.”


“Our planet is dying!”


“We are the disease.”


“Suspend his brain function.”


~
Prey

A trafficking victim escapes. This was needlessly awful. I'm done giving this show a chance.


~
The Handmaid's Tale 3x12


Sacrifice

June pulls faces and plots. Did Serena Joy get Fred arrested? Luke and Moira visit Fred. WHY? Moira whines. Oh go away. June kills her Commander's wife and gets away with it. OGTFO! We see the Wife buried with June, the Marths and Wives with black veils/bonnets. Even the wife's coffin is TEAL! Why is June still in Lawrence's home with his Wife dead?!? June the bug eyed inbred goblin sneers. Oh screw this show.

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