July 29th, 2019

Dollanganger

Book Reviews: Paperback Crush+The Other+What October Brings, part 1 😥🎃😥🎃😥🎃😥🎃😥🎃

Paperback Crush: The Totally Radical History Of '80s And '90s Teen Fiction by Gabrielle moss

This is a very USA-centric take on the YA books of the 1980s-1990s. The author goes on about a 401(k) without explaning what it is and uses the word problematic a lot. This is divided into chapters and was obviously inspired by 'Paperbacks From Hell'. This was good but you feel a lot has been left out of this nostalgia fest.


Chapter 1 Love

The 'Sweet Dreams' series are mentioned. I never read them but can recall racks of them in newsagents. I read one 'Couples' book. I learn that Janet Quin- Harkin was the pen name for Rhys Owen. The title of 'Is This Is Love, I'll Take Spaghetti' sounds familiar.


Chapter 2 Friends

Books about cheerleaders, clubs, ponies and bullying which seem hacky.


Chapter 3 Family

Books about divorce, family issues, 'Sweet Valley High' and its 'Slam Book' spin off. Who didn't read 'Sweet Valley High'?


Chapter 4 School

There was a series called 'Video High'? There are books about boarding school and college. Oddly there is no mention of the 'Room-mates' series.


Chapter 5 Jobs

Books about babysitting (which I never read) and so many books about summer camp. Nancy Drew is mentioned as are Isla Fisher's YA novels and a series about beauty queens.


Chapter 6 Danger

Books about issues, doomsters and gloomsters.


Chapter 7 Terror

Christopher Pike, Point Horror, Twilight Where Darkenss Begins, Fear Street and Lois Duncan. Again, very US-centric.


Best Lines:

“Soul-killing endeavor,”


“Writing to trends,”


“Charmingly falling on their face into a pile of meat-garbage.”


“Not exactly a high point of tolerance.”


“Stephen King for the retainer-wearing crowd.”


“Lord of mall-based terror.”


“Culturally pioneering.”


“Social concerns.”


“Familial discord.”


“Everyone (including her parents) like her more.”


“What it means for her best friend to love that terrible, irritating idiot.”


“Terrible toxic person.”


“An annoying jerk who picks fights with toddlers.”


“A bottomless need for pointless drama.”


“Zero emotional growth.”


“Plot momentum!”


“Emotionally hideous.”


“Menacing punk rockers.”


“Absorb a nuanced lesson.”


“Unwitting march to doom.”


“Endless self-created personal problems.”


“Ambition free.”


“Rejacket.”


“Don't have hippies in them.”


“That little incident last year when you stole Ted Blane's school files and then concocted that story that he was a drug addict.”


“Wealthy lunatic bullies.”


“Cultural calamity.”


“Inspire the people around them to better themselves.”


“Social menace.”


“People who are better than you,”


“Dire fates,”


“Unexpectedly grim.”


“Rage thoughts.”


~
The Other by Thomas Tyron

From the author of the good 'Harvest Home' and the bad 'All That Glitters' comes this inept tale of an evil twin and his disturbing influence on those around him. It is a grim depiction of people making horrendous mistakes and ignroing a murderous, animal abusing brat who will end up unvisited in a nut ward.


This was not particularly meancing, it's full of idiots who even in the 1930s forgive a spoilt brat creepy child his excesses. This was relative ineptitude. A boy acts aggressively and cheerlessly. Where are the police? Nobody finds the brat's endless bad acts peturbing? There are adverse events in perptuity. In the inevitable double twist ending the brat ends up forlorn in a nut house.


Lies were deliberately, repeatedly and maliciously told. Distress, anger and loss were caused. There was clear intentionality of evil actions. This book was inexplicably popular in 1971 but I don't care about the brat's evil destructive plans. The brat ends up in the nut ward, everyone and everything he ever knew of long dead and lost to history.


This was absolute hell. People dismiss the warning signs around them with resigned helplessness. There is more familial chaos than in a Virgina Andrews novel. There is terrifying cruelty and this was not magisterially epic. This was not necessitous. Why did no one have serious concerns about the brat? He just kept commiting worse outrages and brought upon his own disgrace in a final reckoning. This was intolerably dank and cheerless. I felt general distain for this.


~
What October Brings: A Lovecraftian Celebration Of Halloween edited by Douglas Draa, part 1


Introduction

Basic.


Hallowe'en In A Suburb

An incoherent Lovecraft poem.


Uncle's In The Treetops

A boy has a taste for betrayal and his dark thoughts make him a fateful harbinger in this good story.


Best Line:

“Lots of embarrassments hidden away in attics.”


Down Into Silence

A blogger visits Innsmouth. This was a good and deeply regretful take on the cultural artefact.


Best Lines:

“Places of ill or unusual reputation.”


“Plain lunacy.”


“Fell to ruin.”


The War On Halloween

This is a tale of a hell house and its inescapable power. This does not leave you terror stricken.


Best Lines:

“I tried to leave, but it won't let me.”


“They don't put on masks at Halloween, they take them off.”


“The world would cower in fear of him.”


That Small, Furry, Sharp-Toothed Thing

This tale of madness and Halloween costumes makes little logical sense and is soulless and forumulaic.

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Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes & Stuff

'The Son' trailer

Obvious dubbing. A baby.


'Hollyoaks' promo

Finn and Laurie in the same prison van?!?


Cauliflower hash browns – okay.

Indian style lentil dhal – okay.

Dark chocolate with strawberry pieces, pistachios and rose pepper – okay.


'Designated Survivor' axed, again. FFS!


Is Larry being evicted from Number 10?


Who saw 'Lipstick Jungle'?


I've no life script.


Who else has eaten in The Rainforest Cafe?


My ex refuses to pay attention to me. I had presumption of trust with my ex. When did he turn into a joyless bully? I deplore the misery my ex caused. His kindness was not all it seemed. How did negativity escalate so quickly in my relationship? Was it a relationship or a situationship? You find out after. I thought it was a serious commitment.


I'd try smoked sea salt, apple flavour popcorn, hand-made raw milk blue cheese and apricot and cumin ketchup and a chocolate delight cocktail and a gin lavender sour cocktail.


There will be a 4th season of 'The Handmaid's Tale'! WHY?!?


I've mallstalgia.


I want a feather trimmed minidress and a cream miniskirt.


'Family Man, Family Murderer' was okay.


Best Lines:

“You disgust me.”


“That is where he will die.”


“Growing body of suspicion.”


'JFK Jr and Carolyn's Wedding: The Lost Tapes' was okay padding but Elizabeth McGovern has sunk to this?


Best Lines:

“Making him unhappy.”


“Kennedy culture.”


“Effortless charm.”


“Feral horses.”


“Back clevage.”


“The trouble that he would start.”


“Jumping over shubbery.”


'Channel 4 News' Quote:

“Job he's wanted a lifetime.”


'The Irish Times' Quotes:

“Societal costs.”


“Parental naivety.”


“Guardian of his legacy.”


“Waiting for relatives who never returned.”


“Her life as she knew it had evaporated in the previous six days.”


“Accusing gaze.”


“Signed audibly.”


“Haunted by her online reputation.”


“No particular welcome for them.”


“Brought down by a lobster.”


“Intensity of public anger.”


“End up on an emotionally tormented drug addict and alcholic living in self-imposed hell?”


“Psychological excavation.”


“Coercive atmosphere.”


“Cultural iconography.”


“A reckoning is under way.”


“Should be ready for consequences.”


“The version in English triggered some sighing. The French translation generated actual booing.”


'Dr Phil' Quotes:

“Evil-hearted.”


“My home is my prison.”


“No one trusts her.”


“Started trouble.”


'Blackadder III' Quotes:

“A few less fat bastards eating all the pie.”


“Sod the proles!”


“Worthless bastards to a man.”


“Ill-educated oaf.”


'The Kids Are Alright' Quotes:

“No hobbies under than turning off lights.”


“Why's he wearing my maternity underwear?”


“Finally taught you something.”

“Yeah. How to bleed.”


“He struck me!”

“Somebody was bound to.”


'Tales From The Darkside' Quotes:

“The no diet diet.”


“Give you a lot of trouble.”


'The Sunday Times' Quotes;

“Living in constant nostalgia.”


“Total end of an era.”


“Running out of relevance.”


“Eventful life.”


“Claw back his career.”


“I refuse to participate in this unproductive exchange.”


“Blaming.”


“Disgusting human being.”


“Invoke his muse.”


“Poisoned utopia.”


“Talking in slightly paranoid fashion about her enemies,”


“Self-canonising.”


“Intelligent tourism.”


“Did little to justify his reputation.”


“Ceaseless motion in deep time,”


“Make bad decisions to get it.”


“Considered it prudent not to respond to it.”


“Unlikely to be much sympathy for him.”


“Cordon off a loo due to the horrors that had occured within.”


“Effortless superiority.”


“Always presents his worst side to the world.”


“Throwing up inside my own t-shirt.”


~
On 'Hollyoaks': the bizarre Dr Levi stalks Maxine on her wedding day to get her to confess her lies. Sienna wants her children back. Sienna wears a bizarre wig.


Best Lines:

“Attention seeking liar!”


“You're not dying at all!”

Image result for edward lee coven
Cat

Absentia 1x03+Santa Clarita Diet Season 3 Part 4+Gotham 5x12+Being Human 5x06 Reviewed 🦇🦇🦇🐬🐧

The Emily Show

Emily is not Nick's ex-wife despite numerous people referring to her as such. She is his wife. The BITCH Alice is the intruder. The goob bum cop bothers Emily. Flynn is a stupid goob. This show is descending into absurdity and has no sustained tension. Nick has a bottomless capacity to ignore logic. Someone has evil destructive plans for Emily and there is damning emphasis on her.


Nothing increases the unease. Nobody is innately decent. The pivotal atrocity of Emily's SIX YEAR ABDUCTION is ignored. The show has a general air of neglect. Jack sulks and drinks. BITCH Alice is profoundly repugnant. Flynn is deliberately provocative. Emily ends up on the wrong side of Nick's temper.


This ep is not a momentous triumph. Is Emily the subject of malicious lies? Or is she grossly misleading people? This show is not exactly about the traumatic consequences of the abduction. People chuck their ethics out of the window. Go-karting ends up riven by tensions. Emily ends up exposed to contempt, ridicule, disgrace, disrepute and disapproving glances. I'm sick of BITCH Alice greeting Emily with resentment. BITCH Alice needs to get away from Emily's husband, dog, house and son.


There is mounting gloom, defeat and despair. BITCH Alice is clearly irritated by Emily. BITCH Alice is not Flynn's mother – she needs to stop saying she is. This was woefully forced. This was not enormously satisfying or rich with menaing. BITCH Alice has a calculated undertone and insignation. Where is Emily's emotional support? Will BITCH Alice just go?!? BITCH Alcie wants to keep Emily away from her son. Will Nick kick BITCH Alice out of his house and life already?!?! BITCH Alice wants total control over every facet of Nick and Flynn. So much for reasonable objections. Emily is not well thought of.


BITCH Alice and her cruel edicts cause unnecessary anguish. The cops pick on Emily. She has huge reputational damage. May god curse BITCH Alice. This ep was not an astounding achievement. Things get desperately tragic and harrowing for Emily. There is no compelling eeriness. BITCH Alice has nefarious purpose and spiteful ripostes. Someone needs to smack BITCH Alice in her fat mouth. Jack has non-responsibility.


Jack is resentful. BITCH Alice is deliberately provocative. Emily's adopted. I'm sure that will be important later. Jack has vindictiveness adn is notoriously volatile. Cue a bitter confrontation. Emily was creeping around in 1x02. BITCH Alice stole her life. Why was Emily allowed to survive? This was deeply negative. Nick needs to get rid of BITCH Alice. Nobody cares about the traumatic consequences of Emily's abduction. Nick's boss Adam is sneaky.


Best Lines:

“Judgement it is.”


“Stand there judging me all night.”


“In a Mexican jail.”


“What should have been my life.”


~
Santa Clarita Diet Season 3 Part 4

The final ever ep. Whcih has no profound impact. There are catastrophic results due to Shelia's selfishness and Joel's stupidity. This was nonsensical. Nobody is wise or profound. Goran plots. There is no urgency or desperation. Shelia gets speared to a wall. Abby is terrible. There is no moral edge. Shelia lives in a sordid and obsessive world. Old characters return. This was unimaginative. There is zombie killing. Goran gets killed. Shelia is problematic. Abby and her boy hook up. So many plot threads are left dangling. Joel tempts fate. Mr Ball Legs shows his power. Shelia bites Joel and this was dreary tedium.


Best Lines:

“That is not even close to being factually accurate.”


“Never be mean to the man who's gonna determine the size of your cage.”


“Yes, that string of words.”


“The end will always be violent, merciless.”


“Mama.”


~
The Beginning

10 years have passed since Bruce abandoned Selina and Gotham. Bruce is recast with someone who is way more effective. 'Batman Begins' is copiously ripped off. Gordon has a tash, Barbara is a redhead, Bullock hasn't changed his clothes in 10 years, Riddler is still crazy and Penguin is fat. Gordon's daughter Barbara will be Batgirl some day. Has Dick Grayson been born? Bullock is framed, again.


Joker has being faking brain death for 10 years. Barbara is queen of Gotham and has got away with all her sins. Gordon is still married to the ho Lee. Where is Mr Freeze? A recast Catwoman rips off a scene from 'Batman' (1966). Penguin tries to kill Gordon. Alfred still lickarses Bruce. Fox lurks. Riddler's an idiot. A clocktower. Bruce told Alfred and Fox his mad plans, offscreen. The name Joker is never used. Joker gets a batarang through the hand. Bruce leaves Gordon to rescue his endangered daughter by himself. Lazy jerk. The batsignal is lit and Bruce poses. This was bad.


Best Lines:

“YA MOUTHBREATHER!”


“Everyone will know you did this.”


“He tried to blow me up. Again!”


“How long have you been pretending to be brain dead?”

“How long have you? That's a joke. I know you're not pretending.”


~
The Last Broadcast

This final ever ep had no emotional satisfaction. Who are these characters who can't act? They are less civically minded. The acting was terrible. The devil shows up for disruptive pleasures. The apoc is unleashed. This was rubbish. Who was the goob? The trio deserve to be trapped in a dream for eternity.

Sergio Balleseros

Movie Reviews: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows +Quarries+Gossip + 2 others

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows (2016)

This franchise killing sequel has no appealing qualities and was made by culture traitors. This has a bad wig, Baxter Stockman, Stephen Amell showing off his shoddy acting as Casey Jones, Bebop and Rocksteady, Krang, the turtlevan and Laura Linney. Shredder escapes jail and this was cataclysmically uninspiring and this should be on a pedestal of infamy. It has no visceral intensity. There is ooze, CGI, incoherence and Hollywood: they just ruin everything. This was intensely repellent and people make intensely stupid decisions.


Best Lines:

“Bring the extraction plan.”


“Bunch of swamp things living in an underground amusement park and have, forgive me, the most pretentious names ever.”


“A warmachine that would end all life.”


“Jacked up disco ball.”


“It's like a chewed up piece of gum! With a face!”


~
Quarries (2016)

A killer on a hiking trail removes and silences people. Yawn.


~
Gossip (2008)

A woman returns to her hometown and is subjected to gossip. This was so very very dumb.


~
The Third Man (1949)

There is a kitten, ill feeling and I've no idea what this weary tale of fateful passion was about.


Best Line:

“International zone.”


~
A Surrogate's Nightmare (2017)
Poppy Montgomery stars in this idiot tale of a surrogate.

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